Hip Suburban White Guy

Under The Bridge...No One Can Hear You Scream

2012-01-24T20:44:00.015-06:00

So, the other day I was under the Liberty Bend bridges over the Missouri River taking pictures for this post.

I've been under those bridges before, many times. But this time, I made the mistake of looking up. Holy fuck!

Apparently hornets REALLY, REALLY like the undersides of bridges. Here is what I saw.

Here is what it felt like.

They were EVERYWHERE!

Keep in mind, these pictures were taken under the brand new southbound span that is only 6 years old!

I admit to feeling an irrational fear that the flash from my camera would awaken an angry hoard of billions of hornets that would descend on me in a vengeful, swarming, black cloud of painful death.

I'm glad it was January. I don't know that I would want to stand there taking these pictures in August.

Even dead and empty they seem darkly threatening.

But not threatening enough to keep drunk rednecks from intentionally pissing them off with paintball rifles for their own amusement.

Fucking rednecks. Get ready for it! SQUEAL!

Ice Under The Bridge

2012-01-22T21:57:00.009-06:00

ATTN GANGSTA POSERS

2012-01-17T18:10:00.001-06:00

Out here in Independence, we be snitchin' like a muthafucka.

Fo' shizzle!

Butler, MO

2012-01-15T21:04:00.015-06:00

Butler, MO has one of the most gorgeous courthouses I've ever seen

City Hall is equally impressive.

A classic Town Square.

Some impressive Civil War history.

And one hell of an unexpected surprise to someone just passing through.

I may or may not have Tebowed in the front yard.

Amoret, MO

2012-01-15T11:25:00.008-06:00

Marais des Cygnes Road Trip

2012-01-14T18:56:00.014-06:00

So, I woke up this morning with a 'hankerin' to go mosey down yonder'. With "down yonder" being open for discussion. This means I was itching to hit the road in my jeep with my trusty Nikon D3100 in hand and commit some photography.

I quickly decided to head down to the Marais des Cygnes Wildlife Area because I've been wanting to get some up close and personal photos of hawks, eagles and some of the snowy owls that are supposed to be in the area.

Much to my chagrin, I crossed the Black Gates into Mordor and headed down Hwy 69. I took the exit for La Cygne Lake thinking that the Marais des Cygnes Wildlife Area must be close to the Lake, right?

The first thing I noticed was that La Cygne Lake was dominated by the La Cygne Power Plant.

That seemed odd.

I headed west on the levy road past the Power Plant looking for signs for the Wildlife Area, but didn't see any. All I saw was this intriguing sign that made me thing of my friend Meesha.

When I hit the Missouri Line I knew I was on the wrong path and headed back west until I saw this sign.

OK, maybe it's down there somewhere.

So I head down a series of gravel roads and encounter what should be seasonal, La Cygne Lake camp grounds and a Marina. Should be pretty empty in January.

WRONG!

What I saw was Lovecraftian creepy.

It was what can only be described as a shanty town of every variety of camper, trailer and old, defunct RV permanently moored to utility connections with very sketchy looking mounds of duct tape, bungy cords and whatever else was available.

They clearly were no longer "mobile". Many of them had actually built additions on to their RVs.

It was on the opposite end of Lake La Cygne as the huge power plant. Very South Park.

I didn't take any pictures because I didn't want the zombie-like, nuclear-mutated gill-people to come oozing out of their pods and sacrifice me to Dagon.

But you can see a similar settlement in Midtown Miscreants post on the Mayfair Trailer Park.

They have a virtual settlement there where the Marina is the equivalent of City Hall.

Here is why.

If I'm reading that right, it's basically $15.00 for 1 year's rent and $14.00 for a full Utility hook up. No mortgage. Just a couple of minimal RV Park charges and they live lakeside all year round in their cozy RV city.

Weird!

I got the hell out of there without being turned into sacrificial Fish God bait and found the Marsais des Cygnes Wildlife Area!

Only to find that it was CLOSED!

Or so I thought. Had I bothered to go to their website, I would have seen that it was only the HQ Office that was closed. The rest of the area was open and I could have spent the afternoon there, if I wasn't such an idiot.

Oh well! It's an adventure, right? I had seen signs pointing to a Massacre Sight of some sort. Had no idea what it was. Figured it must have been Native Americans killing settlers or settlers killing Native Americans, something like that.

I was wrong. It was a much more recent Civil War massacre.

Story in a nutshell, pro slavery assholes rounded up a bunch of anti slavery folks and slaughtered them in a ditch like animals.

The State Historical sight is laid out well. On the way to the sight of the Massacre, there are placards explaining what led up to the Massacre.

The emotional heart of the site is where the pro slavery vigilantes stood and gunned down the anti slavery victims who were lined up in a ravine.

It looks like there was some sort of plaque remembering the event, but some fucktard stole it. Probably for it's weight in scrap metal.

On the way out of the site are placards recording what happened after the slaughter.

It's a very secluded site and you can feel the weight of what happened there. But what's weird are the picnic tables and benches and weenie roasting stations.

DAD: "HEY HONEY! Round up the kids! It's a beautiful day! We're going to have a PICNIC!"

WIFE: "That sounds fun! Where are we going?"

DAD: "Let's go to that place where a gang of rabid, racist, bigots mercilessly slaughtered a bunch of anti-slavery liberals in a ditch! I love that place! It's so beautiful and peaceful!

WIFE: "We'll make S'Mores!"

DAD: "I'll get the bratwurst!"

Sunrise in Kansas City

2012-01-13T21:34:00.006-06:00

I Suppose I Should Explain

2012-01-10T19:54:00.005-06:00

I've been blogging for 6 years. I started in January of 2006. This will be my 1,564th post.

One of the things that I've enjoyed most about the give and take with my readers in the comment section is the fact that we have always managed to disagree without being disagreeable.

The discussions have always been intelligent, respectful, passionate, sarcastic, witty, biting and profane.

Virtually all of the commenter's have been fellow bloggers or tweeters. We all know each other and we all read and comment on each other's content.

Until recently.

Things have changed and it's my fault. Let me explain why.

There is a Right Wing Nut Job Blog that I visit frequently. It's called Jo-Joe Politico.

This is Joe Scoggins and his wife.

Here is his bio:

"I was born in Miami, Florida, the son of an Air Force officer, traveled the world, was saved at age 17, and have served the Lord since. That's me on the left and my lovely wife, Bonnie...the pretty one...on the right."

Now, although I disagree with virtually every thing he posts, most of which has absolutely no basis in fact whatsoever, I do respect the fact that he invites comments and discourse as long as said commenter's follow his House Rules:

"1. Absolutely no foul language. If you are not man or woman enough to control your language, you are not welcome here...go somewhere else.

2. I am not looking for strings of commenter's arguing with each other, so confine your comments to the topic at hand and address your comments to me, unless you can be exceptionally gracious and polite.

3. Since this is my blog, I am the sole arbiter of what can be placed on this blog. My decisions are final and without recourse. All anonymous comments, unsigned, will be deleted, as will ad hominem attacks against me or others.

4. Within the scope of those rules, you may feel free to have fun here (I sure will). Sarcasm, wit, half-wit, nit-wit, parody, satire, puns (especially puns), etc. are encouraged."

I don't have any problem with his stupid fucking rules. Visiting someone's blog and leaving a comment is like visiting someone's home. If they don't smoke, you don't light up in their living room. If you see a picture of Jesus on the wall, you don't cut loose with "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU STUPID GODDAMN CUNT!" when your girlfriend forgets to bring you a napkin when she obediently fetches your spam-on-a-cracker appetizer.

Unlike other Right Wing Nut Jobs, Jo-Joe lets you comment without deleting your comments or blocking you from even accessing his blog like most Right Wingers do.

So me and a couple of other Liberals have been frequenting Jo-Joe's blog and leaving comments within his rules.

What we do, basically, is counter his ridiculously bullshit-filled, Right Wing, Christian, rabidly (and closeted racist) anti-Obama tirades with ACTUAL FACTS. We provide links to ACTUAL FACTS that prove that pretty much everything on his blog is a fucking lie!

It's fun. Good sport.

However, if you go walking through a feed lot, no matter how carefully you scrape your shoes on the porch, you are bound to track some really smelly shit into the house.

That's what has happened on my blog.

Some of the ignorant, sister-fucking, slope-headed, inbred, drooling motherfuckers who make up Jo-Joe's "readership" have followed me home to leave flaming bags of shit on my doorstep.

Most of you who have been around a while are used to seeing intelligent people respectfully exchange opposing points of view and then maybe get together for lunch or drinks to discuss further.

Here is a small sample of the comments left by the Right Wing, Conservative, "Christian" followers of Jo-Joe Politico on my end of the year blog post that was a simple meme with no political content:

"Anonymous said... ASS-HOLE!"

"Timothy Reids Thoughts said... Xavier Onassis's mother should have used contraceptives and avoid giving birth to that imbecile."

"Darth Bacon said... Hey, Aquarians Love To Fuck, why would you want to comment on sue hanes's blog? She a wacko , but then again so are you!"

"Nick's Long lost Mother said... I find this Hip Suburban White Guy to be a real liberal asshole, and one who never bothered to use toilet paper."

" Top Cat said...
If you bother to read between the lines carefully to what these America-hating, social-engineering liberals, who left their behavior, conduct, morals and beliefs make America stronger outside the door are saying. You will find that their toxic, brain-dead logic leaves ordinary Americans shaking and scratching their heads in confusion and disgust.

...

Maybe that pack of racist’s like Al Sharpton, Jeremiah Alvesta Wright, Jesse Jackson, Harry Belefote, Louis Farrakhan, Mr. Eric Holder, or this Brain-dead punk who authors this blog believes in reverse discrimination, but ordinary Americans do not.

..."

"IntolerantCynicami said... Hey Miss.Antiquarian Fucked-up.

Who the hell died and made you the judgmental ass-hole of the blogisphere?

Why the fuck do you even care what people write or say about others that don't even concern you, you stupid obnoxious bitch.

It's dumb annoying bitches like you that piss the hell out of Gentlemen like me."

"Anonymous said... Hey Aquarians Love To Fuck, eat shit!"

So, here is my point.

All of the people I just quoted vote for Republicans. Or Conservatives. Or Christians.

