Saturday, August 09, 2008

Recent Violent Attacks Downtown

"Reported by: Larry Seward
Last Update: 11:39 am

KANSAS CITY, Mo. - Violent attacks on people leaving the Power & Light District is creating concern in Kansas City. A well-known community activist is aggressively looking for tips."

Hmmm. The attacks occured as people were leaving the Power & Light District. Not inside the P&LD, but after they had left and ventured into other parts of downtown KC.

I guess maybe the P&LD Code of Conduct (and associated dress code) is working pretty fucking well.

For those of you too lazy to click on the link that I was kind enough to provide, or for those who "already know what the dress code's RASCIST!", let me educate you.

I'm looking at the official Code right now, on the P&LD websight. It says:



(xo - Good! If you aren't there for an event or to buy something, move the fuck along, you're blocking the goddamn sidewalk.)


(xo - I don't think this one is clear enough. Does this mean that if I am on my way downtown and carrying a concealed weapon, I need to whip it out and keep it clearly visible while I am within the Power and Light District? I'm thinking there are one too many words in this rule. Somewhere there in the middle area.)


(xo - GOOD! If you ain't got no money you can't afford an $8 draw anyway! Get the fuck outta here!)


(xo - If this keeps out Mormon Missionaries, Jehovah's Witnesses and AMWAY salestards, I'm all for it. But please don't expand this to discriminate against the poor, downtrodden whores. Prostitutes are role models! At least they are honest about the services they provide and what they expect in return. I find that sort of openess in an entrepenureal endeavor to be a breath of fish air. If only Exxon had billboards that said "We're gonna fuck ya real good and take as much of your money as we can get you to part with!". You know where you stand with a hooker.)


(xo - This is a no-brainer. Act like a dick, you get punched in the dick and kicked the fuck out. Not even open for debate.)


(xo - Crowded pedastrian filled plazas are not the place for emo sk8trz to be begging for attention with their lame-ass tricks. Try over on Prospect. Very skateboard friendly area. You will find a very receptive audience for your mad skilz.)


(xo - this is the part that raises everybody' rascist hackles. Why? Let's see.)


(xo - I got no problem with this. If I am a father taking my kids to see "Hannah Montana On Ice" or some shit at the Sprint Center and want to take everyone out to eat in the P&LD after, I don't want to have to explain to my six year old what "FUCK THE MILK, WHERE'S THE WHISKEY TITS?" means. Side note - if any women reading this actually have whiskey tits, call me! 816-533-8030!)


(xo - I see enough of this shit at the Walmart in Independence. Most sweat suits are worn by people who are so morbidly obese that only the generous confines of a 5X sized sweat suit with elastic enclosures will fit them. The P&LD does not have any all you can eat buffets!)


(xo - I think this is just to keep all of those filthy, smelly, sweaty construction workers who are finishing building the P&LD from being able to eat lunch at Chipotle's or Ted's Montana Grill. They could probably go ahead and waive that restriction at the Bristol. I can't see many union construction workers taking off their sticker covered and heavily dented hard hats to enjoy a lunch of SEARED GEORGE'S BANK BAKED SCALLOPS • Lemon and asparagus risotto, shaved fennel salad, basil oil, balsamic glaze.)


(xo - O.K. This is clearly discriminetory. No question. They obviously don't want fat people in the Power & Light District. Why else would anyone wear baggy clothing? People with great bods tend to wear excessively tight clothing to show off all of their hard work and self-torture. There is no prohibition on tight or revealing clothing. The only legitimate reasons for wearing baggy clothes are to disguise your unsightly rolls of fat (this is why I wear baggy clothes) or to hide all of the merchandise you boosted from Walmart and your concealed weapons. I fully support this restriction.)


(xo - Totally agree. The sleeveless shirts are generally either workout attire, which is totally inappropriate, or pearl-buttoned cowboy shirts with the sleeves roughly ripped off in the mistaken assumption that "da ladies" want to see your poorly muscled arms and sweaty pit-hair. Save the "gun-show" for your vanity mirror. It makes everyone else throw up a little in their mouths. The only other sleeveless shirts are "wife-beaters" and they should never be worn anywhere under any circumstances.)


(xo - Keep your raggedy ass shit at home. Unless you are a HAWT woman and the rips are strategically placed to reveal sexy boobs and ba-donka-donk cheeks. Then, as we say in "da hood", I am all up in dat shit!)

Maybe we should petition congress and get a bill passed that would make the P&LD Code of Conduct the law of the land. It seems to work.

But I would want to see at least one change made before it went into law.

They gotta throw a prohibition on mullets and comb-overs in there too. That shit has just GOT to GO!


Nightmare said...

"AMWAY sale star"
I think you mean Quixtar sales star.

Not Amway any more.

Just FYI

Xavier Onassis said...

nightmare - you can put lipstick on a pig and call it Lucille, but it's till a pig.