Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Big 12

I'm not a sports fan. At. All.

Here is a list of teams that I follow:

The Chiefs if they are winning and have a shot at the Super Bowl and I don't have any other plans or laundry to do.

Way, way, way below that is The Royals if they are winning and have a shot at the World Series and I don't have any other plans or laundry to do.

Somewhere at the bottom of the list is shit like golf, soccer, tennis, PROFESSIONAL basketball, and bowling.

Below that is college basketball.

The only thing below college basketball is curling. Which is kinda like marbles or shuffleboard, but on ice, with heavy things that look like tea kettles, thrown by women, or men who wish they were women, with other women sweeping brooms that are used for cheating by speeding up the ice. It's like the suckiest sport EVER!

But I love a human freak show as well as the next guy, especially if there's no cover charge. So I ventured down to the Power and Light District several times today to observe and document the circus.

(You can click on any of these picks to embiggen the hell out of them. Knock yourselves out!)

One of the first things I want to bring your attention to is the automated, retractable, $400,000.00 traffic bollards that were to be used for events exactly like this to block off and pedestrianize the Power and Light District.

Yeah. They don't work.

Before they were ever used, the snow plows decapitated some of them, salt and sand got down in there, and they are useless. That's why they had to bring in the jersey barriers.


No bandanas or baggy pants, please
The Cordish Co. has implemented a dress code for events at the Kansas City Live block. It’s a move that has stirred controversy elsewhere.

“We believe it will be a safe and friendly environment,” said Jon Stephens, Power & Light District marketing director. “The live courtyard is built to be an environment that can be controlled. … all events will require wristbands and IDs to purchase alcoholic beverages.”

The dress code will include prohibitions on “bandanas, work boots, and ripped and excessively baggy clothing.” Stephens said the code would be posted prominently. He said Cordish was working with City Councilwoman Melba Curls on an ordinance that would establish citywide standards for implementing dress codes. Curls could not be reached for comment. Cordish ran into criticism and legal challenges when it implemented a dress code at its Fourth Street Live entertainment district in Louisville, Ky. That project opened in 2002, and at the time the dress code restricted patrons from wearing athletic jerseys, sleeveless shirts and hats turned backwards. Critics of the policy said it discriminated against young blacks and poor people. Published reports indicated Cordish dropped much of its dress code policy in 2004. The local security staff will include off-duty Kansas City Police Department officers and professional security officers hired at the district’s expense, Stephens said. “Our goal is to make sure all guests are given great service, provided with directions and information that they seek, and have a great visit in a safe and enjoyable environment,” Stephens said."

Some long-time downtown businesses chose to differentiate themselves from the P&L Powerhouse.

The newly legalized Ticket Scalpers were everywhere. On every street corner, in the middle of the street.

See how he is holding up a handful of already overpriced tickets while he is wearing a sign advertising that he needs tickets?

Know why he needs tickets?

It's so after he sells all the tickets he showed up with he will have more tickets to sell to white, suburban, idiots willing to pay stoopid prices to watch black kids compete for the kind of success (that they will probably never achieve) that people who can afford incredibly inflated Big 12 ticket prices enjoy.

It's sick.

This is the "KC Live" heart of the Power & Light District. A live music/sports/whatever venue.

Here are a whole lot of rich white people (mostly from Johnson County) getting drunk on designer beer and wine after watching a whole lot of poor, black people playing basketball.

There is a lot of cushiony, couch-type seating surrounding fireplaces watching big-screen TVs. It's like an episode of Uber Friends.

Here is a Phillips 66 costumed Super Hero blatantly extolling the virtues of $3.00+ gasoline.

I'm thinking this guy

could kick his ass.

Here is a Smoker's Pole...

...not to be confused with a Pole Smoker.

Here is a random Mole Whacker...

That's all I got.

It's a zoo down here.


SHAM said...

I knew it was going to be a moron show.

Say, speaking of moron shows, I'd like your readers to note I can't tell you how much better life seems since I stopped reading Tony's Kansas City. Just stopped. Bookmarked no more. I'm not even curious. I know you already know, but it's like quitting smoking: the benefits are quickly noticeable. Surround yourself with negativism and that's how you'll feel. Send it away and the world is a brighter place.

I encourage readers of your blog to just put Tony away for good.

Stinkbait Boucher said...

You cut me deep with your hating on the Curling. Reckon I won't be showing you my gold medal now.

Thank you for your expose (yeah, I don't feel like putting the acute accent on the e. Tired).

That just looks like Hell to me. You kind of took one for the team, so to speak.

Still cut me deep with the curling comment. Hater.

Dan said...

Have you ever curled, XO?

Don't knock it till you've tried it.

Le Grand Lapin said...

The KC Hard Rock District is the pinnacle of high-pretension. Cordish brought in a chain BBQ joint. In Kansas City. Brilliant.

BTW, all basketball is a limp excuse for a game, pro doubly so.

KC Sponge said...

um - would like an invite to your next tour of the KC wilderness . . . I'll hold your camera bag or something. Just invite a girl - no one should be allowed to have this much fun alone.

Faith said...

Ok, ENOUGH bashing on the JoCo! JeezUS! It's a nice fucking place to live, alright?

That whack-a-mole guy remind anyone else of emaw with a buzz cut?

Anonymous said...

Johnson Countians are welcome to come spend their money in my city any time they want. They are especially encouraged to go to the zoo.