This is why the VERY BEST that the Republican Party can offer up for the Presidency is a greedy Mormon corporate raider like Mitt Romney who "loves to fire people"; a batshit crazy libertarian bastard like Ron Paul who wants us all to retreat into caves and sharpen our own sticks and fetch our own water; serial adulterer's like Newt Gingrich whose moral windsock points in the direction of whatever is new, young and strange (while fighting to Impeach Clinton for getting some sloppy head); moral tight-asses like Rick Santorum who want to create an all-powerful Christian Theocracy that will control who you can and can't love or fuck; Rick Perry who is like a really stupid, dumbed down version of George W. Bush; and then there was Cain and Bachmann.

So look at the level of intelligence that these new commenter's exhibit and look at the people that they would vote for to replace Barack Obama.

This is why I let them leave all the comments they want. It rallies the Liberal voters to get their asses out to the polls and vote for Democrats.

Because we cannot, under any circumstances, let these knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers have any significant sway in the election of our political leaders.

OK. Fine.

2012-01-04T20:30:00.002-06:00

I'll play along with your stupid fucking meme.

"Tell you what, we’ll just create one, call it the Flashback meme: post your last sentence from the last post for each month of 2011."

I had to cheat a little as some of my last posts for the month were all photos with no text. In those cases I picked the last one of the month that I actually said anything. OK, here goes!

Jan: "Now, if you'll excuse me, there's half of a ham and beef combo in the fridge calling my name."

Feb: "Yes, even yours."

Mar: "Put "Mother Nature" back in control and quit buying boats for Vets."

Apr: "How does that sound?"

May: "But sometimes you just have to see a thing for yourself and lend your support in whatever way you can."

Jun: "Then it would make perfect sense."

Jul: "DISCLAIMER: The lowest bidder with the biggest tits who promises a "happy finish" will be given first priority in the formal review process."

Aug: "Good day."

Sep: "Join us!"

Oct: "Join me and @NobleRot of Three O'Clock in the Morning for lunch at Swagger around 12:30 today."

Nov: "They are ignorant, intolerant, idiots who, under no circumstances, can be allowed to hold positions of power at any level."

Dec: "Bone a Petite."

It goes without saying that July was my favorite.

Favorite Photo Contest Results

2012-01-03T19:55:00.008-06:00

On Christams Eve I launched a contest for your favorite XO Photos of 2011. The results are in!

FINAL VOTE!

Tied for 4th place with 1 vote each were:

King Kong Eats a Farm

Bennett's Garage

Missouri River Trees

In 3rd Place with 2 votes was:

Under The Bridge

In 2nd Place with 3 votes was:

Missouri River Sunset

The winner, by an overwhelming 5 votes was:

Cosby Hotel

This pleases me and thank you for your votes.

The fact that the Cosby Hotel photo won pleases me on many levels.

o It was one of the last photos I took using actual 35mm film with my old Nikon N80 before I made the switch to digital.

o The subject was suggested to me by my friend David Remley who is not only a professional photographer (unlike me) but a zealous advocate for historic preservation. I knew I would be switching to digital soon, I had a few rolls of B&W film left and was looking for a worthy subject. David suggested the Cosby Hotel which was scheduled to go under the wrecking ball. You can view the results of that photo essay here.

o I took the photos during a very rare and narrow opportunity when the windows had been removed and before they were boarded up. I didn't know that would be the case. It was pure serendipity and provided an unprecedented window on the past.

o The advice and feedback I received from David Remley while editing and processing the photos was invaluable. It was like taking an advanced photography course and I learned so much! Thank you David!

o It reminds me that simpler is better.

I need to have a high quality, large format print made and get it framed. When it's on the wall, 5 of you will be getting an invitation to a Super Deluxe Brunch to view the final product.

Thank you all for your support!

XO Covers the Occupy KC "Parade"

2011-12-30T21:13:00.033-06:00

Occupy KC marchers take message to downtown sidewalks

By TONY RIZZO
The Kansas City Star

"Members of the Occupy KC movement made a loud, spirited and peaceful march through downtown Kansas City Friday.To the accompaniment of drums and other musical instruments, between 150 and 200 people took part in a New Orleans style jazz funeral march signifying the death of the social safety net.Denied a permit to walk in the streets because they could not afford to pay for the police protection required by the city, the marchers kept to the sidewalks — for the most part — during the 90-minute event."
Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2011/12/30/3345234/occupy-kc-marchers-take-message.html#storylink=cpy

Fucked Up Foodies

2011-12-26T22:24:00.003-06:00

The Internet is deluged with blogs, Facebook pages, Twitter feeds and all manner digital personas presenting themselves as supreme arbiters of what you should and should not eat or drink.

They vehemently eschew anything you've ever actually tried and liked. The only worthy food and drink, according to these pretentious, pompous asshats, are obscure, never heard of, impossible to find, ethnically dubious, nutritionally marginal, stupidly expensive, small plate artistic creations that wouldn't satisfy the hunger of anyone but a coke-headed hipster.

The very fact that most people like something makes it common, cheap and to be avoided at all costs. Only the rare, bizarre and mostly unknown should be sought out and savored.

Strouds, a local Kansas City family-style dining tradition that has been around for generations is regularly looked down upon because everyone likes it and it is good, plain, down home cooking. Pan fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, green beans and dinner rolls as big as your head. All served family style just like at Grandma's.

Instead, the local Foodies would have you seek out some Ethiopian store-front "restaurant" with bars on the window in a high crime area that serves traditional Ethiopian fare. Like "drought starved grubs lightly dusted with dry sand, garnished with a fine, brown dust served with a side of sun parched mud".

Or some Egyptian place that serves pickled monkey brains on a bed of papyrus sprinkled with finely ground dung beetles lightly drizzled with the distilled essence of mummified goat testicles.

These Foodies won't eat where you eat.

They will only eat from dubious food trucks or "pop up" restaurants.

If Foodie "logic" were extended to the rest of society, only the Presidential candidate with the least number of votes would be elected to office. A candidate who didn't bother to run and got no votes at all would be ideal.

Only television shows that no one ever watched would be aired.

Only movies that never sold a single ticket or were never viewed by anyone other than movie critics would be eligible for any awards.

Only books that never got checked out or read would be stocked in libraries.

Streets with the least amount of traffic would get the most attention and maintenance. Major thoroughfares and highways would be left to crumble.

The diseases that afflicted the greatest number of people would receive the least amount of funding. Only obscure afflictions like "sunflower pollen intolerance among Siberian albino hermaphrodites" would be considered worthy of research dollars.

Ignore these pretentious foodie motherfuckers and don't let them make you feel inferior about what you like.

Eat what you want. Eat what you like. Enjoy.

If these skinny-jeans wearing hipsters want to ride their bicycles to the latest pop up restaurant serving free-range Libyan locusts humanely drowned in the finest Moroccan honey served on a plate of 100 year old Turkish hummus cooked over a genuine camel dung stove smothered in scarab wings, more power to them.

I'll gladly settle for a ham and beef half and half sammich from Bryant's with a full plate of greasy skin-on fries, lots of that thin, vinegary delicious sauce and a frosty mug of generic beer.

Bone a Petite.

Christmas Day, 2011

2011-12-25T18:09:00.016-06:00

Christmas is the only day in America that you can see sites like this.

Hell, even in the event of a Zombie Apocolypse the Mall would still be littered with corpse-filled vehicles.

This kind of empty only comes once a year.

Of course, one advantage of clearing out the Gentiles is, it makes it really easy to find the Jews.

Vote For Your Favorite Photo of 2011

2011-12-24T19:30:00.016-06:00

I waded through my photos from 2011 and picked my favorite 12.

I hesitate to call them my "best" because I don't know that any of my photos are "good" in any real professional sense.

I'm not a photographer. A real photographer controls the camera, the lighting and the environment to get consistent results every time.

I don't know how to do that shit. I just try to put myself in the right place at the right time, take a lot of pictures, and hope I get lucky enough to get a shot that works.

So, they are numbered 1-12. Leave your vote in the Comment Section. If you want to vote for more than one, that's cool. Just order your votes as 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc.

If there are photos you like that aren't on the list, you can cast a "write in" ballot by posting a link to the photo and vote on that.

Voting will continue through midnight, December 31st, 2011. The winning photo will find its way into a large format print, a quality matte and frame and a place of honor in my home. The voters who voted for the winning print will all be invited to a Super Deluxe Brunch at my home after the print is ensconced.

So here are the contestants...

1. Ameristar Sunset

2. Bennet's Garage

3. Kaw Point Cargo

4. Arcade Christmas

5. Church Steeple

6. Cosby Hotel

7. Dragonfly

8. Fae of the Wildwood

9. King Kong Eats a Farm

10. Missouri River Trees

11. Missouri River Sunset

12. Under the Bridge

As in Chicago politics, vote early, vote often. GO!

Kansas City Sunset From Scarritt Point

2011-12-18T19:49:00.002-06:00

Kansas City Skyline

2011-12-17T20:26:00.006-06:00

Here are some more artifacts from my quest to take the exact same pictures of Kansas City as every local hack who ever owned a camera.

Happy Holidays Kansas City

2011-12-14T22:58:00.006-06:00

I took this photo. What follows was transcribed from the placard.

1962 POSTCARD OF DOWNTOWN KANSAS CITY WITH CHRISTMAS CROWN DECORATIONS

"Starting in the mid 1950'the bustling streets of Downtown Kansas City were brightly decorated for the Christmas season with holiday lights and gigantic crowns.

This postcard depicts Petticoat Lane near the intersection of 11th and Walnut in 1962. Shimmering gold crowns, located in nine key intersections, were constructed in steel and filled with lights. The crowns were copies of those used on Regency Street in London, with permission of the English architect who designed them.

Each crown was approximately 18 feet in diameter, 15 feet tall, weighed over 3,500 pounds, and included 621 colored lights. The early crowns were very bright and demanded their own KCPL transformer, but they were later replaced with more energy-efficient models. The Kansas City crown decorations tradition continued through the 1960's

The replica installed in the Commerce Bank Building is approximately 13 feet in diameter, 5 1/2 feet tall, weighs approximately 392 pounds and uses a combination of LED lamps and rope lighting. It was built by Manneco, Inc., (the same fabricator as the original crowns) to revisit a celebrated tradition from our City's past."

Found this image with a Google search.

Downtown Kansas City

2011-12-11T23:50:00.010-06:00

Just Fucking Around East of KC

2011-12-10T19:39:00.005-06:00

December on the Missouri River

2011-12-09T22:36:00.010-06:00

This is on the East Bank looking East at sunset

On the East Bank looking North at sunset.

This is on the East Bank looking West at sunset.

These are 8 dead Opossums.

I have no idea why these are gathered together on a boat dock.

