Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Welcome a New Blogger to KC

I stumbled upon Keri Oke when she left a comment over on the Midtown Miscreants blog. I clicked through her profile and checked out her blog. Here is some of what I found:

"Oke has been named KC's first neurotic, under-banged, over-analytic pain-in-the-ass blogger, and views her support of Obama as the number one factor that will determine the next President of the United States. "I'm not saying I hold the future of the free world in my hands, but I may very well hold the future of the free world in my hands.", Oke commented."

But wait! There's more!

"Namely because it gave me some great ideas about future posts:

1. Why can't I just relentessly bang my way up and down I-35 without having an identity crisis each time a penis, or dick head enters the vacinty of my hoo hoo (mature isn't it - but I'm a sucker for un-anatomically correct terms)

2. Why can't I spend at least 7 hours a day boning Rob Thomas

3. How bad did having an affair with my bosses' boss really fuck my head up - I told you me and making appropriate co-worker personal relationships have a history

4. How bad did going through a divorce after the affair with my bosses' boss really fuck my head up

5. Why can't I spend at least 7 hours a day relentlessly banging Rob Thomas until my eyes fall out

And that is what led me to realize -- contrary to public belief, and fair judgement - I'm actually doing more than banging my bosses friends (try and keep up I formerly banged my bosses' boss, now I bang my bosses friends), I'm somewhere between 30 and 60 days from packing up all the mistakes I've made in Minneapolis and dropping my sorry ass in a new town. To live with my boss."

Finally, try this on for size:

"As promised I have stepped back from being Serious McSeriouson and as promised am now ready to commence the full analysis and chapter closing (aka complete assault) on a little man I like to call Mr. Mike.

Turns out he's retarded.

No. Seriously - he is stone-cold, riding the short-bus, getting fitted for a helmet, handing out stickers at Wal-Mart stupid.

And I banged him.


And I thought driving a Ford Fuckus was the coolest thing I would ever do! Who knew?"

I'm telling you folks, Keri is going to fit right in! I can hardly wait.

Welcome, Keri.


Melinda said...

She's pretty fun - she guest posts on Mindy from Minneapolis' blog, another funny site about dating mishaps and goings-on in the cold white north.

"The D" said...

I think I'll wait until this chick gets to K.C. before hitting on her. So she doesn't hate me BEFORE she gets settled.

Heather said...

I'm still baffled that she's older than me.

Melinda said...

I was just thinking that the D and Keri might just be perfect for each other....

Heather said...

This could be true. Then we can read all about the, ahem, banging.

Xavier Onassis said...

I agree! Just imagine how thrilled she will be when she finds out about that third testicle.

I think that should be more prominently proclaimed in his blog banner.


Ya know, something like that.

"The D" said...

Dude! I do NOT have 3 testicles! If you keep telling everyone that I'm gonna tell my mom and she is gonna call your mom then you'll have to do lawn work all day!

Heather said...

Now, having three testicles is nothing to be ashamed of, D. I think it's a big selling point. Just means you have extra little swimmers for those women who really, really want to have a baby right away.

Xavier Onassis said...

Does "D" stand for Denial, hmmmm?

To back up the claim of your tritesticulation, I point you to...[dramatic pause]...your very own BLOG! [queue accusatory music...]

Dum Dum Dummmmmm!