Sunday, May 18, 2008

Gawd Dayum!

Man survives head first leap into wood chipper

I suppose that would be one way of attempting suicide.

I can think of others that are much less athletic, flamboyant and painful.


Nightmare said...

The head line link is not working yo!

meesha.v said...

I saw the story the other day. How could he possibly survive.

Xavier Onassis said...

nightmare - I think I fixed it. Let me know.

meesha - he must have been a conservative. A head-first dive into a wood chipper wouldn't have damaged his brain as it was lovingly stored up his ass, for safe keeping.

Satyavati devi dasi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Satyavati devi dasi said...

Here's the most intense chippershredder story I know. I remember when this happened, but after a lil research I had my facts all screwed up, so here's the synopsis:

After the evidence had been processed, the State police investigators determined that the piece of equipment rented from the Darien store by Crafts was an industrial-sized woodchipper, called a "Brush Bandit." They began to think the unthinkable. The horrible reality set in after they checked Public Works department records and went to question Mr. Hines, the man plowing snow who'd witnessed the peculiar sight of the U-Haul and Woodchipper on the side of Lake Zoar in the middle of the blizzard. Hines led detectives to the exact spot where the truck and chipper had been located. Upon arrival, they spotted woodchips, along with shreds of some sort of plastic material. But most importantly, they found, unshredded, an envelope addressed to Mrs. Helle Crafts, 5 Newfield Lane, Newtown, CT. The police immediately set up a perimeter and documented and photographed hundreds of minute items taken from the site. The items included bits of cloth, unidentifiable material, and, worst of all, bone fragments and myriad strands of blonde hair.

As horrible as their discoveries were, Dr. Henry Lee was calm and collected as he matter-of-factly informed the press later on that "Our team's efforts at Lake Zoar eventually led to the discovery of 2,660 strands of blond hair, 69 slivers of human bone, 5 droplets of human blood, 2 teeth, a truncated piece of human skull, 3 ounces of human tissue, a portion of human finger, 1 fingernail, and 1 portion of toe nail." Dental records and blood comparison determined that this was all that remained of Helle Crafts, but it was enough to charge Richard with her murder.

Between Dr. Lee and a veritable army of forensic scientists, it appeared that there was no doubt that Richard Crafts had clubbed his wife on the head with a blunt object, perhaps hard enough to kill her. He then placed her body in the newly purchased freezer. After getting rid of the nanny and children, he took the freezer to a parcel of land he owned elsewhere in Newtown, cut the frozen body into less bulky, more manageable parts, and placed it back in the freezer. That night, after returning the nanny and the children to his home, he'd just completed the job of passing the frozen pieces of his wife's body through the wood chipper, along with some branches (by way of cleaning the chipper), by the second time the Southbury plow operator had spotted him by the side of the road.

The whole story is at .