Disasters in Dating Part 4

Yes readers, it's time for another chapter of "Disasters in Dating"!

Now, let me start by saying that there was no actual date involved in this story. So if you are someone I've dated recently, rest assured, this is not about you.

Call me!

No, this whole story played out in the course of this morning.

It shouldn't come as a surprise to any of you to know that I have my profile posted on a few online dating sites. It's always good to diversify. Don't want to have all of you nuts in one sack, as it were.

Some are better than others. One in particular is yielding very poor results indeed. Every time I look at the "matches" they have found I scream "THAT'S A GODDAMN LIE! THOSE ARE NOT MY FUCKING MATCHES!"

But I was on one of the better sites this morning, looking at profiles and saw one that caught me eye. Very, attractive. Profile was well written and honest. We shared similar professions. She captured my interest so I shot her a quick note.

To my delight, she responded.

"Hi Xavier,

Thanks for your icebreaker.

I, too, am honest, upfront and yes, confident in who I am.

Your profile said you were an atheist... it that real or part of your sense of humor?

I am a christian, don't preach it or push it, haven't even been to church for a long, long time. But, I do live it.

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~

If you'd like to respond more, write me.

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~

-the Yahoo police will get me if I don't code it that way.

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~

Interested?

Thanks Xavier,

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~"

Sweet! Sounded like maybe I should explain myself, so I did. I won't bore you with those details. You all know I'm an atheist, you all know why, you've all heard it before. The important thing for you to know is that I sent her the email from my Xavier Onassis account that has the link to my blog on it.

Here is what I got back.

"Hi Xavier,

Thanks for the reply, and I really did appreciate your explanation.

I clicked on your Hip Suburban White Guy link and was blown away. I am a simple girl from the country, now living in the big city. I think you are way too "out there" for me. I don't think we could share in a conversation. OK, I could probably not share in a conversation with you.

You seem very intelligent and knowledgeable about alot of things, that I am just not interested in. I would bore you to death. Don't get me wrong, I'm intelligent, just try to stay away from a life of sarcasm, ranting and raving. Makes my head hurt!

I am more about two people sharing each other's lives and interests. Making each other feel like they are on top of the world. I don't care what the rest of the world thinks.

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~

I believe in live and let live.

I think I could fuck your brains out, show you some feelings that you've never felt before, but then that would be judgemental of me, you would say something, I would be out in left field, and our time together would be over.

Thanks for your time and writing back- I just don't think we are a good match."

I have to say, she seems to have a pretty good head on her shoulders. She made a good call.

I actually thought about removing the link to the blog from my auto-signature, but I decided that would be dishonest so I left it in.

Jaclyn was right! Why am I not surprised?

When I started my blog just over 3 years ago, the "Xavier Onassis" persona was a buffer between the real me and the Internet masses. Kind of like a super hero's secret identity. It allowed me the anonymity to do and say things that I might not do or say in real life. Outrageous, inflammatory things. Established local bloggers seemed to be doing that to get attention and traffic, so I thought I needed to do that too.

But over time, much like an old married couple, I've become more like XO and XO has become more like me. Which probably explains why this blog has become so fucking boring.

The nexus of this merger came when I heard one of my most respected friends and blogging buddies describing me to a new blogger (and my new BFF) by saying "XO in real life is EXACTLY like he is on his blog." And I took it as a compliment.

Well, fuck me running!

I suppose I should view this as a good thing. From now on,

"Instead of a couple of months of expensive, awkward dinners, happy hour drinks and strained social activities, why don't you just spend a couple of hours reading my blog and get back to me."

It does seem to be a much more elegant and streamlined approach.

So much simpler.