But I have to admit to being a little bit afraid that they were actually zombie opossums that would rise up and chew me to death when the sound of my camera shutter awoke them from their unholy sleep.

Hoping that whatever critter left this print is the Opossum Predator.

"Job Creators" My Big Black Ass!

2011-12-06T22:24:00.004-06:00

I am so repulsed by the GOP glorification of the "Small Business Owner" as the Savior of American Capitalism.

I've worked for them!

Greedy, manipulative tyrants who exploit part time employee laws to enrich themselves and give their workers the barest minimum to get by.

Small Business Owners don't give a damn about "creating jobs" or "growing the economy".

Their goal is to fly as high as they can and still remain under the radar so they can fatten their wallets without giving their employee's a single penny more than required by law.

Small Business Owners are the bottom-feeding vampires of Capitalism.

The GOP is all in favor of fucking the middle class in the ass (no lube) by letting the payroll tax cut expire (which would result in a violation of their dick worshipping promise to Grover Norquist to NEVER raise taxes on ANYONE, EVER!), but they draw the line at paying for it by taxing BILLIONAIRES just a little bitty tiny smidgen of their ridiculously obscene wealth.

Why? Because those BILLIONAIRES are supposedly the "job creators".

OK. So we haven't raised their taxes yet. Where are the fucking jobs? They haven't created any jobs yet. What are they going to do if we raise their taxes? Keep not doing what they've been not doing?

If we lower their taxes can we expect some altruistic flood of new jobs because they are no longer living so close to the edge and can now afford to "invest in the economy"?

NO! They will pocket the fucking money and run because they don't give a rat's ass about you or America.

They only care about themselves.

The rest of you (us) can go get fucked.

Kansas City's Castle

2011-12-02T18:02:00.008-06:00

Here are some pictures I took today of the old Vine Street Workhouse.

"It is referred to as the City Work House (or Vine Street Work House) and is located at 2001 Vine street. It is a former city prison building built in 1897 by architects Wallace Love and James Oliver Hogg. As described in the article, it utilized a steam fan system to provide ventilation."

Right across the street was the Street Department...

...and the Water Department.

Just Fucking Around With My Camera

2011-11-28T22:17:00.006-06:00

Nothing special.

Emma Sullivan vs. Gov. Sam Brownback

2011-11-24T20:42:00.004-06:00

Shawnee Mission East High School took some students to Topeka to see up close and personal how State Government worked.

One of the students, Emma Sullivan, was not impressed. She tweeted about the experience.

“Just made mean comments at gov. brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot,” Sullivan thumbed from the back of the crowd.

“Joking around,” Sullivan says of the incident.

Brownback’s director of communication wasn’t amused when the tweet was spotted during the routine daily monitoring of comments on Twitter and Facebook mentioning the governor’s name.

“That wasn’t respectful,” responded Sherriene Jones-Sontag. “In order to really have a constructive dialogue, there has to be mutual respect.”

Brownback’s brief speech to the students encouraged them to “be active in their government, community and public service,” Jones-Sontag says.

The tweet was the only one brought to her attention that day, she says, and it was passed along to the Youth in Government program, which organized the students’ visit to the capital.

“It was important for the organization to be aware of the comments their students were making.” Jones-Sontag says. “It’s also important for students to recognize the power of social media, how lasting it is. It is on the Internet.”

Sullivan says things developed quickly: She landed in the principal’s office for a scolding that lasted nearly an hour. She says she was told the “not so nice” comments had embarrassed her school and the district and that “damage control” with the governor’s office was the next step. So Shawnee Mission East is forcing her to write an apology to the governor’s office, with the principal even giving her talking points to hit"

This is complete and utter Right Wing, authoritarian bullshit.

They claim to want small, unobtrusive government.

But here we have a teenage high school student, on a field trip to the State Capitol, who is being encouraged to participate in the political process.

When she takes the lesson to heart and exercises her right of Free Speech to voice her opinion, it is intercepted by the Office of the Governor of Kansas who reports her to the Principal of her High School as a dangerous subversive who needs to be disciplined.

Sam Brownback is the most narrow minded, hate filled, hypocritical, divisive politician to emerge in Kansas politics since Phil Kline.

And he is so terrified of a high school senior's judgment that "he sucks" that he orders his staff to report the student to her Principal and demands an apology?

Fuck you Sam Brownback!

I really, REALLY hope that Mitt Romney wins the Republican Primary and chooses Sam Brownback as his VP running mate.

Because nothing would guarantee Barack Obama another 4 years than a Romney/Brownback ticket.

I can see their campaign slogan now. "We'll shove a Bible up your ass and a Book of Mormon down your throat! Take it and like it, bitches!"

Every time a Republican fucktard opens their mouth to say something or takes any action they reinforce what everyone knows.

They are ignorant, intolerant, idiots who, under no circumstances, can be allowed to hold positions of power at any level.

Just Stop it. "JUST STOP IT!"

2011-11-21T19:41:00.004-06:00

I fully support the Occupy Movement. I think they are changing the political dialogue and you will see much more focus on inequality in the 2012 General Election.

But this "Call and Response" thing has got to stop.

I know that it started as a way of communicating with large crowds in parks where the use of megaphones and other voice amplification equipment was forbidden.

But it's reached the point where one person can be speaking to 5 people in a mini-van and they still do the same ridiculous thing.

It's sounding way too much like Monty Python's "Life of Brian"

Text each other or pass handwritten notes, but stop with the stupid litany thing.

You sound ridiculous.

Ameristar Sunset

2011-11-19T19:30:00.003-06:00

Native American Jews and Mitt Romney

2011-11-12T23:04:00.010-06:00

I took a road trip up to Jamesport today. Didn't really plan to, just found myself headed that way.

On the way back I stopped off at one of the more interesting Mormon historical sites. A little place north of Gallatin called Adam-ondi-Ahman.

According to the official church web site,

10. The Valley of Adam-ondi-Ahman
Here Adam and his righteous posterity met (see D&C 107:53–57). Adam, other prophets, and faithful Saints from all ages will meet the Savior here prior to His Second Coming.

Here is the citation from D&C 107:53–57:

53 Three years previous to the death of Adam, he called Seth, Enos, Cainan, Mahalaleel, Jared, Enoch, and Methuselah, who were all high priests, with the residue of his posterity who were righteous, into the valley of Adam-ondi-Ahman, and there bestowed upon them his last blessing.

54 And the Lord appeared unto them, and they rose up and blessed Adam, and called him Michael, the prince, the archangel.

55 And the Lord administered comfort unto Adam, and said unto him: I have set thee to be at the head; a multitude of nations shall come of thee, and thou art a prince over them forever.

56 And Adam stood up in the midst of the congregation; and, notwithstanding he was bowed down with age, being full of the Holy Ghost, predicted whatsoever should befall his posterity unto the latest generation.

57 These things were all written in the book of Enoch, and are to be testified of in due time.

The Mormon Prophet, Joseph Smith, identified this site as being Adam-ondi-Ahman "because of an old Nephite altar" he discovered on Tower Hill.

"The Nephites were an ancient people who lived on the American continent. They are named after their prophet and leader Nephi, who traveled with his family from Jerusalem to the Americas in approximately 600 B.C. Nephi and his descendants were commanded by God to keep a record of their people, an abridged version of which is now found in the Book of Mormon, which is considered scripture by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon Church).

When Nephi’s family arrived in the Americas, the group split into two rival groups—the Nephites who followed Nephi and for the most part were righteous followers of God, and the Lamanites who followed Nephi’s older brothers Laman and Lemuel and who opposed the Nephites throughout most of their history."

So the Nephites and Lamanites were Jews who somehow made it to America 600 years before Christ. Yet there is ZERO evidence of any Jewish DNA in Native American peoples, nor is there a shred of archaeological evidence linking Native Americans to Jewish culture.

According to the commemorative plaque on the site, "The exact location of the structure is not known today and there is no visual evidence remaining."

How convenient.

So. Just to recap. We have 2 Republican Presidential candidates, Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman, who believe that Adam, the very first human being created by God out of mud, met with all of his descendants AND Jesus Christ and spent some chill time hanging out just north of Gallatin, MO around some sort of altar that no longer exists.

I ask you...if these Republican Presidential candidates are capable of believing such blatant nonsense, what else are they able to allow themselves to believe?

Do you really want either one of these gullible fucks to have their fingers hovering over a button that could launch nuclear weapons?

If your answer is anything other than "Oh fuck no!", then please stay the hell away from the voting booth in November, 2012. You aren't well informed enough to cast a vote.

U B ME

2011-11-10T18:34:00.006-06:00

I've been blogging for too long.

I don't have anything left to say.

Everytime I think I have something to say, I have to search my own blog to make sure I haven't already said it.

99% of the time, I've already said it more than once.

Pick any news story and I'm sure you already know how I will respond to it.

Which brings me to this post and this challenge.

Pick any topic or any news story and write a blog post that you think I would write. Include any images you think I would include. You are in charge.

I won't edit your post and I will publish whatever you submit. All I ask is that you allow me to include a link to your blog, or twitter account or Facebook page so that people know who the true author is. I won't publish posts from anonymous trolls unless they are really good.

This is your chance to parody me, make fun of me, ridicule me, humiliate me, whatever the fuck you want.

Submit your...submissions, to xo64068@gmail.com.

GO!

Sunset Over The Missouri River

2011-10-30T00:13:00.006-05:00

Impromptu Blogger / Twitter Lunch

2011-10-28T06:34:00.002-05:00

Join me and @NobleRot of Three O'Clock in the Morning for lunch at Swagger around 12:30 today.

Belvoir Winery

2011-10-23T22:43:00.036-05:00

A magnificent new venue has opened in Clay County. Belvoir Winery has repurposed the old International Order of Odd Fellows home in Liberty.

Dr. John L. Bean and his wife, Marsha have spent the last 15 years rehabilitating the site, nurturing the vinyard and restoring the buildings.

It is an absolutely gorgeous location for weddings, receptions, meetings and photo shoots.

It is also very accessible. When I was there this afternoon, the TV in the wine bar was tuned to the Chief's game and there were about a dozen folks enjoying the game and the ambience.

I plan on visiting this place often.

OK, So This May Have Been a Mistake

2011-10-18T22:12:00.002-05:00

Great news!

Since last Thursday I have been getting around without a knee brace or cane. It's been ages since I had to ice down my knee or take ibuprofen. Hell, I even went to the KC RenFest on Sunday and was negotiating rough, uneven terrain like a champ!

