Thursday, July 31, 2008

It's like G.I. Joe...but in SPACE!

I never had one of these, because we were poor.

Well, not "poor" poor, but not a lot of extra money.

My "G.I. Joe Astronaut" was a crudely fashioned affair with a skeleton made out of used popsicle sticks covered in an adobe-like clay that I made myself by pissing in a cup full of dirt, hand shaping that putrid, disgusting "mud" around the popsicle sticks and baking it in the summer sun for 3 days.

Instead of a historically accurate Mercury space suit, I just wrapped mine in aluminum foil. Store brand...not Reynolds. That would have been "puttin' on airs". Couldn't be "hoity toity" with fancy stuff.

In lieu of a cool, 1/32nd scale model of a Mercury space craft with accurate retro rockets and the gratuitous addition of a big sliding glass canopy (the real Mercury 7 astronauts would have sold their mothers into prostitution for a hatch like that), I had to settle for shoving my "action figure" into the cramped, sticky confines of one of these.

But another kid in the neighborhood had one! His parents were "rich". He even had "Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots"

Spoiled, arrogant little fuck.


Anonymous said...

I was told that Santa sent a letter giving me a choice of one or the other. I think I got something completely different, because I didn't see a real GI Joe under my tree until around 76'.

We lived in WV then, so I understand poor.

Stinkbait Boucher said...

We had two creeks nearby. At the confluence was a speck of land that we called a "peninsula" and that we took turns naming after each of us as if we'd discovered it weekly.

We used to tape firecrackers to G.I. Joes, throw them off of the peninsula and debate whether or not they deserved to be saved.

Sort of the same spirit I guess.

So proud.

DLC said...

I imagine that shoving your action figure into the cramped sticky confines of a root beer cone might be rather pleasant.

Xavier Onassis said...

dlc - It's an acquired taste and a guilty pleasure.