Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Welcome To My Life

Her email: "I found your profile very intersting, My name is ######.
Hhow are you?"

Her Profile: "enjoy motercycle rides, outdoor fun, Going to the Casino. Vacations in the sun. Love taking long walks, I want to learn to hunt...:) Never shot a gun but would love to learn to Deer hunt. Hang out with friends,working out, meeting New people, Joel Osteen, Sundays are my Fundays.:)"

My Reply: "Hi ######,

Thanks for the response. I appreciate the interest.

But after reading your profile, I don't think I'm what you're looking for.

I've never been on a motorcycle because they scare the hell out of me, casinos hold no appeal for me...if I'm going to gamble I'd rather just have some buddies over for a friendly poker game, I'm philosophically opposed to hunting and I'm an atheist so millionaire "prosperity preachers" like Joel Osteen who reign over Mega Churches represent, to me, the worst possible aspect of organized religion.

I would be a waste of your time and feel like I should be honest enough to let you know that.

But thank you again for the response."

This is what I'm dealing with.


m.v. said...

He who loves Jesus gets thy dates.

Xavier Onassis said...

m.v. - Dates, possibly. Laid, doubtfully.

GB, RN said...

She should have just gone with "I can suck a golf ball through a 24 foot garden hose" instead. I hear that gets dates.

Nick said...


somebody around here can suck a golf ballthrough a garden hose? where is she?

I Travel for JOOLS said...

What kind of profile do you have that you would attract a Sarah Palin wannabe? I mean come on now, she must have found something very attractive about your profile..lol

Xavier Onassis said...

Jools - I have no idea. You tell me. http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=10487694

I Travel for JOOLS said...

Damn - you're as honest as the day is long.

May said...

wow... that's "special." I pretty much have given up on meeting women online. Apparently no one who uses dating sites is my type X_x

emawkc said...

Just sayin', never trust a woman with a "#" in her name.

m.v. said...

I would add "will grow hair on-demand"

Hyperblogal said...

She ain't real bright... your pix is head on not profile.

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Michelle T. said...

Thank God I've been married since before the Internets were invented. Astonishing that your fans/lurkers know you better than your online dating prospects. Do they ever answer back after receiving the polite brush-off?

Xavier Onassis said...

Michelle T. - Normally, if they are that far off the mark or I'm just not interested, I just don't respond at all.

Silence is usually kinder and less complicated than any sort of acknowledgement or explanation.

Give you an example. Let's say you're a waitress. You hump your ass, you smile, you keep the glasses filled but at the end of the meal, no tip for you.

You can assume that the customer forgot, or they have a thing against tipping, maybe they didn't have any singles, maybe they are having a tough time financially.

You can blow it off.

But if the fucker leaves you a nickle...that sends a message and it PISSES YOU OFF!

I probably shouldn't have responded to this one, but I was so WTF I just had to.

Nick said...

X.O. - totally off topic, but so fuckin' what, right?

Gotta see this; one of your christian soldiers made a movie that will CHANGE EVERYTHING! Warning - NFSFMH*

*(Not Fucking Suitable For Most Humans)