Monday, June 22, 2009

Meat Locker People



In a recent twitter exchange, @m_toast declared a humid, muggy, 95 degree day to be "gorgeous"!

I responded that I would rather be "thisclose" to frostbite than break a single bead of sweat.

She responded by lumping me in with a group she refers to as "meat locker" people.

I want to go on record as EMBRACING the Meat Locker People label!

Let me explain something.

Meat lockers are really, really cold!

Know why? I'll tell ya why.

The cold temperature PRESERVES THE MEAT and keeps it from ROTTING!

I'll let you in on another little secret. You? Me? All those people around you? We're made out of meat!

Cold temperatures are kind to humans! Hot, muggy, swampy conditions are hostile to humans.

This weather FUCKING SUCKS and KILLS PEOPLE!

I'm not going anywhere or doing anything until October when the planet is once again hospitable to humans.

Until then, I will be the most un-environmentally friendly, un-green, and nipply comfortable bastard on the planet. Ima have a carbon footprint that will dwarf Alaska if that's what it takes to keep me comfortable.

13 comments:

"The D" said...

You're right no one has EVER FROZEN TO DEATH!

Suck it up and stop being such a pussy.

Xavier Onassis said...

The D - No matter how cold it is, you can stay warm.

You can put on more clothes. You can build a fire. You can layer. You can move around. You can share body heat with other humans. Or animals. You can stay warm! You can survive! You can live!

In this weather, without A/C, you will die.

When it is 98 degress with 80 perecent humidity and the heat index is 120...you can strip off all your clothes and not move a muscle and you will still die of heat stroke.

Fuck Summer.

No one will see me until Halloween.

Nick said...

Staying cool is the only way to go.
It's either inside or in the backyard pool from now 'til autumn...

Well, except some early morning golf.

Poodles said...

Utah = dry heat. Not so bad.

The cold is painful for me. I prefer the warm. Too hot though and I will stay inside until the sun goes down.

Faith said...

Yes! Yeee-heeesss! XO, I knew we were kindred spirits for some reason. This is it.

Fuck this heat. ::pulls rock over head and hibernates until mid-October::

Hound Doggy said...

I can't walk to my car without my ear lobes sweating.
40 deg. at night, 65 deg during the day.....wooohooo

Lee said...

That's one of the main reasons I recently moved to Seattle, where 82 is a heat wave. Much as I love KC and its peeps (even cranky ol' emaw), I wave my wuss flag with pride.

The DLC said...

You are totally a meat locker person. Of course in my world, a meat locker is one of these.

Bull E. Vard said...

"No one will see me until Halloween."

Promise?

Nightmare said...

You have been spoiled old feller! I'm guessing that as a kid you didn't have AC, and if you did then you were spoiled from day one! When I was a kid we had no AC, we kept cool by MOVING! that's right if you get a little sweat going, and move the air will evaporate the sweat making you cooler. Or we would go to the pool. so MEat Locker people mayb e but only because we are a stack of old pussys what can't deal with the heat...and don't you realize that extreme heat and cold are the last bastion of natural selection we have? It only affects the old, the young and the stupid! So let Darwinism take it's course just because I am not allowed to shoot people.

emawkc said...

I'm with you XO. That's why, when the heat index breaches 100, I invoke the hot weather clause in our corporate dress code.

I wear flipflops, a mesh tank top and 1970s era tightie basketball shorts. And NOTHING ELSE!

I Travel for JOOLS said...

Last night at 10:30 I hear this noise outside that sounds like a lawnmower. Well, what sounds like a lawnmower IS a lawnmower. It's my friggin neighbor and he's mowing by the stars and the headlight on his John Deere. I'm steamed but he quits in about 15 minutes until I WAKE UP at 2:00 A.M. to the sound of him back mowing. I am not joking. I'd like to hang the guy in a meat locker!

Midtown Miscreant said...

Hold on...........had to remove my mittens. It's so cold in my house right now Id need a Zamboni to clean the hardwood floors. Im with ya, fuck a bunch of hot weather.