Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Kris Kobach Feeds On Your Stupidity And Paranoia

The fastest track to getting elected in Kansas is to campaign against a single issue.

People in Kansas don't like to be confused or befuddled by complexity. It makes their "brains" itch.

Don't campaign FOR something because that implies some sort of FORward progress. Kansans hate that shit.

Keep it the same. Keep it simple.

Kansas revolves (actually, being a squarish state, it doesn't so much revolve as it clumsily tumbles end-over-end) around 3 simple issues.




Kris Kobach is the most recent pandering politician to work a Jedi Mind Trick on the Kansas electorate by campaigning for Secretary of State on the single issue of ILLEGAL ALIENS.

But to his credit, he added a layer of "intellectual" complexity and upped the ante by adding the fear of VOTER FRAUD. That's right...hordes of ILLEGAL ALIENS storming the polling places on election day!

His entire campaign revolved around preventing illegal aliens from casting illegal votes.

SERIOUSLY? Are fucking kidding me right meow?

These "illegal aliens" that everyone is so fucking scared of are the meekest, most low profile members of the population you can imagine! They operate under 3 Basic Rules.

1. Don't get caught.
2. Don't get caught.
3. Don't get caught.

They are not going to do anything that could result in them possibly getting caught! They can only stay in the country and continue to make money and live a good life if they don't get caught!

They won't even send in their Census forms or open their doors to Census workers for fear of being caught! They would no more walk in to a polling place on election day and try to cast an illegal vote than they would sign up to take a tour of the F.B.I. Museum or try to run for public office!

I defy anyone to find a single politician or issue that would be so compelling and important to an "illegal alien" that they would risk being caught, captured and deported to risk going to a public polling place and casting an illegal vote.

What? Kansas City's Earnings Tax? A Bond issue to support the Kaufmann Complex? Light Rail?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Kobach's proposed solution to this non-existent crisis is to require voters to produce proof of citizenship in the form of a driver's license, state ID card, passport or some other state sanctioned identification.


This isn't meant to keep illegal aliens away, it's meant to keep minorities and people on the lower end of the socio-economic spectrum (most of which are more likely to vote for Democrats) away from the polls to tilt the electoral balance in favor of white conservatives!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not that different from Kris Kobach. There are people I want to keep away from the polls too. I'm just more honest about it. I want to keep stupid, uninformed, imbeciles away from the polls.

I don't give a flying fuck at a rolling donut if someone has a driver's license or some other form of ID. Fuck that.

Can you pass a Citizenship Test? The same test they give LEGAL immigrants before bestowing U.S. Citizenship?

I think this should be a prerequisite to becoming a registered voter. You and generations of your family being born here don't mean shit you ignorant, bigotted fuck.

And on top of that, on election day, you have to answer 5 random questions from the Citizenship Test and exhibit knowledge and understanding about 5 recent national news stories, just to prove you are engaged and paying attention.

If you can't answer the questions or prove you know what's going on in the world, YOU DON'T GET TO VOTE! Go back home and watch "Dancing With The Stars"! Dipshit!


m.v. said...

since we are into calling bullshit here,let's not pretend that poor people don't or can't get ID's. everyone has an ID,poor people,broke people, people under the bridge. this is an old line democrats always pull.the same people who are known for the most cases of documented voter fraud in the history of this country, from pendergast and daley,to present since you are so principled and educated bullshit fighter,why repeat something you should know is not true. just say that you DO want people to vote more than once, or in several districts, or if they are illegal, or whatever.

Xavier Onassis said...

m.v. - Comrade, you're missing the point. I know that in the Union of Soviet Socialist Republic 100% of the voters turned out to exercise their Democratic Right To Vote.

I'm saying there is absolutely no evidence or motivation that would indicate that "illegal aliens" would have any motivation to risk getting caught by trying to vote. They are better off keeping the lowest possible profile. This is a bogus issue!

m.v. said...

I actually have no problem if people are required to show ID at the polling station, doesn't matter what the reason is. it's hard not to conclude that the side most interested in fighting that is most interested in keeping the fraud going.and fraud is fraud even if 1 person was able to do it- see recent local primary won by one vote.
btw, in the USSR there was always one candidate, so it didn't matter BUT to achieve to high 99% participation even there they had to please people and beg them to show up and vote.during that time, the most apartment maintenance and other issues otherwise unresolved, were suddenly escalated and completed. they also offered hard-to find delicacies for sale at the voting stations. so there.

Xavier Onassis said...

m.v. Oh PUHleeeze! There was never 100% turnout in U.S.S.R. There aren't enough boscht brownie treats in the world to guarantee 100% voter turnout. It was a rigged game where votes were a sham. You know, like Bush vs. Gore.

Joe said...

You have to show ID damn near everywhere in this country to do damn near anything. I guess voting and getting married are two governmental things you don't need ID for.

Nick said...

I can't wait until you get really old and stop holding back...

I Travel for JOOLS said...

Have you read the Missouri law signed by Blunt in 2008? Missouri is a lot tougher on illegal immigrants and their employers than Kansas. Missouri has even outlawed sanctuary cities.

Now that we're rid of Sebelius and her crew, Kansas will no doubt clamp down on illegal immigration as well.

Furthermore, it's just a matter of time before national ID's are required. That's the only way CIR will ever be enacted. And, then they'll be used for everything, including voting.

Old Fart said...

Uh Oh. I agree with XO.

But for completely different reasons than he put into words.

You can not require US citizens to pay money to exercise their right to vote.

No government agency gives out free photo identification cards to any citizen who wants one.

kcmeesha said...

"People over 65 could vote using expired IDs and people with incomes less than 150 percent of the poverty level —$33,075 for a family of four — could qualify for a free ID card and/or a free birth certificate copy."

Read more:

I will propose that in Kansas you cannot get an income of $33K without an ID. Every proposal on voter ID includes this kind of provision, because it will be immediately deemed unconstitutional for the reasons Old Fart mentioned here.

emawkc said...

I don't see the big deal. Illegal aliens are never a danger to the US.

Bull E. Vard said...

My favorite part of little rant is XO trying to pretend that he's all for voter's rights and it's somehow racist to ask for ID (I'm on record as being against Kobach so I'm not defending him). Then, after spending so much time saying how stupid it is to require ID, advocating for a much more difficult test for voting that is pretty clearly unconstitutional. It takes real effort to try to make fun of Kris Kobach (who definitely should be mocked) and end up looking even more foolish and wrongheaded than Kobach.

Bravo XO, a brilliant piece of work.