So I made a decision. My work shoes and the orthotics in them have needed replacing for a very long time. I figured as long as my right knee and left foot were getting used to moving normally again, this would be the perfect time to upgrade the footware. No sense in my joints getting used to the old decrepit shoes. If they are going to adjust, they should adjust to the new stuff!

So last night I stopped at Walmart and let that robotic/scale Dr. Scholl's machine thing recommend a new set of orthotics.

This morning I put them into my worn out old shoes and headed into work. The new orthotics felt pretty good so I decided to go balls to the wall! At lunch I headed up to Bob Jones Shoes and got me a pair of Clarks Axl Mocs. Switched the orthotics to the new shoes and commenced to breaking them in!

This completely changed by base platform. Every muscle from my feet to my hips have been yelling "WTF?" all day long.

So now, I'm sitting at my desk, knee reeking of Ben Gay, wrapped in an ace bandage and a bag of frozen peas. I've got 4 ibuprofen in me. The cane and knee brace are strategically placed next to my bed in case I need them in the morning.

But come hell or high water, I'm wearing the new shoes and new orthotics again tomorrow and will continue to do so until everything restabilises.

Despite tonight's dire report, I am much better than I have been in months.

Images From The Last Day of the KC RenFest 2011

2011-10-16T20:23:00.023-05:00

GTO and I hadn't been in several years, but my good friend Lyn came through with some free tickets. Thanks Lyn!

The Free Market - Fuck Yeah!

2011-10-14T18:20:00.006-05:00

You hear it over and over again.

If the Government would just get out of the way with it's "job killing" regulations and let the Free Market loose, all of our problems would be solved. It is Government regulations that are strangling Small Businesses in this country and preventing people like you and me from realizing The American Dream.

Well you know what? I couldn't agree more!

You see, several years ago I concocted what I call "XO's Triple Punch Magical Ointment and Bag Balm (for external use only)".

The "Triple Punch" comes from the FACT that it is GUARANTEED to cure Childhood Leukemia, Muscular Dystrophy and Spina Bifida. It will also soften rough skin on your elbows and heels.

Now, I know that there is a HUGE market out there willing to snatch this product up at whatever price the market will bear! Desperate parents with extremely sick children who have exhausted every option the Main Stream MedicoPharma Industrial Complex has to offer.

But those Goddamn Government Regulations are cock-blocking me at every turn! If the Government would just get the fuck out of my way, I could start my own business, create new jobs and start living the American Dream.

The first thing we need to do is abolish the Federal Trade Commission! The FTC thinks it is there job to tell me what I can and cannot say in my own advertising for my own product! The arrogance!

They say that unless I have proof from ANOTHER Government Agency, the Food and Drug Administration, that my ointment really does all of the things I claim it does, then I can't say that in my ads and on the labels!

Now, I don't think the Federal Government should be in the business of picking "winners and losers"! Let the Free Market decide who wins and who loses!

If the parent of a sick child buys my ointment, uses as directed (the instructions clearly state that the users must add Faith to maximize effectiveness) and the child dies anyway, well, I will probably lose that family's business. That's the way a Free Market works!

And once we enact Real Tort Reform, they won't be able to bring any frivolous law suits against me. The label clearly states that they had to add Faith. Clearly they didn't add enough. It's not my fault if they didn't use my product as directed.

So I have to agree with the Tea Party and the rest of the Right Wing Free Market Zealots. Get the Government the fuck out of my way so I can put "XO's Triple Punch Magical Ointment and Bag Balm (for external use only)" in the medicine cabinet of every desperate parent of a terminally ill child.

God Bless Capitalism, God Bless The Free Market, and God Bless The United States of America!

CHA CHING!

Images From Occupy KC

2011-10-09T20:44:00.058-05:00

I ventured out today to document the Occupy KC march.

On the Sunday morning Talking Head shows, the general consensus was that nobody understands what the Occupy Movement wants or what they are against.

It's really not that complicated.

What the Tea Party is to Big Government, the Occupy Movement is to Government Collusion with Corporate Greed.

If you are a Google+ user, following local blogging/twittering/burlesque icon Stacey Locke is the best way to take the pulse of the Occupy Movement. Progressive causes are deeply embedded in her DNA.

She shared this link to a list of the 7 Demands of the Occupy Movement. In the article, each demand is explained in more detail. I urge you to click through and read it. I'll just list the demands themselves as bullets:

1) End the Collusion Between Government and Large Corporations/Banks, So That Our Elected Leaders Are Actually Representing the Interests of the People (the 99%) and Not Just Their Rich Donors (the 1%).

2) Investigate Wall Street and Hold Senior Executives Accountable for the Destruction in Wealth that has Devastated Millions of People.

3) Return the Power of Coining Money to the U.S. Treasury and Return to Sound Money

4) Limit the Size, Scope and Power of Banks so that None are Ever Again “Too Big to Fail” and in Need to Taxpayer Bailouts

5) Eliminate “Personhood” Legal Status for Corporations

6) Repeal the Patriot Act, End the War on Drugs and Protect Civil Liberties

7) End the Imperial Wars of Aggression, Bring the Troops Home from All Countries, Cut the Military Budget and Limit The Military Role to Protection of the Homeland

As I said, not that complicated.

I managed to get ahead of the marching protesters in 2 different locations. This is only about a third of the shots I took. You're welcome.

Here was the view marching away from the Liberty Memorial.

This was the view from mid-town on Broadway.

Images From #kcpig

2011-10-09T10:42:00.034-05:00

Living History Festival & Small Farmers Reunion

2011-10-07T23:02:00.031-05:00

The Antique Car, Tractor & Steam Engine Association of Lathrop, MO is hosting a Living History Festival & Small Farmers Reunion this weekend.

A weekend pass is only $3.00.

Wagon Rides
Blacksmith Shop
General Store
Steam Engines
Native American Encampments
Sorghum Making
Butter Churning
Lard Rendering
Gold Panning
Corn Shelling
Well Drilling
Candle Making
Saw Milling

I went out today to get a preview. There was a lot of cool stuff!

EARLY 20TH CENTURY AMERICANA

NATIVE AMERICAN ENCAMPMENTS

AN EXTREMELY DANGEROUS STEAM POWERED SAW THAT ANYONE COULD JUST TRIP AND FALL RIGHT INTO (WHERE THE FUCK IS OSHA?)

SOME SORT OF STREAM GRAVEL MOVING THING

OLD FIRE TRUCKS

OLD TRACTORS

INCREDIBLY AWESOME STEAM TRACTORS

A COMPLETELY RANDOM SCA (SOCIETY FOR CREATIVE ANAHRONISM) CAMP

You should go. There are Apple Fritters, Apple Cider, Funnel Cakes and such. Maybe even meat on sticks.

My Last Uncle Redux - Holy Fuck

2011-10-06T20:08:00.017-05:00

So my daughter, young Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis and I drove down to Coffeyville, KS today to bury my last uncle.

She told me she would come along, but what really sealed the deal was when my dad asked her to come and she agreed.

It wasn't until after that that I informed her it would be a 4 hour drive. Each. Way. Mwahahahahaha! She couldn't back out.

She had already promised grandpa she was coming. She couldn't back out and disappoint grandpa.

Although I was born in Coffeyville, I hadn't been down that way in a very long time. I decided to take the camera along and allow a little extra drive time on the way down so I could get some interesting pictures along the way.

Um, yeah, I forgot THERE ISN'T ANY FUCKING THING, INTERESTING OR OTHERWISE, BETWEEN KANSAS CITY AND FUCKING COFFEYVILLE!!!
That stretch of road is as empty as the space between Sarah Palin's ears!

It's as barren as Marcus Bachmann's nut sack!

It's as uninteresting as Herman Cain's foreign policy views.

Just like Rick Perry, there's no "there" there.

I took a bunch of CDs to share with GTO but she wasn't having it. She preferred to listen to her own stuff on her iPod. So the drive down was LOOOOOOOOONG.

There was no funeral for Uncle Joe. Just a graveside service with full military honors.

We get to the cemetery and my dad and his wife were already there, sitting under a wind-whipped blue awning protecting Uncle Joe's flag-draped casket.

Standing at attention, some distance away, were nine members of of the 1st Infantry Division, the "Big Red One" from Ft. Riley, KS.

They were there in full uniform and white gloves to send a fellow soldier off on his final mission with all of the honor and dignity he had earned.

A representative from the funeral home was there and she handed out the little pamphlet that has all of the salient points of Uncle Joe's life in a succinct Cliff Notes presentation. Birth date. Death date. WWII service in the South Pacific. Married twice. Divorced twice. No children, Professional photographer. Night club owner.

WAIT! WTF? Uncle Joe owned a night club? I did not know that! That's an interesting little tidbit! I'll need to add that to my genealogy files!

So my cousins trickle in, the clock hits 2:00 and a minister gets up to say a few words. Blah, blah, blah, God's love, Jesus died, eternal life, whatevies, Amen!

With that, the real show began. I had never been to a graveside service with full military honors. I was very impressed. I'll tell you what I remember, although it may not be 100% accurate.

When the minister finished talking, Sgt. Roman (yes, that was his name) slowly walked from the line of soldiers to the head of my uncle's flag-draped casket. He stood at attention, locked his gaze on a point so impossibly distant only the Hubble Space Telescope could have shared his view, and executed a very slow, deliberate and graceful salute.

He held that salute and locked his gaze while 7 soldiers fired 3 volleys from their rifles.

He continued to salute while a lone bugler played a slow and mournful rendition of Taps, signalling the final lights out.

With Taps complete, the soldiers in the field passed their weapons down from soldier to soldier and they were assembled in a precise, self supporting arrangement, barrels pointed skyward. One soldier was left standing guard over the weapons.

Six of the soldiers solemnly walked to my uncle's casket, removed the flag and brought it into the sun. Carefully and precisely, and with great reverence, they folded it into a very tight triangle. The triangle is an homage to the tricorn hats worn during the American Revolution. Sgt. Roman accepted the folded flag, walked over to my father, bows down, looked my father directly in the eyes, and said the following just loudly enough for my father to hear, not meant for anyone else.

"On behalf of the President of the United States and the people of a grateful nation, may I present this flag as a token of appreciation for the honorable and faithful service your loved one rendered this nation."

After my father accepted the flag, Sgt. Roman righted himself, turned, and strode off in a very deliberate, dramatic and practiced fashion to rejoin his fellow soldiers.

As I said, I was very, very impressed. The Big Red One did my uncle proud.

