Wednesday, May 07, 2008

So, My Daughter Wants To Be A Model

A few years ago she wanted to be a teacher. Later, when I asked her if she still wanted to be a teacher, she said "Dad! They only make like $8.00 an hour!" . She was 9.

She went through a phase where she wanted to be a pastry chef and have her own TV show.

But now, at 14. young Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis has decided that she would like to be a model.

A few months ago she gave me an email address for Barbizon Modeling and asked me to check into it.

Which I did, and then promptly forgot all about it.

This week, I get a call from "Miss Sherri" (I swear to God that is the name the rep that supposed to invoke images of Miss America and Miss Universe?...a simple message from Sherri Barbizon or Sherri Putzswallower would have been just fine..."Miss Sherri"? WTF Is this Gone With The Wind?).

As it happens, Barbizon is holding some sort of "event" this weekend at the KCI Hilton. A speaker gives a talk about Barbizon and modelling (apparently you should never, ever, have to pay for a professional photography portfolio...the modelling agency takes care of that for you) and then they conduct individual interviews. No auditions, no stage work, just a one-on-one interview. If they decide you have what it takes, they sign you to the agency and start looking for work.

I schedule a session for Saturday, but I make sure I set up some realistic expectations for my daughter. I tell her that a BIG part of their business model is charging eager parents for expensive modelling classes to feed their child's egos and that there is no way in Hell I can aford to send her to any modelling classes.

I further educate her that because they make money from modelling classes, it would be a rare applicant who is is informed that "Nope. You have Zero potential. No talent. No chance. Don't waste your money feeding our profits. Our classes can't help you. Thanks for stopping by, but, we just can't use ya."

So we will see how that goes.

I told her that if she becomes a super-model she has to buy me a mansion and a sports car and hire a staff to care for my every need.

She informed me that whether she becomes a super-model or a waitress at IHOP, she is warehousing my tired old ass in a Home somewhere with all of the other drooly old people...the sooner the better.

I love my daughter!

She reminds me of me.


Stinkbait Boucher said...

brings a tear to the eye...

meesha.v said...

nothing more valuable you can give to a kid than ability to cut through the bullshit

Spyder said...

Chip off the old block!

Joe said...

I'm sure you're proud. Wait a few more years when puberty really kicks in.

Poodles said...

You are wise to start teaching her now about business douchery!

Protium said...

XO would you adopt me please :)

travel said...

I think I'd be hesitant to give her power over your advance directive in that old folks

Keith Sader said...

Ok, here are some hard questions for you and GTO.

1.) Is GTO 5'7" or taller?
2.) Do you often think "GTO should eat a fricken sandwich!"
3.) Can you stand for her to be around ignorant wenches with coke habits?

#1 & #2 will get you on the stage, #3 will be the deciding factor for both of you.

Xavier Onassis said...

Keith - She's probably at least 5'6". She just moved up from a size 0 to a size 1. As for ignorant winches with coke habits, she lives in Ray County. How much worse could it really get?

Keith Sader said...

Dude, Orange County wenches with coke...

Faith said...

Hey! I resent that OC comment! I'm from there. Clearly, we do not need coke in order to be wenches. :P

Ooh! In another 4 or 5 years, she can just try out to be on ANTM (that's "America's Next Top Model" for you losers out there...), and then she can win and entertain us all at the same time!

Seriously, the Twin and I went to one of those open house things back when we were in high school, and all they wanted was cash for classes. Hell, my parents were rich, and they still wouldn't pay for that shit!

But the interviewer did call me out on my superior reading skills at the time, and told me I had good presence. That was awfully nice, I thought. It's stuck with me all this time.

Well Hell Michelle said...

I have a friend who used to work at one of the modeling schools in KC. She worked on commission by recruiting people to sign up for their $250+ classes.