Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Mind Your Own Goddamn Business!!

Some Raytown woman has her knickers in a twist because some guy was watching porn on a DVD player in his car.

"My curiosity got going about it. What is he watching?"

When she drove up to the corner at 63rd Street and Woodson Road, she realized what kind of movie was playing.

"It doesn't take too much to figure that out. You know, if he's too busy watching the movie, he's not paying attention to the people around him."

I think she's paying just a little bit too much attention to the people around her. Nosy bitch. None of your fucking business what someone else is doing in their car.

Now, I agree that drivers should drive and not be doing other things...like talking on their fucking cell phones, putting on makeup, pointing out local landmarks to their out of town hick relatives, and, my biggest pet peeve, READING!! Eyes up, motherfucker! Pay attention!!

So while I agree in principal with the woman's stated concern that the driver in question was distracted, I think she was even more distracted (and maybe just a little bit turned on? C'mon! Admit it! You were getting all wet and light-headed just thinking about it, weren't ya? "Oh my! Is that SEX? People having SEX? Is that what that is? Oh my!! Is it getting hot in here?").

I think she just has a bug up her ass about porn (the primary justification for the existence of the Internet. Remember...it was invented by computer nerds. 'Nuff said!)

A word to the wise from Uncle Xavier. Keep your fucking eyes on the road, hands at "10 and 2", assume every other driver is an idiot out to kill you, anticipate other drivers actions and drive defensively. Oh, and if you see a sign that says "Welcome To Kansas", swerve across all 4 lanes, cross the median and head back to Missouri. Johnson County is a death trap filled with inconsiderate, ass-riding, arrogant fucks who are paying even less attention to road conditions than the guy in Raytown choking his chicken in traffic.

And most important of all (in traffic and life in general), the key to a long and prosperous life is to mind your own fucking business and leave everyone else the hell alone. Especially me.


emawkc said...

How does she know he was watching the porn. Usually, those in-car DVD players are to keep the kids entertained during a trip. My guess is that the porn was for his kids.

And I thought it was AlGore who invented the Internet, although I hear he is kind of a freak.

"The D" said...

Maybe it was an instructional video for his girlfriend and he was saying stuff like "See that is what I am talking about. I want it done like that". Or his woman was in the video and she was just showing him what she had learned. Did anyone think of that?

Lunatic Biker said...

But XO, how can I keep two hands on the wheel and still jerk off while watching porn. Hmm. Hint to Mrs LB.