After the graveside service, there was to be a dinner at a local restaurant. During dinner, many Uncle Joe stories were exchanged. Including his time as a night club owner in Texas.

Turns out, Uncle Joe owned a night club in Dallas, on Commerce Street in the early 1960's and was good friends with Jack Ruby.

WAIT! WHOA! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK??? JACK GODDAMN RUBY?!?!?

This Jack Ruby?

The guy who shot Lee Harvey Oswald?

The guy who shot JFK?

WHAT. THE. FUCK???

What started as a perfectly normal day, involving a long road trip and awkward familial interactions ended with me only having 4 Degrees of Separation from the JFK Assassination.

My Uncle was a "good friend" of Jack Ruby who killed Lee Harvey Oswald who killed JFK.

Holy Fuck Balls! What else don't I know about Uncle Joe?

My Last Uncle

2011-10-03T19:21:00.003-05:00

My Uncle Joe died today.

It wasn't unexpected. He was 89 years old and had been destroyed Alzheimer's in the last few years.

But he was a real "man's man" and a member in good standing of America's Greatest Generation.

He joined the Army in Dec. 1941 and stayed in until Nov. 1945.

He served in 753rd Tank Battalion and the 216th Anti-Aircraft Artillery Battalion.

He participated in the Battle of Kwajalein in the Pacific.

He was stationed on radar duty south of San Francisco in 1942 when a Navy anti-submarine blimp came over the beach at low altitude dragging landing lines.

He and a few other soldiers grabbed the landing lines and were trying to stop the blimp when it hit a bluff.

A depth charge dropped off the blimp but thankfully did not explode. The blimp bounced off the bluff and continued on until it settled in Daly City.

The gondola was empty and they have never discovered what happened to the crew. The gondola was removed and later attached to one of the Goodyear blimps.

He was an enthusiastic big game hunter and his home in Houston was filled with pelts and trophies.

He was a prolific photographer.

He was married twice, but had no children.

He started work at Southwestern Bell in 1956 selling advertising and stayed there until he retired in 1980.

In his retirement, he enjoyed living on the land he bought in Coffeyville, KS, riding his horses and shooting his guns.

He and I grew close in the late 80's and early 90's when I spent 11 years researching our family genealogy.

There will be no funeral. Just a graveside service with full military honors on Thursday afternoon.

R.I.P. Uncle Joe.

Roosevelt Field, Excelsior Springs

2011-10-02T19:45:00.005-05:00

This is the football field of the former Excelsior Springs High School.

I was a member of the last graduating class in 1973.

Many regional high school football teams got their asses handed to them on this field.

I was a trumpet playing, marching band geek who spent many half times entertaining the crowd.

Impromptu Blogger/Twitter Lunch

2011-09-29T22:38:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow, Friday, September 30, at Jerry's Woodsweather Cafe, 12:30ish - 1:00ish.

Hip Suburban White Guy and Three O'Clock In The Morning will be there.

Join us!

This is Bella. She Needs a Home. Now.

2011-09-28T21:17:00.002-05:00

Bella is my brother's dog. He is moving into an apartment this week. Bella needs a home within the next few days.

She's half Australian Shepherd and half Border Collie.

She's about 7 years, about 60 pounds, and up to date on all her shots.

By all accounts she's good with children and other dogs.

The need is urgent. If you can help, please let me know.

OK, I Don't Get This

2011-09-20T21:13:00.001-05:00

A ROUGH DECADE FOR AMERICAN CONGREGATIONS

"By Eric Marrapodi, CNN Belief Blog Co-Editor

(CNN) – A new decade-long survey of American congregations shows religious health and vitality are weaker than they were 10 years ago. While the survey showed that many congregations are adopting new technologies and innovative worship, there were steep drops in financial health and attendance at weekly worship services.
...
Overall, median weekend worship attendance of your typical congregation dropped from 130 to 108 during the decade, according to the FACT surveys."

So church attendance is down. Fewer and fewer Americans are identifying as being "religious". Yet in the Republican Party, religious fanatics like Prick Perry, Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin are the rising stars of the GOP and represent the best the Republicans have to offer in 2012.

This tells me that the evangelical Christian core of the conservative Republican party is SO out of touch with the American mainstream population that they don't have a fucking snowball's chance in HELL of winning over independent swing voters in a General election.

The American people want, need, and deserve a President who relies on FACTS, not FAITH.

Prick Perry tried to pray the Texas drought away and his state caught ignited in flames (literally) and experienced the hottest summer ever recorded.

So that didn't work.

Michele Bachmann and her OVERWHELMINGLY CLOSETED GAY HUSBAND have a "Christian Counselling" service that promise to "pray the gay away".

That will NEVER work!

So this is what I don't understand.

If Christianity and church attendance is on the decline, where is this rising Republican religious fundamentalism finding it's base?

How can Republicans possibly think they can win a General election when their Core Base is a diminishing number of delusional people who believe in medieval mythological fantasies?

I don't get this. What the fuck are they thinking?

Kansas City Slut Walk

2011-09-17T18:17:00.003-05:00

The SlutWalk KC went down today. Wherever there are sluts, you will find me by their side.

You can embiggen any of these photos by clicking on them. They are unembellished shots.

Hey, That's May Evans!

Hey! That's Stacey Locke!

So I Almost Died At Birth??? Really???

2011-09-16T23:30:00.003-05:00

In a perfectly random "Happy Birthday" call from my mom tonight she informs me that during birth, my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck "several times", I was "blue" and I almost died.

I never knew that.

What made her tell me that tonight?

I spent 11 years researching my genealogy in the 80's. My mother was very involved in this. But tonight, on my 56th birthday, for the first time ever, she tels me I almost strangled on my own umbilical cord during birth and almost died.

How is that one of those fleeting trivia facts that you fail to mention for over half a century?

What The Fuck?

Turns out, it ain't that big a deal. It happens in about 30% of pregnancies.

But I can understand how it might have been a big deal in Coffeyville, KS in 1955.

God Hates Prick Perry

2011-09-15T22:22:00.003-05:00

Facing Record Droughts, Gov. Rick Perry Proclaims Official Day of Prayer for Rain

So Texas Governor Prick Perry prayed for rain.

"Gov. Perry won't acknowledge the vast body of scientific evidence that supports the fact that the climate is warming, and man is primarily to blame. His official position is that he doesn't think climate change is a problem. And he actively works to prevent climate action in his state, and has orchestrated Texas' lawsuit against the EPA for trying to enforce the Clean Air Act. His main aim is to prevent the agency from regulating greenhouse gases.

And then, when Texas has its worst droughts in 100 years, his official policy response is to pray for rain."

The result? Texas had the hottest summer ever recorded in the United States.

"Firefighters southeast of Austin, Texas, battled strong winds Monday as they struggled to gain ground against a fast-moving wildfire that has so far scorched some 25,000 acres and destroyed close to 500 homes.

Another fire in eastern Texas killed a mother and her 18-month-old child when flames engulfed their mobile home Sunday near Gladewater, the Gregg County Sheriff's Department said.

"We got a long way to go to get this thing contained," Gov. Rick Perry said about the fire raging near Austin. "I have seen a number of big fires in my life. This one is as mean looking as I've ever seen."

So this is the guy Republicans want to be President?

He has a better plan to get Americans working again than O'Bama?

Is he going to pray jobs into existence?

Because based on the evidence from Texas, I see 2 possible theories.

1: Prayer doesn't work.

2: Prayer DOES work, but God hates Prick Perry as much as everyone else.

In either case, this motherfucker should never, ever, be President of the United States.

Ten Years After, The Terrorists Have Won

2011-09-11T19:31:00.003-05:00

On September 11, 2001, 19 criminals, 15 of them from Saudi Arabia, hijacked 4 airliners flew them into the Pentagon and the twin Towers of the World Trade Center killing around 3000 people from all over the world and from many different faiths.

This attack was funded and orchestrated by Osama Bin Laden.

On May 2, 2011, a team of 24 U.S. Navy Seals, guided by civilian intelligence agencies and authorized by the civilian Commander in Chief, overtook Bin Laden's compound in Pakistan, ran him to ground and shot him dead.

19 people started it, 24 people ended it.

The loss of life on 9/11 was a tragedy.

But the greater tragedy is what took place between 9/11/2001 and 5/2/2011.

Rather than pursuing the rational path of using existing international laws to find those responsible and bring them to justice, the United States started two wars of aggression. One of which, in Afghanistan, was marginally justified because that is where the Saudi criminals received their training. The other, in Iraq, had no justification whatsoever.

These two wars have cost the United States over $1,000,000,000,000.00 (that's one trillion) and have killed over a million human beings on all sides of the conflicts.

In the wake of 9/11, Americans could not strip themselves of their privacy and their freedom fast enough in exchange for the promise of "safety". "You can strip search us, monitor our financial transactions and eavesdrop on every communication we have with anyone if you just promise to keep the Bogeyman away."

Some of us tried to put on the brakes and say "Are we sure we want to do this? Once we give up our freedom and our privacy, we will never get it back." We were labelled as unpatriotic and traitors who wanted he terrorists to win.

All of a sudden it was fashionable to be racist. It was perceived as "OK" to hate Muslims just for being Muslim.

We trashed our Constitution, we turned a national surplus into a crippling debt that threatens the world wide economy, we willingly and enthusiastically abandoned every American value that made this country great.

The terrorists didn't destroy us. They just gave us an excuse to destroy ourselves. Which under the "leadership" of George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, we were all too eager and willing to do.

That's the real tragedy of today. It's not just the loss of life 10 years ago. It's the collapse and implosion of America at the hands of the Republicans.

Rather than responding to 9/11 rationally and intelligently, they chose to go into a militaristic rage and stomp all over the world in a Texas Tantrum.

We will never win this "war". We will never kill or capture The Last Terrorist. We will keep killing people with our robots, alienating the rest of the world and spiralling down an economic decline. China and India will soar past us on the world stage and we will become a once great but now diminished world power like the Greeks, the Persians, the Romans, the French, the Ottomans, the British.

History will say the peak of American power was from 1945 to 1989 with the peak being the Apollo 11 moon landing in 1969. Our decline began a few years later with Watergate. Just 44 years at the top of the world.

We had so much potential. We had such good intentions. Such high ideals.

And we pissed it all away. We handed over our lunch money in exchange for a promise to protect us from the schoolyard bully.

Yes. The terrorists have won. But the victory isn't theirs.

We did this to ourselves.

Images From Today's Storms

2011-09-09T22:54:00.007-05:00

Rick Perry is a Stupid, Dangerous Motherfucker

2011-09-09T06:26:00.008-05:00

The following information was gleaned from ThinkProgress.

