Sunday, April 01, 2007

Community Sues To Oust 3-Year-Old

OK, obviously my previous post was a big steamy pile of shit.

Happy April Fool's Day.

An unrepentant Attention Whore like me give up blogging? Are you out of your fucking mind? That would be like Dubya giving up lying to Americans. It would be like Cheney giving up shooting his friends. Not gonna happen! Wouldn't be "prudent".

This news story PISSED ME OFF so much I couldn't even wait till tomorrow to post it.

"A Florida homeowners group wants 3-year-old Kimberly Broffman to take her Big Wheel and hit the road.

They've banded together to oust the toddler from their Tampa-area community, which bans residents under 18.

The child's grandparents, Judie and Jimmy Stottler, admit Kimberly's been living there in violation of homeowners' association rules for three years. They said her mother has a drug problem, and isn't capable of caring for the child."

This is why I will NEVER, EVER live in an area that has a Homeowner's Association.

Fucking tight-assed, control-freak, selfish, greedy, goddamned NAZIs!!!

I've been a homeowner several times. Each time I kept my home in good repair, maintained it well, and respected my neighbors.

But goddamn it, if I OWN a piece of land, then it is fucking MINE! It is the Principality of Fucking Onassis. It is XOland. It is my fucking domain and I will do with it as I please. I'll build guard towers, post snipers and issue passports and visas to regulate who may or may not set foot on my land. If I want to paint my house Rescue Orange and turn my yard into a dandelion orchard, then By God that's what I'll fucking do!

I'll be goddamned to hell if I will PAY a group of cocksucking doorknobs to dictate to me what I can and cannot do with my own fucking property!

If you want to tell me what color my house can be, what materiels my roof can be made of, how tall my grass can be, what I can and cannot have in my driveway, what signs I can display, whether or not I can have a storage shed or who can live in MY FUCKING HOUSE, then you better be prepared to start paying a hefty percentage of my mortgage.


All of that having been said, what kind of old, tired, dried up, bitter, cranky, twisted, fucktard can't find unmitigated JOY in watching a little kid tool up and down a sidewalk on a Big Wheel? Hell, I wish they made adult sized Big Wheels so I could ride up and down the street. That was like the earliest taste of FREEDOM! And it was SWEET!

If you are so fucking old and heartless that you are sufficiently annoyed by little kids on tricycles that you feel compelled to hire a lawyer and go to court to put a stop to it, then do the world a favor and just walk out in front of a bus.

The sooner you are dead, the better.

Are you sure that me continuing to have a blog is such a good idea?


travelingal said...

You should meet my neighbor. I live on over 20 acres. My daughter lives at one end of the property and I built a house at the other end which happens to be adjacent to a small culdesac type subdivision. As soon as the dozer dug the basement, this jackass starts complaining to the whole neighborhood about my house to be. Then he goes down to city hall and complains that I'm too close to his property line (which it wasn't).

Now mind you everybody in that subdivision has about 2 acres and like I said, I'm sitting on 20. We're not exactly in an "urban area" and my house is several hundred feet away from his. Well, I'd had enough and called him and asked him what his problem was. Know what he said...I was ruining his view and why didn't I build further away on my acreage and furthermore I was going to be devaluing his house because my house was only a bit over 2000 sq ft and he had this big fancy $500K house. Last but not least he heard I was putting in a swimming pool and he'd have to look at it from his upstairs bedroom window! I'm serious, that's what he said to me. I laughed in his face and informed him that I'd do as I damn well pleased on my own property, which by the way, I owned long before his subdivision was even built!

Now his rotten teenagers ride their 4 wheelers like crazed idiots straight down the property line about every day, doing wheelies, etc. I'm sure "daddy" eggs em on. I'm growing a crop of thistles right next to his property line and I can't wait till they bloom!

Don't mess with this old bitch!


crse said...

Are you even joking? A big wheel for grown ups? thats brilliant! You have a duty to the blogosphere my friend (lest we forget steak and blowjob day). Nothing says soul-less like trying to expel a crack baby from a good safe home in your community. I like traveling gal's solutions!

emawkc said...

XO, you seem a bit distressed. I hear there are some nice cabins in Montana you might be interested in.

Xavier Onassis said...

OK, I just did my taxes. Paying $100.00 to find out I owe $6,000 isn't really helping my attitude much.

Spyder said...

XO- My sympathies, man! I got a call from my tax guy today. I got better news than you my friend.

Joe said...

Maybe the child lives in a 55+ community and everyone agrees to the rules. I live in a HOA Townhouse development and I can't say I'm always happy about the rules, but I could always move if they pissed me off enough and the grandparents(?) of the toddler can do the same. Here's a case of "its about me".

Xavier Onassis said...

Okay, don't know what HOA is. But if it involves Draconian rules and neighbors spying on neighbors, my first guess is House Of Assholes (present company excluded, of course).

"a 55+ community and everyone agrees to the rules"

I'm 51 and I agree to as few rules as possible.

A kid on a big wheel will put a smile on my face a whole lot quicker that some old fucker measuring the height of a neighbors lawn or taking pictures of what's parked in his driveway.

I'll take anarchy over fascism any day. Democracy is simply the calm middle ground between those two extremes.

Keith Sader said...

XO, I love your blog, but I feel compelled to correct your mis-statement of our form of government.

We live in a representational republic, not a democracy. I'm pretty sure the old, and correct, version of the pledge went something like this:

...and to the republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.


crse said...

xo- Of course you are my favorite blog! (just dont tell the other blogs, you know how jealous they get)

Xavier Onassis said...

Keith - you are absolutely correct, my good man.

However, since we live in a country where a significant percentage of college grads can't even point to the United States on map of the world, trying to explain the difference is kinda like trying to teach a pig to wastes your time and it just annoys the pig.

I should have known that my astute and learned readers would not allow such a mis-statement to go uncorrected.

Thank you!

Joe said...

I don't disagree X (and I take no offense) I've had a few issues with the parking here at the townhouse and some of my neighbors have had their cars towed. I'm 46 and am retiring in less than 7 years and plan to live in my RV (that I can't park at the townhouse) and camp and not worry too much about anyone's rules. I remarried and my new wife already owned the place.

Spyder said...

I know of at least 2 college grads, who didn't even bother to go vote yesterday here in Raytown. Obviously education does not guarantee social awareness either. Voting is a duty & privileged. So I'm sulking today since many dems (my friends) who ran lost yesterday.