Lee’s Summit bans smoking

Let me see if I have this argument right.

If a person engages in a legal activity that puts their own health and saftey in danger, as well as endangering those around them who are involuntarily exposed to it, the government has an obligation to ban them from engaging in that activity in public places in the name of Public Safety and The Greater Good.

That's what the anti-smoking drive boils down to. Right?

Good! Excellent!

That means that I can count on the politically powerfull anti-smoking zealots to sign my petition to get a law on the ballot that PERMANANTLY BANS bicyclists from using public streets!

My argument goes like this. Try to follow along and see if anything sounds familiar:

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, somewhere between 600 to 700 cyclists are KILLED on public streets every year. Nearly 44,000 cyclists have been killed in traffic accidents on public streets since 1932.
The cost of this reckless activity is passed on to the rest of society through higher insurance premiums for non-cyclists.

Further more, these cyclists endanger others when they ride their bikes on streets meant for automobiles.

A driver is often forced to make a split-second decision to either slam on their brakes and risk being rear-ended by the car behind them, swerve into the opposing lane of traffic and risk a head-on collision, or leave the road and crash into an embankment to avoid the rude and discourteous behavior of these selfish cyclists who are asserting their "right to the road".

The cylclists have no "right to the road". Show me where in the Constitution or the Bill of Rights where it says that a person riding a bicycle has the right to endanger my life and the lives of the passengers in my car by riding a bicycle on a road meant for cars. That right doesn't exist.

Riding bicycles on public streets built for automobiles is clearly a dangerous and deadly habit. Yet cyclists, knowing these dangers, continue to engage in this deadly activity. Clearly they are too stupid to quit on their own, so for their own good and for the good of everyone else, we need to prohibit them from engaging in this legal activity in public places.

Now, before you get your spandex knickers in a twist, we aren't taking away anyone's "right to bike". You can wear your ridiculous looking outfits and your totally unnecessarily streamlined helmets and ride your sissy bikes whenever you want...just not on public streets.

You can still ride your bikes on designated bike paths with "your own kind" where there is no automobile traffic. How can that possibly inconvenience you? We're not taking anything away from you! We're prolonging your life! Ya know, for your own good! 'Cause we're smarter than you! You don't know no better! It ain't yur fault!

Or better yet, just ride a stationary bike in the privacy of your own home. You can even still wear your spandex and your silly little hat (sorry..."helmet"). But I won't have to be subjected to such a deeply disturbing sight.

Or the smell. My God. Ever been around a sweaty cyclist on a hot summer day? It's enough to gag a maggot. It would knock a buzzard off a gut-wagon. I HATE the smell of sweaty cyclists! Plus, I have a queasy stomach anyway, so being exposed to second-hand sweat makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

Your "right to bike" ends when it meets my right to operate my legal SUV in a safe and responsible manner, on streets made for automobiles (not bikes) without putting my life, other motorists lives, and the lives of my passengers at risk through your selfish and inconsiderate activity.

I know I can count on the support of every single anti-smoking-Nazi to help me get this important public safety legislation passed into law.

I look forward to your support this November. Or whenever the fuck the next election is.

I'm Xavier Onassis and I approved this message.