I implore and encourage you to click through the links so you can see just how batshit crazy the people that Rick Perry associates himself with really are.

Do you really want this stupid motherfucker to be anywhere near the White House or have access to the codes that could launch a nuclear war?

On August 6th, Gov. Rick Perry hosted a rally of prayer for a “nation in crisis.” Perry invited all 49 other governors to share in the event he defined as “a nondenominational, apolitical, Christian prayer meeting.”

A quick look at the event’s endorsement list features a who’s-who of
extreme right-wing religious figures. They warn of dire consequences for our nation: birds dying out because gays can serve in the military, hurricanes ravaging “sinful cities,” even Oprah Winfrey being a sign of the Apocalypse. Yet despite their outlandish beliefs and rhetoric, Perry features their support prominently on the event’s website.

ThinkProgress has compiled the top outlandish beliefs from pastors associated with Perry’s prayer rally:

– Oprah is a sign of the Apocalypse: In his channel on GOD TV, Mike Bickle called Oprah a “forerunner to the harlot movement.” Bickle also warned that traditional “marriage will be…defiled” as the “gay marriage agenda, which is rooted in the depths of Hell,” progresses.

– Blackbirds are dying because of gay soldiers: Dr. Cindy
Jacobs recorded a video declaring a connection between the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the sudden death of blackbirds in Beebee, Arkansas as a divine punishment. She also called
“girl-on-girl kissing” a “plague on society” and asked divine forgiveness for the violation of a woman’s “natural use.”

– The Statue of Liberty is a “demonic idol”: In
various sermons, John Benefiel called the Statue of Liberty a “demonic idol.” He also expressed a belief that homosexuality is a plot contrived by the Illuminati “to limit the world population.”

– Hurricane Katrina was divine retribution for the city’s
“sin”: John Hagee said residents of New Orleans were at
fault for Hurricane Katrina: “I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God and they were recipients of the judgment of God for that.” Hagee has also insinuated
that “the Holocaust…was the fault of Jews themselves” and Hitler acted as a “hunter” corralling the Jews into Israel.

– Gay rights movement from the “pit of hell”: Dwight
McKissic denounced comparisons between the civil rights movement and the gay rights movement because the latter is a “satanic anointment…inspired by the anti-Christ” that comes from the “pit of hell.” McKissic also said that “God uses natural disasters to punish evil,” pointing to Hurricane Katrina because “New Orleans flaunts sin.”

– Jesus actually opposed the minimum wage: Influential
pastor David Barton has made a name for himself by distorting Biblical text to support his claim that Jesus opposed the minimum wage and the capital gains tax. Barton has also argued that public school students are getting “homosexual indoctrination.”

– Children of gay parents are like orphans of 9/11:
During this year’s Faith and Freedom conference, ThinkProgress reported on Jim Garlow’s comparison of orphans of the September 11th attacks to children raised in same-sex households. Garlow is also known for his controversial allegation that African Americans have saved the country from the “enslavement of gay marriage.”

– Director of a Christian para-military group: Jay
Swallow is the Director of SWAT, a “Christian Military Training Camp” organized “for the purpose of dealing with the occult and territorial enemy strong holds in America.” Participants of the training session sign a liability waiver before becoming “warriors” against “occult and territorial enemy strongholds in America.” Participants are also trained “how to pray for casinos on Native American land.”

– African Americans are “cursed” by homosexuals:
Willie Wooten published a book about the curse of the African American people. He wrote that their tolerance of “immorality” in the Democratic Party begets curses of “adultery, incest, children from incestuous union, children born out-of-wedlock, destroyed virginity, bestiality, homosexuality, lesbianism.”

– Aubrey Murray

GODFUCKINGDAMNIT!!!

2011-09-07T23:15:00.001-05:00

I let that fucking Dean Wescott at Minsky's pizza piss me off again!

I got into a pissing match with Minsky's just over a year ago and swore I'd never deal with them again. Because they're ASSHOLES They apparently noticed that I haven't done business with them in a while so they sent me this coupon.

Look at it very carefully. $10 off. Valid for Dine In, Carry Out and Delivery. The only condition is "Not valid with any other offers, or lunch specials"

So I get this in the mail and I fondly remember Minsky's Italian Steak Sandwiches. I get me a hankering.

Listen, the 40+ comments I got on the linked post were all clear. The whole kerfuffle was my fault. I admit that. It was a misunderstanding and I was at fault.

So I'm thinking, all's forgiven. I'm willing to tuck my tail between my legs, take Dean Wescott up on his offer and come back to the welcome embrace of the Minsky family and have me an EYEtalian Steak Sandwich for the first time in over a year.

So I call the motherfuckers. I tell them that I have this "We Miss You" coupon for $10 off Dining Certificate and that I want to use it on a delivery order.

I order an Italian Steak Sandwich ($6.99) and a House Salad ($3.99). That came to $10.98. Apply my "We Miss You" coupon for $10 off and my out of pocket total = $0.98. Fucking sweet!

Then the girl taking my order mentions something about a $10.00 minimum for a delivery order and puts me on hold.

Then some asshole motherfucker named "Brian" gets on the phone. He restates their $10.00 minimum threshold for a delivery order and tells me MY order is only 98 cents.

I tell him no, My order is $10.98. That meets your threshold. I'm just using the coupon that YOU sent me!

"Brian" wants me to order another $9.02 worth of food that I don't want or need before they will honor their own fucking coupon that THEY SENT ME! The coupon doesn't say anything about a minimum order for delivery. The coupon doesn't say that in order to qualify for the $10 discount that delivery orders must total over $20.00.

I point out to "Brian" that their coupon doesn't state any of these conditions and he arrogantly says "That's why I'm telling you now."

FUCK YOU MINSKY'S!

FUCK YOU DEAN WESCOTT!

FUCK YOU "BRIAN"!

KISS MY ASS AND SHOVE YOUR STEAK SANDWICHES UP YOUR UNLUBBED ASS!

Not only will I seriously (I really mean it this time) never EVER do business with you again, I will mount a MASSIVE BLOGGER CAMPAIGN with a CALL TO ACTION to all of my dozen or so declining, apathetic followers to join my MINSKY'S EMBARGO!

Minsky's days are numbered! With the strength of my blog and my cult-like followers, Minsky's could be driven out of business within a few decades!

FEEL MY POWER AND TREMBLE!!!

Bird Lives

2011-08-28T20:09:00.010-05:00

I took my daughter with me to attend the annual graveside memorial for Charlie Parker today.

(I "liberated" the above pic from Plastic Sax's blog as penance for him not attending today)

It was a small service.

Two sax players, one singer and maybe a dozen observants.

I'm not a jazz aficionado. I used to be. I was used to go to Milton's back in the late 70's, I'd go to The Pointe and I've been to Jardine's a few times. But I eventually realized that the guttural, emotional draw of the blues spoke to me more than the sophisticated complexity of jazz.

So although I am very aware of who Charlie Parker was and how much he influenced modern jazz and his importance to Kansas City, I had no idea who all these people were. They all seemed to know each other.

I know this guy is Sonny Gibson because he tried to sell me a calendar and when I told him I didn't bring any cash he gave me his card so I could buy one later.

This guy got up and read some stuff that he had written about jazz and Charlie Parker going back 50 years. Seemed to be an important, intellectual guy.

This guy seemed to be the driving force, vowing that the Last Sunday in August at 1pm would forever be the time and date for this tribute.

Finally the scant musicians assembled gave their rendition of "Now's The Time", proclaimed "Bird lives!" and began to disperse.

GTO and I got in the jeep and prepared to leave. But every time I touched the keys to start the jeep, the other sax player started playing again. It was like I had a super power. Touch the keys, make the sax player perform! I felt it would be extremely rude to start my jeep while he was playing. It became quite comedic, really.

But he finally put the sax in the case and we were able to take our leave.

Someday, years from now, Charlie Parker will come up in a casual conversation and my daughter will be able to tell this story. That's why I took her.

I spent the next 4 hours driving GTO and her friend around to various area restaurants to apply for jobs.

Good day.

More Cooley Lake Photos

2011-08-26T22:05:00.020-05:00

This is rapidly becoming one of my "go to" locations. I won't be happy until I get some pics of the skiddish herons that frequent the wetlands.

But in the meantime, here is what I captured.

Apparently, Dragonflies really like dry humping corn stalks.

Here's some kind of flower. Might be a thistle. No idea.

Some corn.

An old, abandoned car.

A railroad trestle in color.

The same railroad trestle in B&W.

Oh, and here are some more motherfucking frogs.

It Was A Weird Day For Taking Pictures

2011-08-20T21:10:00.016-05:00

This wasn't what I went looking for, but it's what I came back with.

Just So We're Clear....

2011-08-03T21:34:00.002-05:00

People who die or lose limbs or are otherwise incapacitated in some way by doing shit like climbing Mt. Everest, "conquering" El Capitan, or competing in extreme sports in extreme conditions ARE NOT heroic overachieving role models.

They are fucking idiots who died or were incapacitated by their own stupidity, arrogance and narcissism.

If you want to "live life on the edge", that's fine. Go for it (idiot).

But don't expect anyone else to mourn your passing when you die doing stupid shit that routinely gets people killed.

You call it "pushing the envelope". I call it "culling the herd".

You call it "feeling alive by tempting death". I call it "natural selection".

Go! Test yourself! Die! No one cares.

Don't expect anyone to construct a shrine to you unless it is to serve as a warning to normal people not to do stupid shit that will get them killed dead.

Society is better off without your stupidity cluttering up the gene pool.

A Modest Request For Proposal

2011-07-29T19:38:00.003-05:00

Due to my current gimpy fuckedupedness, I'm not above paying someone for some basic services.

It's not that I "can't" do any of this stuff, it's that I'm supposed to be staying off of my right knee to give it a chance to heal.

So here is a list of shit that I am totally able to do for myself but would consider paying someone to do for me. I'd prefer to have them done this weekend. You can submit a bid on any combination of the listed tasks.

1. Rounding up dirty dishes and loading the dishwasher.
This is mostly taking all of my half-filled coffee cups cluttering my bathroom counter upstairs down to the dishwasher in the kitchen. There may be a few other stray dishes, but not many.

2, Doing 1, maybe 2 loads of laundry. I'll do the folding and ironing. I don't trust anyone to do that right at any price.

