Tuesday, May 04, 2010

I'm A Horrible, Horrible Person

Every day, as I leave my office for the parking garage, I pass by the guard desk.

Working the desk at that time of day is a sweet, old, woman who makes it her mission to tell everyone walking by "Good night. Have a nice evening." Or some variation on that.

What makes me a horrible person is that I FUCKING HATE THAT!

It's the end of the day. I just want to get to my jeep and go home. I've had forced social interactions all day long. It's called "work". Now, all I want is to end it all and retreat to my Fortress of Solitude.

But first I have to pass the social bully at the guard desk.

The woman who is going to assault me with her well wishes.

The uniformed guard who is going to EXPECT me to acknowledge her unwanted comment with some sort of reciprocal nicety. Maybe even make EYE CONTACT!

Fuck!

Everyday I feel like I'm being aurally raped by unwanted good wishes!

I don't want to respond to her, but I generally do.

I may be an asshole, but I'm not a prick.

What's the difference, you ask?

About 2 inches.

Thanks for playing.

8 comments:

Gabriel Garcia said...

I have to say, I really did not see that punch line coming.

WHICH IS WHAT MAKES IT SO EFFECTIVE.

The DLC said...

There's a crossing guard in Prairie Village that makes it his own personal mission in life to wave to nearly every car that passes by. Seriously. He looks like a crazy person out there on 83rd street just waving like a sonuvabitch.

I ignored him for two years, but he wore me down so now I wave back.

Logtar said...

God Bless you XO!

LP Cards Fan said...

I take a different tack. I make the effort to say hello and goodnight to the security desk people. Sitting in my cube jail typing out code with little interaction makes one want social interaction.

I'm torn on the idea with the night guy though. He drinks out of a grenade shaped canteen.

Joe said...

Jesus X, wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?

Anonymous said...

Grow up! If it hurts to be pleasant,civil, or human. Get a different job psycho.

Anonymous said...

I hear two inches is about what ya got, honey.


Former Virgin

Anonymous said...

ouchy