Killer Candles

Bought some new candles today (no homo) and just noticed the WARNING LABEL on the bottom (again, no homo).

DO NOT REMOVE THIS LABEL

WARNING: FAILURE TO FOLLOW THESE DIRECTIONS COULD RESULT IN UNEXPECTED FIRE HAZARD OR PERSONAL INJURY.

Completely remove plastic film and paper label (including this paper label...I'm already confused!!) before lighting. Never burn a candle on or near anything that can catch fire. Burn candle within sight. Trim wick to 1/4 inch before each lighting. Stop use when 1/2 inch of wax remains. Keep wax free of wick trimmings, matches or any other material. Do not place candle on warmer or other heated surface. Do not touch or move while candle is hot.

KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN AND PETS.

Who knew candles could be so dangerous?!

Am I nuts, or is anything more than a warning that "Shit that's on fire can burn you and catch other shit on fire" just pandering to stupidity? Who needs to be warned about that?

For even more stupidity, go HERE.

WARNING: Clicking on the above link may induce uncontrollable laughter, unexpected rage, spontaneous incontinence, occasional impotence, sporadic hair loss, embarassing itching and scratching, a burning sensation in the genitals, blurry vision, nausea and possible projectile vomiting, bloody stools, spastic twitching, an inexplicable increase in ear wax, bigger boogers, slurring of speech, really freaky birth defects (we're talking Ripley's here), premature ejaculations and menstration (in both men and women), and, of course, cancer.