Sunday, March 12, 2006

LEZAK! God of Thunder!

This has been a very stormy day in the KC area. The kind of day that makes non-midwesterners tremble with fear at the thought of living here. Huge, powerful thunderstorms capable of producing F3, F4 or even F5 (a.k.a. "The Finger Of God") tornados moving through the area, one after the other. We're talking Wizard of Oz shit here.

I watched several TV station's coverage of the storms and, once again, KSHB's Gary Lezak was the absolute best. KMBC's Bryan Busby seemed to be dueling for airtime with some blonde chick. KCMO's weather team didn't even seem to understand or be able to adequately explain their own radar technology. And, predictably, Fox4's weather team claimed that the "perception" of "bad weather" in the area was all due to "liberal media bias" and focused instead on the "good weather" outside the stormy areas and credited the Bush Administrations "Fair Weather Policy" as the source.

But Lezak rocked! I don't know what all those radars and software programs they have are, but it was like watching something from Star Wars. They can take a thunderstorm, "dissect" it, turn it on it's side, and see the vertical flow within the storm cell! They can do all kinds of cool shit! Plus, they can control it while standing in front of the green screen map with points of a finger and waves of their hands! Almost like "Minority Report".

OK, I know I sound like I'm KSHB's bitch or that I'm Gay For Gary. Not true! I was just really impressed by the technology they had, literally, at their fingertips and the accuracy of it. The weather was blowing (No Homo) through Liberty right on cue...just like their radar stuff was predicting.

True, Lezak is a Total Nerd. When he was a kid he probably had the shit beat out of him every day after school just for breathing other people's air. And I'm absolutely fed up with those fucking "weather dogs", Stormy and Wendy. The straw that broke the camel's back was when they started selling cute little stuffed toy "weather dogs" in the grocery stores. That is WAY over the top! STOP THAT SHIT IMMEDIATELY!

But that said, when I want accurate weather reports, KSHB is where I go.

FULL DISCLAIMER - CAVEAT - ANECDOTE: Back in late April, 1993 I was preparing to marry my second wife. Wedding date was May 1st (MAYDAY! MAYDAY! I should have known how THAT would end!). The weather was typically unpredictable. Our wedding reception was going to be outside, at a friend's house, up by the airport. Roasted Pig, Live Band, Kegs, the works. The weather reports were talking about the possibility of huge thunderstorms that weekend. The soon-to-be-wife-later-to-be-ex was freaking! We had no "Plan B". So I contacted Gary Lezak and told him of our situation. He actually volunteered to call my fiance at her work everyday in the last few days leading up to the wedding and give her personal, up to date forecasts just to ease her mind. The end result was that the reception went off without a hitch. From where we were, we could see thunderstorms all around us, on every horizon. But we remained storm free and it was a great fucking party! Lousy ass marriage that ended in disaster, but a great fucking party.


Anonymous said...

Gary "NEW DATA" Lezak
Katie " The sky is Falling" Horner
Bryan "Commercial intruptus" Busby
And the Fox 4 weather "TEAM" who can't even agree with each other

Anonymous said...

I did a charity event w/ Mr. Lezak a few years ago at the Oak Park dick

Anonymous said...

I think Larry, I mean Gary is the bomb! I love him and wish that breezy and stormy could come out and play!!!!! Gary, are you gay????? I heard you like boys. Is this true? please, don't break my cucumbers heart!!!!! your friend, the secret Meterer Chick!!!!!!!