Wednesday, September 01, 2010

An Open Letter To Price Chopper


Dear Price Chopper,

PRO: Tonight I bought $42.00 worth of groceries and only paid $12 because I got a $30.00 DISCOUNT thanks to your Price Chopper Rewards program. That was FUCKING AWESOME! I LOVE the Rewards Program! Keep up the good work!

CON: These chewey, dried out, strips of worn out leather you harvested from the soles of a bunch of used wing-tips and penny-loafers you bought in bulk at the DAV Thrift Store and soaked in the worst BBQ sauce in KC (Zarda's) does not, I repeat, DOES FUCKING NOT, meet the definition of "BBQ Brisket" as displayed on the label in front of said "meat".

In the interest of "truth in advertising", you should re-label your offering thusly:

"This is 165 year old Franklin Artic Expedition 'last choice before resorting to cannabilism' rations infused with slightly molasses flavored diarrhea".



Yours In Christ,


Xavier Onassis

5 comments:

m.v. said...

or they should just say "for young people only", that would exclude all the sea-bond users and cross-reference with the grouchy demographics.

Chimpotle said...

Because, living in KC, buying barbecue at a grocery store is the thing to do.

Chris said...

When did this blog become Consumer Reports?

Nick said...

kerist, are you that desperate for attention you're gonna start blogging about businesses and corporations in hopes they email you? look, the relationship thang didn’t work out, okay, we understand, but holy mother of odin don’t take it out on the rest of us.

I Travel for JOOLS said...

The last brisket I bought at Price Chopper was tough as hell too.

By the way folks, the price of meat is going to skyrocket in the coming weeks and months so better stock up now, even if it turns out to be shoe leather fed beef.