Monday, February 10, 2014

Officially Passing The Torch

Introducing, the blog of Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis.  

Her Mission Statement: "I will carry on your legacy with more grace and less cursing."



[drops the mic]

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Yes. Register All The Guns.

It's just common sense. If you buy a gun, Society has an interest in knowing that you own that gun and you should be required to carry liability insurance on any damage caused by that gun. If you walk into a gun store to buy ammunition, you should be required to show proof of ownership of a firearm that requires that ammunition and show proof of liability insurance for said firearm. There should also be a reasonable round-per-day limit on ammunition purchases. Any purchases of semi-automatic weapons or clips exceeding 10 rounds should be restricted to law enforcement or military personnel. Rather than making everyone's medical and mental health records available to law enforcement or gun dealers, everyone's gun and ammunition purchases should be available to medical professionals. If a possibly psychotic patient presents himself with a desire to do harm, the clinician should be able to query a federal database and see "this person doesn't seem to own any weaponry that presents a real and present danger to anyone", or "this person purchased 12 semi-automatic weapons and 5000 rounds of ammunition 6 months after filing for unemployment, 4 months after declaring bankruptcy and 2 months after his wife filed divorce papers in Lafayette County". A doctor should be able to file a "reasonable cause" block to further gun and ammo purchases and require that person's home to be searched and have any dangerous weapons legally removed and held in safe keeping until the individual is deemed responsible. This makes sense.

Thursday, April 04, 2013

Krazy Korean Kim



So North Korean leader Kim Jung Un is cranking up the crazy with talk about launching a nuclear attack against South Korea, Japan and the United States.

He really needs to shut the fuck up. This ain't 1951.

A quick history lesson. During WWII, Japan invaded and controlled both Korea and China. 

That's right. China was so weak that it could be conquered and controlled by Japan.

After the defeat of Japan, the Allies divided Korea along the 38th parallel. The Communist Soviet Union got control over North Korea, America got control over South Korea.

In 1949, Mao Zedong led a revolution on the Chinese mainland and established the Communist People's Republic of China. It was in Mao's interests to support the fledgling communist state to his south as a buffer (read:killing field) between China and the United States.

This was when only the United States had deliverable nuclear weapons and the U.S.S.R. had only tested one. There were no spy satellites or intercontinental ballistic missiles. All warfare was conducted on the ground, by sea or by air. South Korea was the perfect buffer zone for China.

The Korean War started when North Korea invaded South Korea (with Chinese support) in an effort to consolidate Communist Chinese control over the entire Korean peninsula. Long story short, the Korean War wasn't really a war between North Korea and South Korea. It was a war between the United States and China which ended in a stalemate that has held for 60 years.

Fast forward to the 21st Century. China is no longer poor and weak. It is on the verge of becoming the dominant world power, surpassing the United States, Russia and all others. It no longer needs North Korea and North Korea is becoming an unstable liability on China's path to supremacy.

North Korea's new leader, Kim Jung Un, has responded to the recent, routine, joint military exercises between the United States and South Korea by issuing batshit crazy threats that it cannot possibly back up. 

In response, the United States has been upping the game by sending stealth bombers and stealth fighters to participate in the exercises. [PRO TIP: If you want to intimidate an enemy, you should send weapons that your enemy can actually SEE! But I digress.] In return, China has been massing troops and arms on North Korea's northern border.

Now, this looks really, really bad. But I don't think it's as bad as it looks and things could actually get better really quick. Here's why.

In 1951, the interests of China and North Korea were in close alignment. They were both poor, weak, Communist states on the defensive. That is no longer the case.

North Korea is much, much weaker than it was in 1951 and China is on the verge of becoming the most powerful nation on the face of the Earth. China no longer needs North Korea. The United States is China's largest market for exported goods and a strategic financial partner. China holds the bulk of American debt. China has a deep interest in the continued financial prosperity of the United States. A replay of a protracted war on the Korean Peninsula is not in the best interest of China or the United States.

So here is how I think this will play out.

Kim Jung Un will go balls to the wall by launching a a first strike on either Japan, Seoul or our military bases on Guam. We will intercept his attack or, his attack will fail because his targeting technology sucks ass.

I'm confident that we know, within inches, the location of every weapons store, every artillery battery, every airstrip, every naval base, every bridge, every factory, every command and control center and every residence of every member of the North Korean leadership. Hell, we probably know more about North Korea than Kim Jung Un does.

When Kim Jung Un crosses the line, the United States and South Korea will launch a MASSIVE conventional strike and take out every single one of those targets in one fell swoop. It won't be days and days of "shock and awe". It will be one massive strike that flips the switch and removes North Korea's ability to wage war.

But here's the kicker. All of those Chinese forces massing on North Korea's border? I don't think they will join the battle against us. I think they will join the battle WITH us.

