"Once I finally get to Hell, what would my first blog post be?"
I know. Laptop plastics, ambient temperature in a flaming inferno, battery life, demon droppings, high-speed internet connections, supported satanic browsers, etc.
Fuck you. That's why it's an existential question, ya Philistine fuck.
So, ignoring all of the physical constraints and setting aside my own philosophical prohibitions against superstitious nonsense like concepts of heaven and hell...
If I were to go to hell, what would my first post be?
"Get that muthafuckin' pitchfork outta my ass, 'cause XO don't swing that way! Now take me to where you keep all them slutty bitches. I got me an eternity to spend and I need to GET BUSY!!."
Probably something like that.