Tuesday, January 31, 2006


You know the drill guys. Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a "significant other" (i.e. whoever you are banging or trying to bang at the time) by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.

Every Valentines Day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend (or whatever) that you really do care for them more than any other.

Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless (and sooooo incredibly rare!), but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat, cash, gasoline, web-surfing, hairpulling, talking to old girlfriends and EXCRUTIATING efforts at thoughtfullness.

Another secret; guys feel left out. That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day".

Simple, effective and self explanatory. This holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you REALLY care for him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town, no expensive gifts; the name of the holiday explains it all.

Just a Steak and a Blow Job. Thats it. Simple and affordable.

Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!

The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world. And, of course, Steak and BJ's.

Steak and BJ Day was founded by Tom Birdsey http://www.steakandbjday.com/


Jane said...

I just stumbled upon your blog, and it is absolutely hilarious. I'm glad to know my close-minded, preconceived notions about midwesterners were wrong! You've just earned yourself a loyal reader. Keep writing!!

Xavier Onassis said...

Actually, your "close minded, preconceived notions about midwesterners" are RIGHT ON. Probably even far too generous.

You see, I'm not really a "midwesterner". Few know this, but I'm actually a strange visitor from another planet, with powers far beyond those of mortal men. Who, disguised as as a mild-mannered internet-blogger, fights for Truth, Justice and The American Way.

Thanks for stopping by!

Quinntronics said...

Jane, his powers ARE far beyond those of mortal men, BUT he can be defeated. Defeated only by me, though.

Why, you ask? Because I have the strength of ten men! Copyright JB.

Anonymous said...

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Kristine said...

This holiday always gets stuck in my head as "steak and a blow job... 2 bits." And then I feel cheap as hell.