Wednesday, February 21, 2007

It's That Time Of Year Again!!

You know the drill guys.

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines day you rack your fucking brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for her more than any other.

Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that fucking much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat, unacustomed thought and, on average, half a fucking paycheck.

Another secret ladies; guys feel left out.

That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day".

Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all.

Just a steak and a BJ.

Thats it.

Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!

The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world. And, of course, steak and BJ's.

Girls, remember that old grade school tradition of giving a Valentine's Day card to every boy in your class? You work with guys, right? Why not give them a "Steak and BJ Day" card? I can guarantee you a newfound level of nerdy computer support, security walks to your car, and an increased interest in any words that come out of your mouth.

This is a win/win scenario.

[Any guy who reports you to HR for giving him a Steak & Blow Job card is gay!]

Steak and BJ Day was founded by Tom Birdsey (may God Bless his Brilliantly GENIUS Eternal Soul, Amen)


Iwanski said...

I CANNOT WAIT to tell the wife about this holiday.

Faith said...

Oh, then you can't WAIT to hear your wife laughing her ass off, either? :D

Actually, I think it's a nifty idea myself. I heard about it last year, but kind of failed to mention it to my fiance, and then it somehow passed us by without any steak or bj happening at all. Maybe this year, he'll be able to remember...

Heather said...

Can't I just send a card???

travelingal said...

Guess XO won't be blogging March 14

snicker snort

Xavier Onassis said...

travel - I'm a very lucky man. I can have steak & blowjob day anytime I want.

Because I have a wonderful girlfriend who loves me.

It's only after you're married that shit like that stops so fast you get whiplash.

Spyder said...

My husband deserves a steak. But I gag every morning on my toothbrush soooo... he's shit out of luck for the bj. It's ok I can still rock his world.

Lunatic Biker said...

My Mrs said recently, 'why do women blow the slugs they date and then stop when they get married? It should be the other way around'. Yeah, I know why. Glad I didn't marry one of them.

travelingal said...

Actually, XO, you bring up a totally different topic. The diff between dating and marriage from a personal perspective, very personal perspective. I have a bit of rusty but I'll tell ya it might be a good blog topic

Robbie said...

In honour of such a great holiday, I offer the following Not-For-Hallmark greetings….

It’s March 14th
You know what that means
I’ll gobble your knob
And juggle your beans
Now eat your steak
Like a good little chum
And when you’re all finished
I’ll swallow your cum!

For more information about this wonderful holiday, make sure to visit: - they have some neat cards!

Xavier Onassis said...

Robbie - Great poem! I fucking love it. Your site has taken steak and blow job day to new heights.

I'm not worthy!

I bow down before...

WAIT!!! I didn't mean it like that goddamnit!

Steak and BJ man said...

i love this holliday. In fact I dedicated my blog to it!

Check it out: