Vote Republican! We Solve Problems That Don't Exist!

This is what Republicans do. They conjure scary fucking threats and enemies out of whole cloth. They make shit up. Just like the Nazis.

But instead of Jews in Germany it's Mexicans and Muslims in America. Then they whip up a frenzy in their drooling, inbred, idiotic, paranoid, toothless, fundamentalist, evangelical, Tea Party base. They convince them that The Monsters are coming for them! Then they promise to protect them from The Monsters and the shuffling, mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging Neanderthals believe them and vote for them and anything they propose.

Here are some glaring examples. Kansas governor signs bill blocking use of Islamic law

"TOPEKA, KS (AP) - Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback has signed a law aimed at keeping the state's courts or government agencies from basing decisions on Islamic or other foreign legal codes.  ...Supporters say it simply restates American values. Supporters have worried about Sharia law being applied in Kansas."

OK, when was the last time any defendant requested, or any judge entertained, the application of Islamic Sharia law in a court case in Kansas? Without even bothering to do a LexisNexis search let me go out on a limb and say IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED!

"MUSLIMS ARE MONSTERS! THEY ARE OUT TO GET YOU! PROTECT YOURSELVES!

Show me 1 single fundamentalist Muslim who wants to move to Kansas and try to promote Sharia Law as the new legal standard.  Go ahead.  I'll wait.  Link to them in the comment section.  I'll look forward to it.

Here's another example of Republican stupidity: Kansas House Passes Stricter Voter ID Law Moving Up Proof Of Citizenship Date To 2012

"Under the terms of the law, which was originally passed last year, voters will need to present proof of citizenship in order to register to vote. Among the 13 proofs of citizenship that the state allows are birth certificates and driver's licenses, if a birth certificate was presented when the driver's license was obtained."

The Big Fear here is that illegal aliens will flood the polling places, cast illegal votes for Democrats and for policies that favor a path to citizenship for undocumented residents, thereby skewing the results election and changing public policy in favor of the illegal aliens.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?! Undocumented residents, or, "illegal aliens" won't even answer their door or phone to talk to a seasonally employed census taker who doesn't give a fuck because they are afraid of being deported.  Do you really think they are going to go out of their way and take the risk of showing up at a voting booth to try to cast an illegal vote? SERIOUSLY?

"ILLEGAL ALIENS ARE MONSTERS! THEY ARE OUT TO GET YOU! PROTECT YOURSELVES!

Show me 1 single undocumented resident who showed up at a polling place impersonating an American citizen and attempted to cast a vote.  Go ahead.  I'll wait.  Link to them in the comment section.  I'll look forward to it.

Here's another example of Republican stupidity: Alabama sets nation's toughest immigration law

"The measure will require public schools to determine the citizenship status of students -- a provision not included in an Arizona law that has been at the forefront of actions by several states to curb illegal immigration. Under the Alabama law, police must detain someone they suspect of being in the country illegally if the person cannot produce proper documentation when stopped for any reason. It also will be a crime to knowingly transport or harbor someone who is in the country illegally. The law imposes penalties on businesses that knowingly employ someone without legal resident status. A company's business license could be suspended or revoked."

REALLY? Alabama? Let's take a look at an actual map:

If I'm in Mexico, I would have to risk illegally crossing the U.S. border into southern Texas where everyone looks like me, speaks my language and where and I could pass undetected. Do I stay there and stay safe? OH NO!

According to the Governor of Alabama, I choose to travel north and east across a HUGE expanse of Texas, and pass through Louisiana and Mississippi in order to get to the shitty little fucking boot heel of Alabama where I would presumably start breeding like a warren of rabbits and spreading north to steal jobs from lazy, alcoholic, white trash welfare bums and cast illegal votes.  Because that makes perfect sense.


1.) Why the fuck wouldn't I just stay in Texas?
2.) New Orleans or Baton Rouge are way more appealing than anything in Alabama.
3.) Mississippi...OK, I get that. Keep going.
4.) Alabama? Seriously? I've come this far, why would I stop in Alabama when I could travel just a little bit farther and be in fucking Florida!?! Once in Florida I could just tell everyone I'm Cuban and blend right in. I'm home free!

Alabama? Does the Governor of Alabama think that his new Draconian legislation makes Alabama any less appealing to immigrants than the rampant poverty and racism they already have going for them?

"ILLEGAL ALIENS ARE MONSTERS! THEY ARE OUT TO GET YOU! PROTECT YOURSELVES!

Show me 1 single undocumented resident who illegally crossed the Rio Grande, crossed eastern Texas, crossed Louisiana, crossed Mississippi for the "privilege" of settling in a "progressive and welcoming" state like fucking Alabama instead of going for the gold and making it all the way to southern Florida?. Go ahead. I'll wait. Link to them in the comment section. I'll look forward to it.

Republicans are scaredy cat, paranoid idiots.  Go cower in your Cold War bomb shelters, dry hump your deer rifles and live off Spam.  Just stay the fuck away from the polls.  You're too stupid to be allowed to vote.