3. Make a grocery store run. I'll make a list and give you the cash.

4. Dusting and vacuuming. Some people actually enjoy this, I hear.

5. Rounding up and bagging up the trash. I will be the Final Abiter of what is and is not trash.

6. Cleaning 3 bathrooms, only 1 of which sees regular use.

I think that's pretty much it. As I said, I can do all of that stuff myself. I'm not an invalid. But my doctor wants me to stay off my feet and shit still needs to get done.

So, submit your bids if you're intersested in earning a few bucks.

DISCLAIMER: The lowest bidder with the biggest tits who promises a "happy finish" will be given first priority in the formal review process.

Hey Lady, Wanna Dance?

2011-07-27T19:58:00.005-05:00

So, last Friday I have a clumsy fuck moment.

I tripped and fell and landed HARD on my right knee.

FUCK!

I iced it down, took some ibuprofen and went to bed.

The next day, I wrapped an ace bandage around it and went to CVS where I dropped about $60 on a sturdy knee brace, a couple of knee-cap-shaped ice bags with Velcro straps, and some Icy Hot sleeves.

I spent most of the weekend in my recliner, leg elevated, knee iced down.

On Monday I slipped one of those Icy Hot sleeves over the knee, wrapped that in the sport brace, popped some ibuprofen, grabbed my hickory cane to help keep the weight off the right leg and headed to work.

I decided this was a good excuse to drive the Chevy Blazer I bought for my daughter. My reasoning was, since it's an automatic, I wouldn't have to worry about working the clutch with my bad knee.

It actually wasn't until today that I thought "Oh yeah...you work the clutch with your left foot. Putz!" But whatevies. The Blazer is a pretty sweet ride.

So, long story somewhat shorter, I've been toddling around the office this week with my bare hickory cane (bare = no rubber cap on the bottom) sounding like some sinister, B-movie pirate. I even tossed out the occasional "Arrrggghhh" to my startled co-workers.

This meant more time on my feet, less time with my leg elevated, and virtually no time and place to ice it down. Consequently, my knee became increasingly painful as the week went on.

Being a Real Man, it wasn't until today, 5 days after the injury that I thought "Ya know, maybe I should have a doctor take a look at this hot mess."

I didn't go to my primary care doctor because all he would be able to do is send me someplace else.

I didn't go to the ER because not only is it too expensive, but it's hard to make the case that I have an "emergency" when my injury occurred 5 days ago.

So I split the difference and went to an Urgent Care clinic that was covered by my insurance.

The Dr. there examined me, sent me to another clinic about half a block away for X Rays, then back to the Urgent Care Clinic to find out whassup.

As far as we can tell, I didn't actually break or tear anything important. I just whacked my knee against a hard object with about 240 lbs of brutal gravitational force. The tissue around the knee cap is angry as all fuck, but no serious damage.

The X Ray did reveal a small bit of bone or cartilage that's floating around loose in there and probably grinding stuff up.

The Dr wants me to ditch my hickory cane in favor of ACTUAL CRUTCHES to keep the weight off the knee. He also wants me to see an orthopedic Dr who can order an MRI to see if there is any soft tissue damage and decide what we should do about The Floater.

But the best news of all (wait for it....) is that he gave me a prescription for hydrocodone (that's Vicodin for you rich, brand name bitches). I caint read no doctor writin', so I don't know how powerful they are, but who gives a fuck. It's Vicodin. I'll take it and like it.

He also wants me to continue the icing and elevation therapy and 4 Ibuprofen 3 times a day to reduce the inflammation.

Oh, and one more thing. With the crutches, my left leg will be bearing the brunt of my weight and that's the leg that has the foot with the Plantar Fasciitis, a huge fucking bunion and a dislocated middle toe! That's the foot that I have the boot cast for. So I have THAT working for me. Yay me!

Who wants to go dancing?

Why Haven't The "Job Creators" Created Any New Jobs?

2011-07-25T20:51:00.003-05:00

This graph is from 2007 but I think we can all agree on the trend. Nothing has changed that would bring the Upper 1% closer to the Bottom Fifth.

So here's my question. It's a simple one.

If those at the top of the socio-economic bracket are no longer "greedy, rich, bastards" but are now transformed into "Job Creators" and the salvation of The American Way...where are the fucking jobs?

Rich people are richer then they have ever been. They are taxed at a lower rate than they have ever been. They have less "skin in the game" in the American economy than ever before.

So, with all of this extra money these supposedly altruistic, patriotic, "Job Creators" have...where are the motherfucking jobs?

We shouldn't have ANY unemployed workers. These "Job Creators" have more than enough investment reserve to create assloads of new businesses employing every fucking body.

And yet...they don't. They are afraid that they might not be able to remodel their chef's kicthen in their summer home in Monaco if their gross income is reduced by 0.00001%,

They might have to reduce the hours of one of their undocumented, minimum wage toilet maids if their net wealth drops from $3.1 Billion to a mere $3.0 billion.

If these richest motherfuckers are really the engine that drives the American Economy, if they are really the most "American" Americans, if they are really so much better than everyone else that we should all bow down to our Corporate Saviors and be happy to be doing so, then maybe, just maybe, they should be giving up some of their shit to help us out.

After all, we are the ones who made them rich. We sell their shit and we buy their shit. Without us, they are NOTHING! So I say, they owe us.

Pony up, bitches.

Stop whining and kick in your fair share of our national infrastructure.

Consider it a "cover charge".

The End of the Space Shuttle Era

2011-07-21T19:51:00.003-05:00

So Atlantis landed today ending the 30 year Space Shuttle program.

I have mixed feelings about this.

I'm not too devastated because in many ways the entire shuttle program, despite all of it's incredible accomplishments (the assembly of the International Space Station, the Hubble repair mission, etc) it was largely a dead end and a waste of time.

Let's assume for the moment that Columbus really did "discover" America in 1492. You can compare that to the United States landing on the moon on July, 20, 1969.

Now, instead of all of the subsequent voyages to the New World by Columbus and all of the other nautical explorers that came after him, suppose that the Europeans had simply used their naval technology to cruise around within site of the Atlantic coast and maybe establish a tourist destination.

That's the shuttle program.

Rather than using the moon landings as a beach head to explore and colonize the rest of the solar system, we just putzed around in low Earth orbit for the next 30 years.

What a waste of 3 decades.

But I do like the reliance on private enterprise to develop the next generation of manned spacecraft. There is a lot of money to be made in cis-lunar space and high tech entrepreneurs should be given the green light to go forth and get rich.

So I'm not worried about the future of manned spaceflight. The Russians have the most reliable space transportation system on the planet, the Chinese are moving very aggressively to outdo both the United States and the Russians. Americans like Burt Rutan, Richard Branson and Elon Musk will make space their private little money-making bitch.

There will always be an increasing number of humans working and living in space forever. We will never stop.

PERSONAL MEMORIES

+ In the early days of the shuttle program, I contacted NASA HQ in Washington, D.C. looking for information. I was eventually put in contact with Tony E. in the NASA Public Relations department. We became friends and I got regular shipments of press kits, mission patches, lapel pins, photos and video tapes.

+ John Young was the Commander of the first space shuttle mission. He was one of my favorite astronauts. He flew with Gus Grissom on the first manned Gemini flight. He flew on two different Apollo missions and walked on the moon. I always got the impression that the reason he became an astronaut was because he thought it would be fun!

+ The biggest component of the space shuttle stack is the Main Fuel Tank. It's basically a huge thermos bottle that holds the liquid hydrogen and liquid oxygen that fuels the space shuttles three main engines. The shuttle itself and the 2 solid rocket boosters are strapped to this big fucking tank. For the first few flights, the Main Fuel Tank was painted white so it matched the mostly white shuttle and SRBs. NASA quickly decided that all of that white paint added weight and cost to the stack so they stopped using it. They just covered the tank in the orange primer that covered the foam and left off the white paint. This is when the space shuttle started to resemble a huge, fleshy phallus with some strap-ons. Kinky!

+ At this time, I worked in the credit department of a very upscale Crown Center and Plaza retailer. I learned of a telephone number you could call and listen in to transmissions between the newly launched space shuttles and ground control in Houston. Sine processing credit applications and writing collection letters was extremely boring, I used to dial into this telephone line and eavesdrop on the astronauts. PROBLEM: This wasn't a toll free number. I racked up quite a sizable phone bill for my employer. Much to my surprise, they actually examined their telephone bills, found my charges, and demanded that I pay them back or be fired. I payed them back in payroll deduction installments and kept my job.

+ There was an early shuttle test pilot who was from Kansas. He and his wife came into our store one day and filled out a credit application. I may or may not have made an illicit copy of that application for my personal archives. Because I couldn't get over how cool it was that somebody could walk into a store, fill out a credit application and in the block that asked "Employer" could put "NASA" and in the block that asked "Occupation" could say "Command Astronaut". He may as well have just whipped out a 12" cock, slapped it on the counter and said "I'd like to open an account!"

+ My dad worked at the TWA Overhaul Base for about 25 years. In November, 1984, the shuttle Enterprise, carried on the back of a Boeing 747 payed a visit to the base in the late 70's or early 80's. My dad got me in to see it and take some pictures. I also got a commemorative baseball cap.

* After I married my first wife, we planned a vacation to Washington, D.C. My NASA buddy Tony E. suggested we factor in some time to meet and hang out with him. We could even stay at his place for a couple of days. AWESOME! We went, we met Tony, we had a great time. He got us a private tour of a Smithsonian Air and Space Museum annex in Maryland that wasn't open to the public. It was fun! It wasn't until we got back that my wife informed me that Tony E. was quite obviously incredibly gay. I had no idea. Turns out that all of that cool stuff he had been sending me for years was because he wanted to get in my pants. Did not see that coming. My 1st wife's gaydar was strong.

+ By 1986, I was working for AT&T. All of my friends at work knew I was a huge space nerd. I don't think it was anymore than 48 hours after the Challenger disaster that they started inflicting NASA jokes on me. "Know what NASA stands for? Need Another Seven Astronauts!" There were lots more. I won't repeat them here.

+ On January 31st, 2003, I was a divorced dad hosting a slumber party for my 9 year old daughter and about a dozen of her screaming, giggling girlfriends. The next morning, February 1st, I was fixing breakfast for the girls and waiting for their parents to come and pick them up when I started hearing news reports that communication with the shuttle Columbia had been lost during reentry. That was a very sad day.

+ In 2009, Mike Massimino (@Astro_Mike) becomes the first NASA astronaut to tweet from space.

I'll miss the shuttle, but I look forward to what will come next. Humans are pretty amazing.

Except for you.

