"THERE'S NO PARKING DOWNTOWN, THERE'S NO PARKING DOWNTOWN!! NOTHING NEW OR GOOD CAN SUCCEED BECAUSE THERE'S NO PARKING DOWNTOWN!! WAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!"
Well, I don't take nobody's word for nuthin', so I decide to put on my reporter's hat and engage in some hard-hitting, investigative journalism and get to the bottom of this conundrum.
I set out in search of The Truth. I start walking south on Walnut and HOLY FUCK! What the hell is THAT?!?
It looks like a short little sign pole of some sort. But instead of a sign it has this mechanical gadget type thing on top. I make a few inquiries amongst the natives and learn that this futuristic device is called a "parking meter" and it denotes a "parking place" where people may park their cars. Apparently the downtown streets are lined with them like picket fences in Iowa and many of them are, like this one, unused and available for parking.
And this is at 10:30am on a working Monday in downtown Kansas City! WOW!!
I am also informed that the menacingly dark, gaping maw across the street is NOT a cave filled with hungry bears, but something called a "parking garage" where dark openings are sold to waiting vehicles for a price. Such depraved decadence!!
I guess my quest is over and my mission is complete! I'll just head back to WHOA! What the fuck?
It's another one of those "parking garages"! Not a block away from the other one!
This is amazing! What a coincidence that must JAYSUS!!
I almost fell in! They should put up a warning sign or something so people don't HOLY CRAP!!
This is getting ridiculous! I'm starting to doubt that Tony or thepaintman have ever been OMG!!
Apparently this is the hindmost orifice of the previously pictured beastie. Not only are these critters prolific, they appear to have many, umm, "openings". Yuck!
I'm beginning to wonder if I can even make it safely back to work without encountering another FUCK ME RUNNING!!
AAAGGGGHHHH!!! They're everywhere!!! RUNAWAY! RUNAWAY!!
This appears to be just an embryo. My GOD! It will be HUGE! Look at the pre-fab SLABS on that fucker! It will take up a whole city block! I've never seen anything so GODDAMN!!!!
This one is even bigger than the other one!! My GOD!
This like one of those George Romero zombie movies! I can't turn around without SHIT!!!
I can't get away!!
They're all over the place!
HEP ME!! HEP ME!!
There's no escape!!
It's like they can read my mind! No matter where I go or which way I turn, one of them is there, waiting for me, singing that Siren Song..."come in, come in, come in"
"park in ME, park in ME!"
"NO!! Park in ME! In ME!!
"Don't listen to that SLUT! Slide your big ol' SUV right in here, baby!"
"That skanky ol' bitch don't know how to treat a Gas Guzzler like you! C'mon over here! I'll make you write home to momma!"
"PSSSST! Don't listen to them ho's! I'm all sleek and shiny! You know you like that!"
"I'm a bit busy right now, but as soon as he is done with me, I am all yours, baby!"
I manage to resist the temptations of these seductive whores and make it safely back to the loving bosom of my loyal partner.
By the way, all of these "elusive downtown parking spaces" were found within about a 4-6 block radius during a 15 minute walk and virtually all of them are FREE to the public at nights and on weekends. It's only us folk who work downtown and need a place to park everyday during business hours that get fisted.
So can somebody please splain it to me? What the fuck is this alledged problem with finding a place to park downtown?