In fact, what if China launched it's attack on North Korea first? Imagine the confusion and panic within North Korea's political and military leadership? The U.S. and South Korea could take advantage of the confusion, attack from the south in a classic pincer offensive meeting Chinese forces in the middle.

China would get a HUGE boost in international credibility and collectively we would have eliminated a threat to what is otherwise a very prosperous region.

Once the Kim family dynasty is destroyed, North and South Korea can be reunified just like East and West Germany and both the United States and China will have one less mutual threat and one more lucrative trading partner. And most importantly, the people of North Korea can be properly fed and housed and be welcomed into the 21st century.

 Problem solved, a win for the world.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Which Plate? Oh Myyy!


So, Planet Comicon will be at Bartle Hall April 6-7. It's sporting a lot of really A-List Guests and best of all, it's not in some lame Johnson County hotel this year. I can attend without crossing into Mordor. So we're going. Me, GTO and her Venezualan boyfriend who works at Vintage Stock and got me a sweet discount "The Hobbit" today.

I've never been to one of these things before so I'm not sure what to expect. I know I'll be taking a lot of photos! But there is only 1 autograph I want (sorry Wil Wheaton)...George Takei. Mr. Sulu. Oh Myyy!

I've heard that lines for autographs at these events can be 4-5 hours long. Is that true? Anyone ever been to one of these? I also know that ALL of the Guests charge for autographs. It's why they are there. I understand it averages $20-$40 per signature.

Does anyone know what George Takei charges? I have two items I could have him sign. Trying to decide which one to take. You can help me pick by voting in the comments. This is Plate #1:





This is Plate #2:




What say ye?

Thursday, March 07, 2013

Nefarious Shenanigans!

THE GAME IS AFOOT!

 

This story is the most awesome thing I've heard about in a long time!

I'm going to quote directly from the source because he can explain his plot better than I can. From fellow blogger Joe Hoffman:

"My name is Joe. I am a lifelong resident of Kansas and a Kansas City Royals fan who was recently relocated to the Saint Louis, MO area.  
During the last five years in KC, I grew to love a drinking establishment called the Flying Saucer, which awards you with a plate for every 200 unique beers you drink. The plates go up in order of date achieved, and usually feature the person's name and a quote of their choosing. I have plate #72 in Kansas City and have completed the 200 beer journey five times.  
It just so happens that they are preparing to open a Flying Saucer in Saint Louis in the next two weeks (March 1). The location of the bar is directly between my office and parking lot. When I leave work, the bar is directly to my right and Busch Stadium, home of the StL Cardinals is to my left.  
Like any self-respecting Royals fan, I have no love for the Cardinals. So I came up with the idea of going after the #1 plate in the Saint Louis Flying Saucer, except instead of my name, it would be adorned with the name of Don Denkinger, the first base umpire who "blew a call" that allowed the Royals to win game 6 of the '85 World Series. The Royals went on to win game 7 and the World Series away from the Cardinals.  
While most Cardinal fans will deny any existence of a rivalry with the Royals, I feel this act will be viewed with great contempt, especially in a bar that looks directly at their stadium and will likely be filled with Cardinal fans on game days."

Fucking brilliant! I'm not a sports fan, but I am a HUGE fan of Diabolical Schemes! And Joe's scheme has jumped the shark! Gone viral!

Joe started a gofundme.com page where fans can contribute to this effort.

"To accomplish this feat, it will take going to the Flying Saucer 67 straight days since only 3 beers can be counted per day. It is a lot of time and a lot of money, so I thought I would ask Kansas City and Royals fans (or Cardinals haters) for any help you can provide. My $500 total goal is based on trying to fund half of the cost of getting the plate on a $5 average beer price. I plan to start a blog featuring my three beers for each day and a Royals player. Donate, and I will gladly let you pick my three beers, Royals player or even yourself to be featured. The Flying Saucer website also features a leader board, where I will change my name to feature anyone charitable enough to donate on a rotating basis."

The StL Cardinal fan base found out about Joe's plan and they have put forward and funded a challenger to try and prevent Joe from achieving his goal. So this will be an Epic Battle! 2 men, 3 beers a day for 67 consecutive days! Neither competitor can miss 1 day or 1 beer.

The River Front Times here in StL did a story and video about the competition this has evolved into.

You can follow Joe's campaign on Twitter.

You can follow standings here.

Make beer/Royal suggestions here.

Follow progress here.

And MOST importantly, you can donate to the cause here.

Seriously people, this will be very entertaining and I predict it will make national headlines before the last beer is chugged.  CNN, FOX, ABC, NBC, CBS and Al Jezeera will all have satellite trucks surrounding the St. Louis Flying Saucer when this shit gets real!

Go Joe!  Make us all proud!