You Stupid, Gullible, Trader Joe Sycophants

2011-07-15T20:55:00.003-05:00

The Greater Metropolitan Kansas City Area is pissing all over themselves (and not an insignificant number of innocent bystanders) over a fucking grocery store opening.

Trader Joe's has come to Kansas City in two locations.

"2 BUCK CHUCK! 2 BUCK CHUCK!"

"Who Gives a Fuck? Who Gives a Fuck?"

Apparently a lot of upscale, gullible, meat puppets who are easily manipulated by clever marketing give a fuck for 2 Buck Chuck and the whole manufactured "Trader Joe's" mythos.

SCENARIO 1:
A grocery store at 7th & Paseo offers an inconsistent, rotating stock of food products from sources and brands that can't be found anywhere else at prices lower than you would find for comparable items at say, Price Chopper or Hy-Vee.

ASSUMPTION 1: This is an Aldis store offering low grade, off-brand crap that "normal people" would never buy, to low-class, food stamp recipients who can't afford the quality of produce they could get if they could afford to shop at Price Chopper or Hy-Vee.

SCENARIO 2:
A grocery store on 119th St. in Leawood, KS offers an inconsistent, rotating stock of food products from sources and brands that can't be found anywhere else at prices lower than you would find for comparable items at say, Price Chopper or Hy-Vee.

ASSUMPTION @: This is Trader Joes! Offering exotic, organic, exclusive, hard-to-find, off-brand products that only "in the know" foodie intelligentsia can acquire because they are way too smart and hip to shop at such low-brow, "common" places like Price Chopper or Hy-Vee.

YOUR EPIPHANY: You "upscale" JoCo, Beemer-Hummer driving fucktards are buying and eating the same "unique" food products as your ghetto-dwelling brethren. It's just sold in different packages and presented by different people.

At an Aldis in the hood, if you try to rip open a package and sample a pretzel before buying the bag, you will probably be tackled and tazed by a retired police officer! You might even die!

At a Trader Joe's, you can ask some Jimmy Buffet looking mother fucker to open the bag for you and he will happily let you try a taste before you buy it.

It's the same fucking pretzel! It's the same fucking price! Only the training of the employee and the expectation of the customer are different.

You privileged, upscale, conservative, condescending, hipster motherfuckers make me want to puke!

You can take your 2 Buck Chuck and shove it up your pompous, foodie, pretentious fucking hipster asses.

A Biblical Account of God's Brutal, Anonymous, Gay Rape of a Polygamist

2011-07-03T22:17:00.005-05:00

If any of you bible-thumpers can come up with an explanation of this passage from Genesis that doesn't have Jacob sending his 2 wives (tell me again what the traditional, biblical definition of marriage is?) and other family members away so that God can brutally ass-rape Jacob and send him home limping from the experience, I'd love to hear it.

GENESIS 33:22 - The same night he rose and took his two wives, his two maids, and his eleven children, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok.
23 - He took them and sent them across the stream, and likewise everything that they had.
24 - And Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day.
25 - When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and Jacob's thigh was put out of joint as he wrestled with him.
26 - Then he said 'Let me go, for the day is breaking.' But Jacob said, 'I will not let you go unless you bless me.'
27 - And he said to him. 'What is your name?' And he said 'Jacob.'
28 - Then he said, 'Your name shall no more be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.'
29 - Then Jacob asked him, 'Tell me, I pray, what is your name.' But he said 'Why is it that you ask my name?' And there he blessed him.
30 - So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, saying 'For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved.'
31 - The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his thigh.

Urban Photo Safari 2011

2011-06-18T18:44:00.038-05:00

So today I participated in the Urban Photo Safari for the first time. A tip o' the hat to my Little Buddy "The_D_Rules" for letting me know about this.

It worked like this. We showed up at Mildred's in the Cross Roads to register at 9am. We had until 1pm to take as many photos as we wanted. We returned at 1pm to have all of our photos downloaded. We have until Monday at 11pm to let the organizers know which 10 photos we want to submit for voting. In addition to the 10, we also need to submit a self portrait. We can also submit extra photos in the categories of "Collision", "Invade" and "Illuminate".

I took 65 photos. I have culled those down to a self portrait, 2 Collision photos, and 15 possible submissions. Although the photos had to be submitted "as is", right off the camera, I have 2 ex-wives and numerous ex-girlfriends who will vouch for the fact that I am incapable of leaving well enough alone. So I have included both the raw and photo shopped versions for your enjoyment and judgement.

I would be most appreciative if you would vote in the comments and let me know which ones you like and don't like.

Here is my self portrait.

These are my "Collision" photos.

The rest of these are all candidates for my 10 submissions. I've included the numbers so you can vote for your choices. Let me know which ones you like best.

VOTE 1

VOTE 2

VOTE 5

VOTE 6

VOTE 9

VOTE 12

VOTE 30

VOTE 31

VOTE 42

VOTE 51

VOTE 52

VOTE 54

VOTE 61

VOTE 62

VOTE 65

Kaw Point

2011-06-11T23:28:00.007-05:00

Alabama Is An Illegal Immigrant Magnet?!? Seriously?!?

2011-06-10T09:48:00.003-05:00

"Alabama governor signs tough new immigration law"

"(CNN) -- Alabama's governor has signed what he billed as tough illegal immigration legislation, requiring police to check the status of anyone they suspect may be in the country illegally when stopped for another reason."

This makes no fucking sense.

Who are these illegal Mexicans invading Alabama?

I mean, look at a U.S. map. If I'm in Mexico, I would have to cross the U.S. border into Texas, travel east across a HUGE expanse of Texas, and pass through Louisiana and Mississippi in order to get to Alabama.

1.) Why the fuck wouldn't I just stay in Texas?
2.) New Orleans or Baton Rouge are way more appealing than anything in Alabama.
3.) Mississippi...OK, I get that. Keep going.
4.) Alabama? Seriously? I've come this far, why would I stop in Alabama when I could travel just a little bit farther and be in fucking Florida!?! Once in Florida I could just tell everyone I'm Cuban and blend right in. I'm home free. Alabama?

Does the Governor of Alabama think that his new draconian legislation makes Alabama any less appealing to immigrants than the rampant poverty and racism they already have going for them?

Nothing about this makes any sense.

Unless, this is nothing but Republican grandstanding and pandering to it's illiterate, bigoted, right wing, paranoid electorate in a cheap and transparent attempt to garner redneck votes in the next election.

The it would make perfect sense.

A Most Unexpected Road Trip

2011-05-29T19:37:00.026-05:00

So yesterday Cara posted on her Facebook page about her intention to attend the Heartland Peace Rally in Joplin as a counter-protest to the Westboro Baptist Church's plans to demonstrate at the Memorial Service for the Joplin Tornado victims.

She asked if anyone else was going and indicated that her car had room for 3 more people.

In an uncharacteristic display of complete spontaneity, I decided to ride along. So a young, female, Jewish, conservative and an old, atheist, socialist curmudgeon set out on a road trip!

We got there early and had time to view some of the devastation left by the tornado. It was staggering. I've lived in the midwest all my life and I've never seen anything like this.

You here people compare the destruction to a war zone. I've never been in a war but I'm fairly certain that nothing short of a nuclear weapon could cause this amount of damage.

The turn out in support of the folks in Joplin was quite large, loud and enthusiastic.

We got to see President O'Bama arrive on Air Force One.

It wasn't the usual 747, but a lesser Air Force One that landed in Joplin.

We never did see any members of the Westboro Baptist Church, although various rumors had them blocked in at the Flying J truck stop by truckers, getting beat up by some truckers, getting tear gassed by the police and being hauled off to jail. None of which were true. But having never encountered them we can't claim to have been much of a counter-protest.

We didn't help any residents clean up or rebuild. We didn't actually accomplish anything.

But sometimes you just have to see a thing for yourself and lend your support in whatever way you can.

A Brief History of Israel

2011-05-23T19:34:00.005-05:00

The Biblical state of Israel only existed for about 300 years.

In around 1000 BC, King David conquered Jerusalem and carved the state of Israel out of a chunk of what had been, for the previous 1000 years or so, the land of Canaan.

The Israelites felt compelled to conquer Canaan because their God told them they could have Canaan. That and the force of arms was their only claim to the land.

Israel thrived, more or less, until about 722 BC when it was conquered by the Assyrians.

Then conquered again by the Babylonians in 586 BC.

Then conquered again by the Persians about 50 years later. The Persian remained in control of the area until Alexander the Great conquered it around 331 BC.

After the death of Alexander, the area bounced around in limbo until it came under Roman rule in about 164 BC. This is when the area became known as Palestine.

At no time during the previous 2000 years was the area populated by a Jewish majority. It was populated by a mix of indigenous people who had been inhabiting the area continuously for 10,000 years. The Jewish people were just part of the mix.

The Roman Empire ruled Palestine until about 300 AD. The Byzantine Empire ruled Palestine from about 300 AD until 638 AD when the Muslims took control and held it until it became part of the Ottoman Empire in 1517.

The Ottoman Empire remained in control of Palestine until the end of WWI when it was divided between the British and the French.

Although there was talk of establishing a Jewish homeland in the area, it wasn't until after WWII that the British finally punted, turned the issue over to the newly formed United Nations and let them decide what to do with Palestine.

The U.N. basically split Palestine into an Arab Palestine and a Jewish Israel in 1947. That was just 64 years ago. It was not a popular decision then and it has not aged well.

Imagine if the United Nations decided to split Texas in half and give half of it to the Mexicans. The displaced Texans and the neighbors in the surrounding states might take issue with the decision.

Imagine further that the Mexicans decided that half of Texas wasn't enough and went to war with Oklahoma, Arkansas and Louisiana to annex even more territory. Ya know, for "security".

So, let's just take a step back here.

Over the course of the last 10,000 years, Israel existed for 300 years because their God said so and again for the last 64 years because the United Nations said so.

When you look at the big picture, telling Israel that they can't keep the land they took by force in 1967 and need to pull back to the land that was taken from the Palestinians and given to them in 1947 doesn't seem to be all that egregious.

The bottom line here is that the only reason the state of Israel exists again after
3000 years is because the United Nations took a chunk of land away from one group of people and gave it to another group of people. It's not as though it was brought into existence by God Himself and has remained inviolate for all of human history.

Israel is a consensual construct of modern international law. It's borders were negotiated into existence against the will of it's neighbors and they can only be maintained through continuing negotiations with those same, hostile neighbors.

If world history teaches us anything, it's that nothing lasts forever.