Sunday, July 13, 2008

Snake Handling, Fundy Idiots Arrested

Apparently Pastor Gregory James Coots of the snake handling, fundamentalist, "Full Gospel Tabernacle in Jesus Name" in Middlesboro, KY was among 10 people arrested by Kentucky Fish and Wildlife officers in an undercover sting.

Officers confiscated over 100 snakes including 42 copperheads, 11 timber rattlesnakes, three cottonmouth water moccasins, a western diamondback rattlesnake, two cobras and a puff adder. Oh, and an alligator.

My favorite quote was from Jim Harrison, director of the Kentucky Reptile Zoo in Slade, KY which took the confiscated reptiles into their care.

"You can purchase anything off the Internet except common sense," Harrison said. "A venomous snake isn't a pet. You don't play with it. If you do, you're an idiot."


emawkc said...

This is hilarious. The best part: If I were making up a funny story about some backwoods hillbilly snake-handler, I would have chosen the name "Coots."

Just goes to show you that stereotypes exist because they are often true.

Fiery said...

So.... what part of what they were doing was illegal? Is it illegal to own venomous snakes? I'm obviously missing something here.

Xavier Onassis said...

fiery - According to the article, "Coots was charged Thursday with buying, selling and possessing illegal reptiles.".

It is also illegal in Kentucky and most other states to engage in venomous snake handling during church services.

Although if I ruled the world (as we all know I should), he would have been rounded up and arrested for Being A Fucking Idiot. His trial would go like this:

Prosecuter: "Your honor, he thinks God will protect him while he annoys venomous snakes."

Defense: "Your Honor, my..."

Judge: "Shut up. I find the defendant guilty of Being A Fucking Idiot. Lock his stupid ass up. Next case."

Fiery said...

Cheers XO. Was unfamiliar with laws regarding possession of venomous critters. Should have realized they would legislate common sense. This fuckwit obviously doesn't have any.

Court adjourned! :)

Xavier Onassis said...

fiery - What is especially moronic about this situation is that a venomous snake will naturally take precautions to stay the fuck away from people. Yeah, they can kill us real easy. But they know that it's just not not good for either one of us to be around each other. It can only end badly. So they hear us coming or snse or body heat and they slither away.

They aren't like lions or sharks who sometimes go rogue and start hunting humans. They leave us completely alone unless we fuck with them to the point where they have no choice.

But us humans, either the product of Divine Design or the absolute pinnacle of Natural Selection, we have to pass laws telling people "DON'T FUCK AROUND WITH POISONOUS SNAKES! If you are that fucking stupid, we will arrest you for your own protection!"

So who's smarter? Humans or snakes?