In the immortal words of Winston Wolfe, "Well, let's not start sucking each other's dicks quite yet."
There's another turd lurking in the punchbowl.
Just about everytime I've been to the Doctor's office, they've mentioned that my blood pressure was "a little high". But they didn't make a big deal out of it because everytime I was there it was because I was in pain, or sick or something was wrong. All of which can elevate your blood pressure.
When I had my blood pressure taken at the Wellness Fair, it read high and she asked me if I normally ran high. I said I don't know. She took it again. It was still high (I forget what it was. The numbers mean nothing to me and I didn't write it down). She told me I should get it checked by my doctor.
When I mentioned this in my email to my doctor (that's right...I can actually email my doctor and he responds! Fucker even has wifi in his office and brings a laptop into the examining room along with his dad's old leather exam bag. He's a nerd, but I like him), he asked me to start taking my blood pressure whenever I was in Walmart or Hy-Vee and recording the measurements so we could discuss during my next visit.
My first thought was "Oh fuck. That's what OLD PEOPLE do."
My second thought was, I don't need to monitor my blood pressure. I just need to send my doc a link to my blog and record just one morning's worth of audio on my 30 minute drive into work. He'll have me on state-of-the-art meds in a flash.
I may just spend $80 or so and get a nice high-tech home monitor that connects to my PC with a USB port and prints graphs and shit just so I can salvage some kinda geeky-cool out of this without totally surrendering to mall-walking!!
Anyway, I just happened to be at Osco today and remembered that I was supposed to start doing that. So I did. 157 over 95. That's like Stage 1 Hypertension Country.
That can't be good.
So in anticipation of being forced to modify my diet to lower salt, eat more veggies, yadda, yadda, yadda...
Tonight I'm making chili. Red meat. Beans. Cheese (4 kinds). Sour Cream. CORN BREAD! BUTTER! HONEY!! BOURBON!!!!
Come on over. There's plenty!