Saturday, October 11, 2008

Well that was fun!

So, it's my 2nd day of vacation and I'm sitting around the house in my JLA lounging pants and my Trent Green Chief's jersey wondering what the fuck I'm going to do today. It couldn't be anything that costs any money. I checked the events calendars on Pitch and Ink but couldn't find anything cheap and not-lame enough to meet my needs.

I'm thinking "Fuck! This is a Saturday and I can't find anything to do! What the fuck am I going to do all next week? There's always Internet porn surfing but c'mon, you can hurt yourself if you're not careful! (always remember to do some stretching exercises first and stay hydrated)."

I share my predicament with my twitter buddies. I'm pretty much resigned to driving out to Burr Oak Woods Nature Center and wandering the trails like Rhadagast the Brown.

Then I get a tweet from "dramaclub":

"@xo64068. I have a suggestion! Free beer and pig roast at the outlaw cigar shop up north. Also a fun free poker tourney. Great time!"

Free beer and pig? That sounds too good to be true so I google it.

My God! (o.k., i'm an atheist so I don't really mean it, i'm just going for emphasis and dramatic effect here so don't leave me any fucking comments busting my chops. it's a goddamn figure of speech, not a declaration of faith, so fuck you.) It's true!

From the Outlaw Cigar Company calendar:

"The Legend Avo Uvezian returns to The Outlaw for a third time. Playing live on a grand piano with a Jazz Quartet. Ain't no better place to hear Avo tickle the ivories than right here in The Outlaw Lounge. Free Food, Drinks and lots of entertainment. 10 Kegs of Beer, 300 lbs of smoked Pig, Italian Sausage Hot off the Grill, Hooter Wings, Cookies, Chips and tons more......

Hooter girls and the Outlaw Calendar Girl "Rachelle" will be here to make you Grin.

Texas Hold'em Tournament (5pm)

Buy 3 Cigars and Get 1 Cigar Free

Long Ash Contest

Tons of Raffle Prizes

The polyglot businessman and jazz musician went to Puerto Rico and in the early 80s opened a restaurant and piano bar.

In Puerto Rico Avo discovered his love for cigars – they were to become his great passion.

As a perfectionist par excellence he very soon had his own AVO brand rolled and gave this away to his guests, who increasingly demanded his cigars. The road from connoisseur to cigar composer was but a short one."

Holy Shit! And this is all FREE! I'm totes there!

I shit, shower, shave and head for God's Country (o.k., don't make me repeat's a fucking figure of speech with no divinity implied or intended. Jesus!).

What a great fucking time! The dapper dude was at the piano under a tent fronting a jazz trio, scantily clad biker babes were in abundance, there truly was FREE BEER and FREE FOOD! By the time I got there the pig was nothing but an empty husk of skin. They were still grilling sausages but they were out of buns, so I passed.

The absurdity of the bun situation didn't hit me until later. I'm willing to drive from Independence to damn near Parkville where I am offered free music, free beer, free eye candy, but I wind up declining the grilled sausage because I would have had to go to the grocery store 20 ft away and buy a $2.00 package of buns that I could have shared with hot biker chicks. Dipshit!

So it's a great crowd, great music, the National Guard is there with a BIG ASS fucking truck (it would blow your Ford F-350 or Chevy Z-71 off the road like a McDonald's wrapper), they had a BIG ASS fucking Howitzer or some kinda Army gun, and there was a fucking Chinook CH-47 in a vacant lot!

When you see one of these babies, you need to snap to give it a smart salute!

There are flashier aircraft in the armed forces, but the CH-47 has been in service since 1962, longer than most of you reading this have been alive and it is the backbone of logistical transport for both troops and equipment.

So it was an all around great time!

I allow myself a cup of Shiner Bock on tap and begin to mingle.

I'm standing at the corner of the tent next to the musicians, basking in the ambiance and when a fellow reveller who has had at least one more beer than me (I won't cast any judgements beyond that threshold) strikes up a conversation.

In the span of 5 minutes we discuss the election, DUIs, fucking cops, that chick over there.

Then this guy walks up and says "Are you XO?"

I said "Yes, I am."

And he says "I'm dramaclub."

The guy I had been talking to turns to dramaclub and says "You know this guy?" Turning to me "You're XO? Were you in the Navy? (XO=Executive Officer in Navy lingo)"

I had managed to unknowingly stumble into dramaclub's entourage.

We sort out all of the greetings and get to know ya's and enjoy some lively conversation while I nurse my single Shiner Bock.

It was a great afternoon! Topped off by watching the CH-47 lift off and give the crowd a fly-by! Awesome!

Turns out, this isn't some rare, annual event. Outlaw Cigar does this once a month! And there is always military hardware, Hooters chicks, and Outlaw calender girls on display.


I'm going to make this a recurring event on my personal calendar.

In fact, I think it would make a perfect blog meat.

November, perhaps?

P.S. - Oh, and Dan, this is a Jolly Green Giant.


"The D" said...

Some inside scoop for ya.

The helo with the 2 rotor blades the Ch-46 is called a Sea Knight. The larger one, the largest in the free world, a Ch-57 is called a Sea Stallion. At least that's what we Marines Call them.

I have flown in both when I was in the Marine Corps.

emawkc said...

Interestingly, the ladies used to call me Sea Stallion back in college.

Also, XO, how'd you do in the poker (hell I barely knew her) tournament?

"The D" said...

Was there poker in the front liquor in the rear?

Xavier Onassis said...

the D - thanks for the clarification. Someone said they had been told by a National Guardsman that the CH-47 was the "biggest and fastest helicopter in the world!"

That gave me pause.

Pretty sure it's not the "biggest" helicopter in the world.

Pretty sure it's not the "fastest" helicopter in the world.

I'd be willing to concede that it may be the fastest helicopter of it's size in the U.S. Fleet.

Big difference.

emaw - I didn't stay for the poker. I drank my beer, made some new friends and left early. For such is my milieu.

"The D" said...

XO- First my bag its a CH57 NOT a 53. And when I was in the Corps 1990-94. It was the larges Helo in the FREE world.

It can carry a hummer (military grade not those BS grocery getters) INSIDE. In a separate trip it can carry a hummer AND a 155 Howitzer suspended under neath at the same time.

Nuke said...

XO you are quite the renaissance man! In the course of a single post you cover comic book undies, Gandalf's shyer brother, sausage, beer, biker girls, military vehicles and poker. That's more than many folks have on their schedule for a month.

Did they have seating, cuz if I don't have to stand around on my bad knee I could seriously be there for the November shindig.

Joe said...

The website has an awful lot of pretty women on it. Not like I looked or anything.

DLC said...

Outlaw Calendar Girl "Rachelle" looks about 12 years old.