I walk a lot.
I used to smoke. Now I walk.
So I was taking my last walk of the day yesterday. I was just north of the little Korean bodega in the Commerce Arcade right across from the bus plaza at 10th & Main. The place that I affectionately refer to as "monkey island", a term I poached from Greg Beck.
WARNING! Clicking on the "Greg Beck" link above will expose you to a picture of a Ken doll doggy fucking a Barbie doll with a chain leash wrapped around her neck. If this sort of thing offends you, you probably shouldn't go there.
"Monkey Island is the area across the street from the Hurricane that has the stone benches and the statues of the Westport founders. I call it Monkey Island because all the local bums hang there during the nice weather passing the bottle back and forth. And it always reminds me of the place at our local zoo where they used to keep all the small monkeys and shit. It’s a dominance thing if you get my drift. Monkeys fling shit at each other and so do the bums."
But I digress.
So I was sandwiched between Monkey Island and the Korean bodega when a young hipster whizzed by me heading north on main street, braked his bike, turned and said "Hey Lex!"
At least that's what I thought he said. I thought he was making some sarcastic reference to my uncanny resemblence to Lex Luthor.
I said "Excuse me?"
He said "Are you X? XO? Hip Suburban White Guy?"
I immediately grew suspicious and said "Yeah. And you are...?"
He replied "I'm Chris Packham. I work for The Pitch."
"Oh yeah!" I said. "You're Farmer Bob! Nice to meet you!"
We tried to chat but his bike was blocking the only north-bound lane of Main street so people kept getting pissed at him and honking their horns up his ass.
He seemed like an incredibly nice fellow, I must say.
I couldn't help but notice that he rides his bike in traffic without a helmet. He's also a much better writer than me (by several orders of magnitude).
I'm thinking there may be a connection.
I may just start walking in front of moving buses in an effort to increase my creativity.
I'll let you know how that works out for me.
Anyway, it was just way cool for Chris to stop and say Hi. I was flattered.