Monday, May 14, 2007

Menstrual Humor

When was the last time you used those two words in the same sentence?

And lived?

I was talking to the GF tonight. She is just coming off a really bad "visit". She came up with the idea that periods should have a rating scale like tornados or hurricanes.

Anything above an F5 period gets a name. Period Andrea. Period Gail.

"Remember Period Beulah back in March of '97? The one that keyed your truck and set fire to all your clothes? That was a bad one."

I remember attending a church service years ago where the pastor was driving home the point that the Bible has anticipated everything. No matter what trouble or difficulty you might be facing in your daily life, the Bible had a relevant reference.

A man in the back of the church stood up and meekly asked, "What about PMS Reverend? What does the Bible have to say about that?"

The Reverend thought for a minute, consulted his concordance, flipped through his annotated scripture and finally said "I have it Brother! And the Bible says, "...and Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."


crse said...

I like the naming them above F5! Although Im on the IUD so dont have bad periods anymore....why am i sharing this on your blog?

Spyder said...

Dear Lord, when will menopause kick in? Not frigging soon enough for me. I don't PMS. Hubby doesn't know unless I tell him that deconstruction is going on.

Xavier Onassis said...

My last wife - I could absolutely tell you with 100% infallible, Oracle-like accuracy when we were within a 24 hour window of The Start.

She couldn't. But I could. Did I ever point it out to her? Oh, HELL NO! I'm still alive, aren't I?

By the way, they did a study at Duke University back in the late 80's. It found that when women were ovulating, they were more attracted to strong, rugged self-sufficient, protective, masculine type men.

When they were menstruating, they were more attracted to men with a pair of scissors shoved in their eyes, their severed balls shoved in their mouths, soaked in gasoline and set on fire.

You can't argue with science.