Sunday, January 27, 2008

It Ain't All Hearts, Flowers and Teddy Bears

You know the drill guys. Valentines Day is coming. If it hasn't happened already, sometime soon you are going to have an "Oh SHIT!" moment.

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines day you rack your fucking brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for her more than any other.

Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that fucking much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat, unacustomed thought and, on average, half a fucking paycheck.

Another secret ladies; guys feel left out.

That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day".

Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all.

Just a Steak and a Blowjob.

Thats it.

Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!

The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.

Hey ladies, remember that old grade school tradition of giving a Valentine's Day card to every boy in your class?

You work with guys, right?

Why not give them a "Steak and Blowjob Day" card? I can guarantee you a newfound level of nerdy computer support, security walks to your car, and an increased interest in any words that come out of your mouth.

This is a win/win scenario.

[Any guy who reports you to HR for giving him a Steak & Blow Job card is gay!]

Steak and Blow Job Day was founded by Tom Birdsey (may God Bless his Brilliantly GENIUS Eternal Soul, Amen)


logtar said...

Steak and BJ day does not need a date in my household... thank GOD!

My wife also does not get into the whole celebrating imaginary holidays, so that saves me.

BTW you have been tagged.

Poodles said...

I'm not a huge valentines day woman. Meh! I really don't care that much.

May said...

I f-ing hate valentine's day. It's the most ridiculous holiday ever.

Nuke said...

I celebrated Saturday!

Donna said...

We don't do Valentine's day. Obviously it hasn't hurt our marriage, we've been married since 1966.

But I'm sure my husband would love your idea. I'd take the steak myself!

Heather said...

I'm not celebrating Valentine's Day this year. But, I will be having steak at some point.

Stinkbait Boucher said...

Your celebration is actually very much in line with the Roman Catholic Church's celebration of Valentinus - one of the martyred saints of ancient Rome.

The saint was honoured by the Feast of St. Valentine on February 14th until the Second Vatican Council revised the calendar in 1969.

What many people are only now coming to understand is that the traditional feast consisted exclusively of steak and blowjobs, thus setting the groundwork for a grand tradition of oral sex and heavy petting in modern Catholic circles.

The ritual is most appropriately celebrated between priest and altar boy but some purists still espouse the practice even at the Bishop and Cardinal level.

Piece be with ewe.

Fiery said...

I'm rather fond of the BJ myself, as long as my man is fresh from the shower. Moldering weiner doesn't really appeal, but freshly washed. YEP!

So if my man wants to celebrate steak & BJ day, I'm all for it. Out to eat, then home, hop in the shower, then 8-O -:


As for Valentine's Day, ... ummmm.... I always thought we were supposed to get stuff for the dude as well and they just don't gear that shit for men. It's all lacy and frilly.

My favortite Valentine's gift was a heart box of chocolates and the dvd of Chocolat with Johnny Dep that we watched while munching on the chocolates.

Spyder said...

That frilly lacy shit isn't for women. It's for the men to see us in. I much rather wear flannel to bed.