Friday, May 25, 2012

Vote Republican! We Solve Problems That Don't Exist!


This is what Republicans do. They conjure scary fucking threats and enemies out of whole cloth. They make shit up. Just like the Nazis.

But instead of Jews in Germany it's Mexicans and Muslims in America. Then they whip up a frenzy in their drooling, inbred, idiotic, paranoid, toothless, fundamentalist, evangelical, Tea Party base. They convince them that The Monsters are coming for them! Then they promise to protect them from The Monsters and the shuffling, mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging Neanderthals believe them and vote for them and anything they propose.

Here are some glaring examples. Kansas governor signs bill blocking use of Islamic law
"TOPEKA, KS (AP) - Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback has signed a law aimed at keeping the state's courts or government agencies from basing decisions on Islamic or other foreign legal codes.  ...Supporters say it simply restates American values. Supporters have worried about Sharia law being applied in Kansas."
OK, when was the last time any defendant requested, or any judge entertained, the application of Islamic Sharia law in a court case in Kansas? Without even bothering to do a LexisNexis search let me go out on a limb and say IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED!

"MUSLIMS ARE MONSTERS! THEY ARE OUT TO GET YOU! PROTECT YOURSELVES!

Show me 1 single fundamentalist Muslim who wants to move to Kansas and try to promote Sharia Law as the new legal standard.  Go ahead.  I'll wait.  Link to them in the comment section.  I'll look forward to it.

Here's another example of Republican stupidity: Kansas House Passes Stricter Voter ID Law Moving Up Proof Of Citizenship Date To 2012
"Under the terms of the law, which was originally passed last year, voters will need to present proof of citizenship in order to register to vote. Among the 13 proofs of citizenship that the state allows are birth certificates and driver's licenses, if a birth certificate was presented when the driver's license was obtained."
The Big Fear here is that illegal aliens will flood the polling places, cast illegal votes for Democrats and for policies that favor a path to citizenship for undocumented residents, thereby skewing the results election and changing public policy in favor of the illegal aliens.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?! Undocumented residents, or, "illegal aliens" won't even answer their door or phone to talk to a seasonally employed census taker who doesn't give a fuck because they are afraid of being deported.  Do you really think they are going to go out of their way and take the risk of showing up at a voting booth to try to cast an illegal vote? SERIOUSLY?

"ILLEGAL ALIENS ARE MONSTERS! THEY ARE OUT TO GET YOU! PROTECT YOURSELVES!

Show me 1 single undocumented resident who showed up at a polling place impersonating an American citizen and attempted to cast a vote.  Go ahead.  I'll wait.  Link to them in the comment section.  I'll look forward to it.

Here's another example of Republican stupidity: Alabama sets nation's toughest immigration law
"The measure will require public schools to determine the citizenship status of students -- a provision not included in an Arizona law that has been at the forefront of actions by several states to curb illegal immigration. Under the Alabama law, police must detain someone they suspect of being in the country illegally if the person cannot produce proper documentation when stopped for any reason. It also will be a crime to knowingly transport or harbor someone who is in the country illegally. The law imposes penalties on businesses that knowingly employ someone without legal resident status. A company's business license could be suspended or revoked."
REALLY? Alabama? Let's take a look at an actual map:


If I'm in Mexico, I would have to risk illegally crossing the U.S. border into southern Texas where everyone looks like me, speaks my language and where and I could pass undetected. Do I stay there and stay safe? OH NO!

According to the Governor of Alabama, I choose to travel north and east across a HUGE expanse of Texas, and pass through Louisiana and Mississippi in order to get to the shitty little fucking boot heel of Alabama where I would presumably start breeding like a warren of rabbits and spreading north to steal jobs from lazy, alcoholic, white trash welfare bums and cast illegal votes.  Because that makes perfect sense.


1.) Why the fuck wouldn't I just stay in Texas?
2.) New Orleans or Baton Rouge are way more appealing than anything in Alabama.
3.) Mississippi...OK, I get that. Keep going.
4.) Alabama? Seriously? I've come this far, why would I stop in Alabama when I could travel just a little bit farther and be in fucking Florida!?! Once in Florida I could just tell everyone I'm Cuban and blend right in. I'm home free!

