Got an Outlook Calendar invitation today rescheduling a regular weekly meeting because the originator had "a conflict".
The email contained the following sentence:
"Sorry about scheduling over lunch, but it was the only time that we were all available."
Now, what is wrong with that sentence?
I'll tell you what is wrong with that sentence.
It is the fact that we were all not, in fact, "available".
I'll tell you why.
BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING LUNCH TIME!!!
I don't work during lunch! That's why it's called "lunch". If it was a time for working, it would be called "work". We wouldn't have a different name for it!
DO NOT fuck with my lunch time. It is a sacred hour during which I can do whatever the fuck I please (usually gobbling eye candy on windy afternoons in the downtown loop) and which never, ever, involves actual work.
You want to take me out and buy me Jack Stack BBQ or Manny's because it is a coworker's birthday or someone is joining or leaving the team?
That's fine. No problem with that.
But don't expect me to sit at my desk on a fucking conference call or in some crowded conference room eating some bullshit Jason's Deli boxed lunch that you were oh so generous to provide. I HATE baked chips!
Is the Peppercorn Duck Club in a Wi Fi hotspot? I bet it is. Maybe I'll just take my laptop over to the Hyatt and Bluetooth it from there.
I'll start off with the SEARED FOIE GRAS - SAUTÉED FRESH PEACHES, WHISKEY AND TOASTED PECANS. Only $14.00.
For lunch I'll have the FILET AU POIVRE - DIJON MUSTARD AND CRACKED BLACK PEPPER ENCRUSTED WITH ROASTED POTATOES AND SHALLOTS. SERVED WITH FOIE GRAS BRANDY
Fucking up my lunch is a bargain at $57.00 (plus a 30% gratuity...I have a rep to uphold), all on your dime you inconsiderate jackass!
And before you corporate, boot-licking, lackeys start spewing that "needs of the business" bullshit, let me stop you right now with this unassailable agument...GO FUCK YOURSELVES.
I have never, ever worked at a job that took priority over my actual life.
I'm not a doctor...I don't save lives.
I'm not a cop...I don't protect people.
I'm not a fireman...I don't rescue people.
I'm not even a politician...I don't make laws that change society.
I'm a fucking Systems Analyst (Sr. Systems Analyst, actually).
I translate "visionary", marketing goon-babble into 1's and 0's for twinky-gobbling, Mountain Dew-swilling, techno-geeks with no inter-personal skills.
Basically, I'm this guy.
So please don't fuck with my lunch time.
My life is pathetic enough as it is.
Let me eat my goddamn lunch in peace.