Wednesday, June 20, 2007

My First Post From Hell

An innocent little conversation with Spyder on her Spyderweb led to a fairly existential question.

"Once I finally get to Hell, what would my first blog post be?"

I know. Laptop plastics, ambient temperature in a flaming inferno, battery life, demon droppings, high-speed internet connections, supported satanic browsers, etc.

Fuck you. That's why it's an existential question, ya Philistine fuck.

So, ignoring all of the physical constraints and setting aside my own philosophical prohibitions against superstitious nonsense like concepts of heaven and hell...

If I were to go to hell, what would my first post be?






"Get that muthafuckin' pitchfork outta my ass, 'cause XO don't swing that way! Now take me to where you keep all them slutty bitches. I got me an eternity to spend and I need to GET BUSY!!."

Probably something like that.

6 comments:

Spyder said...

Your luck will be tons of slutty bitches and you with a limp pitchfork! Or maybe slutty bitches who weigh tons.

Stinkbait Boucher said...

"Slutty Bitches and the Limp Pitchfork." Wasn't that a James Bondage film?

Webmiztris said...

it really does make you wonder why anyone wants to go to heaven, where all the virgins are at, instead of hell, where are the sluts are at. it doesn't make any sense!! LOL

Xavier Onassis said...

webmiztris - I'm tellin' ya! Those heavenly virgins just won't appreciate the level of skill involved in a perfectly executed Dirty Sanchez or find the humor in a well-timed Snowmobile. But they can always be counted on to do their part in The Bucking Bronco.

Fiery Ewok said...

omg I have no idea what a Dirty Sanchez or a well timed snowmobile.

I wonder what happens if I google it....

omg it's there. ewwwwwwww....

i didn't want to know. did not want to know.

delete delete delete why won't it delete!!!!!

crse said...

Ok now I want to know too....oh man I think ive done the snowmobile to myself....