The saga began with a tweet to my cell phone from the twitter account of BNO News.
A 6 year old boy was trapped in a runaway, homemade, experimental, flying saucer shaped helium balloon he had been helping his father build in their garage in Colorado.
OH MY FUCKING GOD! Let's go to the video!
This drama went on for hours as helicopters were leapfrogged like Pony Express riders to follow the balloon so ground crews and EMS vehicles could race after it in case it hit a cell tower or power lines or rammed into the ground dragging the poor little six year old passenger like Hector behind Achielles chariot.
Remember yesterday when the stock market soared back up over 10,000? Well this afternoon it plummeted to about 3 as evryone used their office computer and corporate bandwidth to watch this silver ufo float over Colorado.
It eventually drifted, gently, to a graceful and elegant stop in a soft, recently plowed field surrounded by firetrucks, ambulances, and news crews.
PRAISE JEEBUS! The 6 year old boy was SAFE!
Yeah, he was safe. Safe hiding in a box in the attic of his house because he was afraid his dad would be pissed off at him for casting off the rope and letting his Dad's big silver toy ballonn go flying off into space!
The kid, whose name was Falcon Heene, pulled an Anne Frank!
Best twitter tweet of the day? "@mattfraction: he was in the attic in a box? what, was he the *maltese* falcon?"
Try to grasp this. As the entire country...Nay!...the ENTIRE WORLD followed this floating fucking balloon like it was Apollo 13, no one thought "Ya know, I'm just gonna look around the house for a minute."
How much did all of the news crews, helicopters, ambulances, fire trucks, internet servers, lost productivity and sheer emotional energy cost the planet Earth because a 6 year old boy lost a balloon and then played hide and seek for a few hours?
But ya know, it's not surprising that his dad would just assume his son was on board and alert the authorities.
His dad is not exactly close personal friends with...reality.
He filed an iReport on CNN because he thinks the European Space Agency is covering up evidence of civilization on Mars. Not just cultural artifacts like buildings. But full blown forests and evidence of heavy earth (sorry, Mars) moving equipment. I'll let him explain it.
He also chases storms, has some wacky theory about storms, magnetic fields and gravity.
And apparently his family was on some reality TV show.
Any chance this was all some huge publicity stunt to hijack some media attention?
You may ask yourself, how did I get here?
1 hour ago