Friday, November 12, 2010

The Barter System

OK, here's the deal.

I have some shit I need done that I have been tolerating and working around for a long time because I'm either too stupid or lazy to tackle them on my own.

I'm willing to trade delicious food, mediocre sex or, in some very rare cases, actual cash in exchange for your services.

You can pick one task or multiple tasks and name your preferred recompense. I just need to get this shit done.

RECOVERING MICROSOFT OFFICE
I had a Dell XPS that had Microsoft Office installed on it. The circuit board got fried but I was able to save the hard drive. What was the C: drive on my Dell XPS is now the external H: drive on my hand-me-down Dell Optiplex. It still has Microsoft Office installed on it but I can’t get it to run.

Need to fix that.

DELL OPTIPLEX BOOT
Whenever I boot my Dell Optiplex I get a BIOS screen that says “Primary drive 1 not found. Strike the F1 key to continue, F2 to run the setup utility”

If I “strike” F1 it finds the primary drive, boots up and everything is fine. Afraid of trying to “fix it” by running the setup utility out of fear that I’ll fuck it up and hitting F1 won’t work anymore.

Need to fix that.

XPS to OPTIPLEX TECH TRANSFER
In addition to the hard drive, I have some leftover RAM and a video card. Need to see if any of those spare parts can be used to optimize the Optiplex. Could use someone who actually knows what they are doing to be my hardware wingman.

Need to fix that.

PS3/STREAMING NETFLIX SURROUND SOUND
According to this (http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2010/10/netflix-ps3-streaming-app-adds-hd-surround-sound-ditches-disc/) I should be getting full Surround Sound from my PS3 Streaming Netflix content and Blu-Ray DVDs.. My sound system looks like it’s configured correctly, but I ain’t got no Surround Sound.

Need to fix that.

WIRELESS NETWORK
I have a wireless network setup at home, but things on my desktop upstairs that used to be accessible from my Netbook downstairs are no longer accessible.

Need to fix that.

BLOG CODE BLOAT
My blog code has tons of errors that cause it to take FOREVER to load if you are tying to load it native instead of through Google Reader. I think it’s from years of adding, deleting and changing shit through the blogger.com user interface without knowing html.

I need someone who knows html to get in there, fix those errors and streamline stuff.

Need to fix that.

If any of the above sounds like something you can fix and you are willing to work for what I am offering to pay, drop me a line.

I need to get this shit fixed.

6 comments:

AKCB said...

I might be interested. My only concern is I prefer really lousy sex to mediocre. I mean, I still want you to do all the work but I'm going to need you to sweat a lot and finish way too early. If that's possible, I'll be happy to do a half-assed job with your to-do list. You're cool with dude-on-dude, right?

m.v. said...

Concerning the Office, I would suggest (as I did) to download Open Office or use Google Docs.You'd never have to wonder about entering a key or other BS.
Although you sex offer is tempting,there is no way I am driving to East St.Louis where you live.Maybe we can do something in the back seat of my car next time we meet.

Xavier Onassis said...

m.v. - I downloaded Open Office as you suggested. But now that I have it, I no longer have any need of you and your sordid back seat sex. Доверие, но проверяют.

"The D" said...

Have you backed up everything that you would want to keep?

If so, cut your losses and just get a new PC or laptop. You'll get good deals during the holidays.

If you REALLY need MS Office check with your employer. I got Office 2010 for $20 bucks from mine.

Midtown Miscreant said...

lolrz akcb. Notice XO just glossed right over your offer. I think it was the sweaty part that scared him off. No Seacrest.

Anonymous said...

On a side note, it is a criminal act to trade sex for services.

Raytown Hack Lawyer and Mold Specialist.