Thursday, November 05, 2009

Libertarian Utopia

Okay, first of all, somebody needs to come up with a term for an exchange that starts on Twitter, but gets too complex to continue on Twitter and jumps to the blogs.

I propose "going to the mattresses".

Because that's exactly what we're dealing with here.

It started off with a tasteless and ill-timed reference by me regarding my long standing opposition to 2nd Amendment gun nuts as it related (not at all, actually) to today's tragic Ft. Hood shootings (because that's what I do...don't judge me like you know me!) that took a different direction.

xonassis: This is what happens when you allow guns into a military base. #fthoodshootings Too soon?

Of course I know that's stupid! It was a meant to be a self-deprecating joke mocking my own views on gun ownership. Which elicited this response from a fellow blogger...

bullevard: @xonassis I would be all for relieving any agent of government from their gun on US soil.

So in the words of Heath Ledger's Joker, "Here, we, GO!"

xonassis: @bullevard Including the po po?

bullevard: @xonassis Let's see them outlaw prostitution, gambling and drugs as well as enforcing income taxes without their guns.

I assume he's talking about the British policing model (long since abandoned, I believe) when the Bobbies weren't allowed to carry firearms. So I responded thusly.

xonassis: @bullevard "I say, you there! Thief! Stop! Or I shall be forced to say Stop once again!"

bullevard: @xonassis Thief would be shot by the property owner.

bullevard: @xonassis Wouldn't it be nice for we the people to have the upper hand on our government?

So, I just want to make sure I have his imagined world view correct.

1) Take away all guns and authority to enforce laws from all levels of government. Local, County, State, Federal, Military.

2) Everyone EXCEPT the government is armed to the teeth and takes responsibility for nothing but their own safety and possessions.

And that's it. That's the Libertarian Utopia.

Without the ability to enforce laws, there are no laws.

Without the ability to collect taxes, there is no infrastructure from which to govern.

Without government, there is no civilization.

Our primitive, primate and hominid ancestors survived for millions of years with nothing but sharp sticks, a stockpile of rocks and their own survival instinct.

Apparently this is what Libertarians would like to return to.

But somewhere around 10,000 years ago, most intelligent life forms on earth decided that "everyone for themselves" was fucked up.

They discovered that living together, cooperating with each other and obeying some commonly agreed to rules of social interaction was a better survival strategy.

Along with this primitive epiphany came the realization that there had to be a way of enforcing these commonly agreed to rules. That's how the first governments were formed.

This first baby step of social organization eventually led to moon landings and Internet porn, the pinnacles of human evolution and technology.

Libertarians want to throw all of that away.

Imagine this Libertarian scenario.

I throw a party and invite all my friends, including bullevard.

After the party, I notice my "Iron Man" DVD is missing.

I think bullevard took it.

So I go over to his house, get the drop on him with my mad ninja skills, and I shoot the motherfucker dead. Because I really liked my "Iron Man" DVD.

I ransack his house, but I don't find it anywhere. Well fuck me running! Maybe I just misplaced it! My bad! While I'm there, I find some shit of his I like so I take it.

Later, the police show up to arrest me for murder and robbery. So I shoot them. They don't have any guns, so why not?

Then more cops show up so I shoot them too.

I can just sit there on my porch shooting people till I run out of bullets.

Until my neighbor notices that I seem to have an awful lot of bullets and they manage to kill me and steal all of my bullets.

Without laws, without taxes, without government, we are just heavily armed and aggressive australopithecines with an attitude.

Count me among those who think that the 10,000 year old invention of participating in a civilization and government for the betterment of the community was a better idea than hiding in caves with sharp sticks and rocks defending my supply of raw, uncooked, rapidly rotting pile of badly butchered sloth meat.

Government and civilization are good things.

That's why we invented them.

If you disagree, feel free to abandon your posessions, strip naked, sharpen a stick and wander off into the woods to live the life you love!

I'm sure "civilization as we know it" will collapse without your participitation.


mainstream said...

That is fucking quotable,

"we are just heavily armed and aggressive australopithecines with an attitude."


Old Fart said...

When you finally get that there is a huge difference between anarchists and libertarians, let us know.

Until then, have a blast worshipping at the feet of Big Brother. OOOOO - Bahhhhhh - MaaaaaaaaaaaaH.

May said...

Yeah, I've read through what Libertarians support and it definitely isn't a gun-laden playground of insanity.

Bull E. Vard said...

I was being as serious as you were. But you definitely have libertarianism and anarchism confused.

While I was joking to an extent, I do believe if your utopia is achieved with only the government armed, government agents will become just as unaccountable as you imagine the citizenry would be in the anarchist (not libertarian) utopia.

I Travel for JOOLS said...

I think I must have a strong libertarian streak in me. I bought a gun mostly because I didn't want somebody telling me I couldn't have a gun. And, of course, to stimulate the economy ;-)

Xavier Onassis said...

jools - Truth be told, I continued smoking cigarettes long after I should have stopped as my little way of sating "FUCK YOU" to all the anti-smoking zealots.

So I guess I can take at least a little credit for the fact that you own a gun. LOL!

cookinghamjr said...

Libertarians should be the conscious of the Democratic and Republican parties.

They resemble most closely the mindset of the Framers.

However, the mistake of the Libertarians, and what the Framers could not anticipate, is that humans don't operate in a self-regulating manner in industrial societies.

Midtown Miscreant said...

Sound like anarchists to me. I may be wrong, but I think Libertarians want less gubmint, not zero gubmint.

emawkc said...


Much like the Berlin Wall, your credibility tumbled 20 years ago.

Otto V Bismark said...

Guns don't kill people.

Muslims kill people.