Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Sad News To Report

Hi folks.

Moods are a bit subdued here today.

Regular readers know that I have been married and divorced twice. I don't talk about my ex's a lot. The first one, My Starter Wife (or MSW), was so long ago (we were divorced in, I don't know, '89, '90, '91...somewhere in there) that I never really think about it.

My last marriage resulted in my daughter, young Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis. That was cool. But I don't really think about her mother much at all. When I do, I just sort of think of her as The Egg Donor (or TED). Don't get me wrong, she's a good mother. She was just a lousy fucking wife. So her only remaining signifigance to me is as The Egg Donor (or TED).

I feel kind of bad about that now.

I just found out today that while my daughter was with me (thank God) on Father's Day and yesterday, her mother, TED, was in an accident.

Just a little background, TED had started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final.

You know how it is. One life altering change spawns another. You feel the need to stretch your wings and try new things.

TED also decided to get her belly button pierced.

Did herself. At home. With a needle. It got infected. Or so I heard.

I laughed so hard I peed myself. For about a week, actually.

I feel kind of bad about that now too. But I digress.

In the five years since our divorce, TED has logged a lot of hours at the controls. I've actually seen TED flying a few times. I'm sure her new husband (#3 for her...they were married 6 weeks after our divorce was final. Uh huh. Yep!) has probably been for a ride with her on more than one occasion.

Well, it turns out that Sunday afternoon, while Galadriel and I were watching the new Fantastic Four movie (it was fantastic, you should go see it), TED narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in northern Missouri (just outside Maryville) because of bad weather. Some could call it a crash; it was sure as hell an accident at the least.

Like I said, I just found out about it today.

National Transportation Safety Board officials have issued a preliminary determination stating that pilot error contributed to the accident; she was flying a single engine aircraft (a basic model, at best) in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.

Photographs below were taken at the scene and show the extent of damage to her aircraft.

She was very lucky.


JustCara said...


travelingal said...

You are really rotten !!!!!!


Stinkbait Boucher said...

you sonofabitch.

thank you by the way. I haven't laughed in a week. needed that.


Xavier Onassis said...

heh heh heh

Joe said...

yeah X you SOB you got me too ya bastard!

Iwanski said...

You're a bad, bad man.

Heather said...

You've just gained more points on my Love Meter. Before you know it, you'll be neck and neck to Mr. Not Dating!

Best blog-reading fun I've had in a while.

smedrock said...

THAT was good writing mister. And yes the new F4 movie was not bad at all.

Red7Eric said...

Hi, I'm totally gullible. Completely fell for it.



Anonymous said...

GREAT one. I almost peed MY pants.

Xavier Onassis said...

heh heh heh!!

I'm glad you all enjoyed this, but I can't take full credit. Wish I could.

The central story, including the punch line pic of the broom, has been around the internets for a while. Some one emailed it to me over a year ago, and I fell for it just as hard as all y'all did.

I just dusted it off and added some embellishments to "xavierize" it.

but hey, as long as I'm transparent with my corruption, there is no ethical violation. Right?

travelingal said...

If you want to see a really funny video, google National Lampoon 72 Virgins. I promise you'll laugh your ass off.

Xavier Onassis said...

travel - you're right! That was funny! But I'm afraid to post it here. Let somebody else get a knock at the door from Homeland Security.

Not me.

crse said...

that was fucking awesome. Ive been giggling about it for the last two days.

Spyder said...

I fell for it & when I saw the pcture itdidn't even register. I clicked on the photo thinking maybe then the photo would show. Here I was believing & thinking that there was a problem with posting the photo. Had to look at the comments to get it. DUH!

Spyder said...

Should have had the broom handle broken. That maybe would have helped me.

Spyder said...

So the hubby read the post & he didn't get the broom. I had to explain to him that she was riding it. Obviously we were meant for each other.