Monday, December 22, 2008

I'm Gonna Do It!

I have a Special Friend coming over tomorrow night.

No, not that kind of Special.

The other kind of Special.

We're going to chill, have a couple (=more than a couple) of drinks, watch some movies and have supper. I'm cooking and she wants FRIED CHICKEN!

Now, I don't normally make fried chicken at home. If I want to eat fried chicken, I'll just pick some up at Price Chopper or Popeyes. All the great taste without the eggs and flour and grease and mess!

But not tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm pulling the trigger on the late Greg Beck's per-fuckin-fect fried chicken!

I didn't make it when I lived in Liberty because I had an expensive gas range and the thought of big pans of boiling oil sitting over open flames in a rented house scared the living shit out of me and would have terrified my Landlord!

But now I have an electric range and I'm willing to chance it.

For you heathens and newbies who don't know what I'm talking about, I'm republishing his recipe here, in his own words:


Greg Beck's per-fuckin-fect fried chicken.

What you'll be needing.

1. Large pot, not a fry pan or a fancy pants sauté pan but a large to medium sized metal pot.

2. Large bottle of canola oil.

3. Dead chicken, I use wings or skinless breasts and cut em into strips. You use what you want.

4. Six eggs

5. Bunch of fuckin flour.

6. Salt

7. Pepper

8. Garlic, I use either powdered or minced

9. Onion powder

10. Old Bay Seasoning

11. Red pepper, powdered or crushed

12. One popcorn kernel

What to do with all this shit.

1. Put pot on stove and pour oil in till pots halfway filled. But don't turn on the heat yet.

2. Wash chicken in cold water, then rewash your fuckin hands. Always be with the hand washing!

3. Salt and pepper the chicken, then sprinkle with Old Bay Seasoning.

4. Take a large bowl and crack all six eggs into it. Then add small amount of garlic and Old Bay plus a bit of onion powder. Get one of those whippy things and whip the egg mix till all the shit blends together.

5. Add chicken and make sure it's all covered by egg mix then put in fridge.

6. Now go have a smoke or surf the net for a half hour or so.

7. Now you can turn on the stove. Medium high heat should do. You don't want it too hot no matter what that punkass Emrill says.

8. If you gots a gas stove you want the flame where it's just starting to spread under the middle of the pot. For electric stove you want high heat. Gas gets hotter you know.

9. Find a large paper sack and pour a shitload of flour into it. Add salt and pepper and also garlic to taste. Add onion powder and more Old Bay. Shake all this shit together. The mix is right when it smells good.

10. Throw popcorn kernel into pot of oil. As soon as it pops the oil's hot enough.

11. Take the bowl of egg washed chicken out of the fridge and put chicken into sack and shake like a muthafucker. Chicken should come out of bag fully coated.

12. Carefully lay chicken into hot oil, do not pack together but loosely. You cook this shit in batches.

13. Now here's the most important part!! Once chicken goes in do not fuckin touch it! If you've done what I've said the chicken should be completely covered by the oil. Now go sit your ass down somewhere. Hear the noise of the chicken frying? When the frying noise stops and the chicken floats, that means the chicken's done.

14. Carefully remove chicken from pot and lay on screen or paper towels. As soon as you do that sprinkle with salt.

Repeat cooking process till all chicken's cooked.

15. Add frozen fry's to the still hot oil. Cook to taste.

You will end up with crisp tasty that's not greasy or oily. And get this, it tastes better after a night in the fridge!



For a side, she wants "cheesy corn".

I had no fucking idea what she was talking about (not unusual of the many reasons I enjoy her company) so I googled it and came up with this recipe:


Smoke Stack Cheesy Corn Bake Recipe

This recipe is credited to Fiorella's Jack Stack Barbecue in Kansas City, MO. Nothing like Kansas City barbecue, and this is a very popular side dish served at the "Stack."

1¼ hours 30 min prep

SERVES 10 -12

2 tablespoons butter or margarine
4 teaspoons flour
1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
3/4 cup milk
1 1/2 cups sharp American cheese, shredded
1 (3 ounce) package cream cheese, cut up
3 (10 ounce) packages frozen whole kernel corn, thawed
3 ounces diced ham

Melt butter; stir in flour and garlic powder.
Add milk; cook & stir over medium heat.
Heat until thick and bubbly; stir in cheeses. Cook/stir over low heat until cheeses melt; stir in corn & ham.
Bake in 2 qt casserole for 45 minutes at 350.


But she gave me a huge WTF on the ham, so I'll be leaving that shit out.

I may toss in some smashed spuds and gravy and some bread & butta.

I ran the numbers and by Christmas Eve we should both be about 300 lbs heavier.

2009 is going to involve some MAJOR lifestyle modifications for me.


"The D" said...

I think its really nice of you to cook dinner for the mentally challenged. I'm just surprised you found someone that was more challenged than you.


Hey, listen if I don't get a chance before now and Thursday have a Merry Christmas!

SmedRock said...

As for lifestyle changes, coming out are ya?


Don't worry I think you are fab anyway. Good for you ,cooking for your girl on occasion. Now get back to the kitchen...

Nice to see Greg still influencing things down here.

Merry Christmas and have fun.

Absolutely Feisty said...

To "The D": Fuck off, we're everywhere!

XO: If I've said it once.. I've said it a million times.. You fucking ROCK! And you pee "awesome" when you wake up.


Spyder said...

Hubby did Greg's recipe & LOVED it.

Anonymous said...

That sounds good except for the canola oil. I like peanut oil or lard. I mean why pretend it's healthy right?

Groucho K. Marx said...

With all the F-bombs in the recipe- does the consumer of said treat FEEL like "doin-it" afterwards?

Heh- Cherry Mristmas Hipper and everybody!!


Absolutely Feisty said...

Ew he said I'm "doin it" with an old man! lol ;)

For future reference.. no one is "doin it"

Does remind me of a song though.. oh never mind.

I Travel for JOOLS said...

Sounds yummy. Merry Christmas, XO.

See ya next year.

I Travel for JOOLS said...

Sounds yummy. Merry Christmas, XO.

See ya next year.

Dexter Colt said...

This is some good holiday eating. And, the addition of cheesy corn? Genius and/or death wish.

Anonymous said...

I'm officially jealous!!! Damn, that's some good lookin' fried chicken. I miss Straud's being in my 'hood even more now.
Enjoy & happy holidays to ya both!

Fin said...

that is an AWESOME recipe :)

Erin said...

omg cheesy corn bake FTW