Alabama? Does the Governor of Alabama think that his new Draconian legislation makes Alabama any less appealing to immigrants than the rampant poverty and racism they already have going for them?

"ILLEGAL ALIENS ARE MONSTERS! THEY ARE OUT TO GET YOU! PROTECT YOURSELVES!

Show me 1 single undocumented resident who illegally crossed the Rio Grande, crossed eastern Texas, crossed Louisiana, crossed Mississippi for the "privilege" of settling in a "progressive and welcoming" state like fucking Alabama instead of going for the gold and making it all the way to southern Florida?. Go ahead. I'll wait. Link to them in the comment section. I'll look forward to it.

Republicans are scaredy cat, paranoid idiots.  Go cower in your Cold War bomb shelters, dry hump your deer rifles and live off Spam.  Just stay the fuck away from the polls.  You're too stupid to be allowed to vote.

11 comments:

Byron said...

Damn, XO, I wish I could write like that. Brilliant!!

Notice to illegal aliens:
If you can make it all the way to West Virginia, you will be safe here. Look for the 'Alto Hombre', he will help you. We ran the first Underground Railroad. We have experience.

Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...

Show me 1 single undocumented resident who showed up at a polling place impersonating an American citizen and attempted to cast a vote.

Alien!

Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...

That's a young Joe Ratzinger with the pointer at the blackboard, isn't it?

Darth Bacon said...

Hey Prick with a computer, get a fucking life don't write about Real American Hero's anymore, you are an Insult to them.

Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...

Darth Bacon said,

"....get a fucking life...."

Would you mean for the word 'fucking' to be read as a verb or an adjective?

".....don't write about Real American Hero's anymore...."

'Hero's' when clearly 'Heroes' is demanded?
'anyway' when 'any way' is also clearly required?

Dear oh dear.
Dear oh dear oh dear!
This just goes to show the folly of trying to teach the pedestrian how to read and write.

P.S.
By not bothering to pixellate your insight in a grammatically correct fashion, you too are insulting 'Real American Heroes'. Many have died for your right to be educated. Do you not shame them by not striving to do so?

Ducky's here said...

Those Muslims are sneaky, XO.

I have some Iraqi neighbors and they invited several neighbors to an Eid celebration.

Man, talk about a spread.

Sorry Darth, no Bacon but what a feed.
Real nice people.

Anonymous said...

Atheist equals Eatshit

Faith said...

Just being the devil's advocate on this one, I'd think that any illegals running from Mexico to Alabama might be able to get there easier by boat. They do have a teeny tiny amount of coastline on the Gulf, eh? So that's why they might have any kind of issue with it. I'm not sure, though...I'm no expert in the current ways of the Alabama illegal situation.

I agree with you, in theory, on all of this. Sometimes, I wonder why these lawmakers feel a need to put this kind of shit out there. Is it to make a point? Is it to keep themselves busy? Don't they have better shit to spend their time on? At ALL? It's sad, really...

Xavier Onassis said...

Faith - Matamoros, Mexico to Mobile, Alabama (their only major port)is over 1,000 miles of open, heavily patrolled, commercial and recreational coastline. Not very discreet if you are floating on a raft made of old, leaky tractor inner tubes and plywood planks.

Conservative lawmakers put these proposals forward to throw red meat at their hateful, racist, xenophobic, paranoid, Tea Party fanatic base.

It sends the signal that "I'm one of you!" without actually doing anything of substance since the alledged problem doesn't really exist.

It's all smoke and mirrors aimed at easily impressed gullible fucks with no critical thinking skills who are looking for easy answers to complex questions.

A.K.A, Republicans.

Nick said...

man...if you don't get the butt ugliest commenters

Xavier Onassis said...

Nick - Exactly why I decided to turn on Comment Moderation. I can control which turds get plopped in which punch bowls.