Sunday, July 15, 2012

What Is Your Life Story?

So, I was at Price Chopper this afternoon and there was a gaggle of people that reminded me of one of those "which of these is not like the other ones?" puzzles.

There were maybe a dozen of them They clearly weren't actual Amish, but they had an Amishish vibe to them.

I also detected a hint of Mormonism. They were all dressed in old-timey clothes. Farm dresses and straw hats for the women and girls, ill-fitting black suits and white shirts for the boys, while the obvious Patriarch seemed to have a bit more leeway in his sartorial choices.

They were huddled together in the baked goods section at first, then they seemed to be all over the store. They didn't seem to be overtly proselytizing. They seemed to be shopping in an environment to which they were unaccustomed. I overheard one of them saying something about "you're going to get us lost".

At Price Chopper.

Somewhere between the meat and dairy section, a young, maybe 5 or 6 year, old little girl spotted me, made eye contact, clearly saw the godlessness in my eyes and eagerly and sincerely approached me with a religious tract in her outstretched hand.

Had it been one of the adults, I would have given them a scornful "Um, no thanks."

But the little girl was clearly concerned about my Eternal Soul and was cuter than a speckled pup in a red wagon so I took the tract. This was my favorite page because it seemed to capture all of my favorite things that make life worth living.


But according to the tract, I'm wrong about all of that fun shit. Here is how I am supposed to be living my life.


And here is how you achieve such an incredibly drab, boring and suicide inducing lifestyle.


Yeah, fuck all that hocus pocus.

I still don't know what religious cult these folks belong to, but their tract was published by an outfit called Operation Somebody Cares. You can read the entire tract here.

Enjoy and may God have Mercy on your Eternal Soul.

7 comments:

Donna said...

Hmmm, some weird kind of Baptist, it says. OK, I put the "weird" in there. Before I saw that, I was thinking Mennonites. They are like Amish Lite.

kcmeesha said...

They missed fornication.

Faith said...

Holy shit. I had no idea that my filthy speech would lead to things like being a despiser of good, and SODOMY!

I must renounce my evi...fuck, I just dropped my apple in the dirt. :/

Kevin said...

Well,aint that some shit.

sue hanes said...

XO - Waiting for some more great photographs from you.

Nick said...

The Charles manse was visited 2 Saturdays back by The Family All In Black [Pater, Mater and Older Sisters} wanting to disseminate like literature. The clan was notable in that they all displayed the emotional valence of a 5 year-old.

Being not as charmed as you were, we did not deign to receive them, much less their propaganda. (It certainly didn’t help they called at an especially “good” part of “Cajun Justice”; I believe gator hunter Jacob Lirette was about ready to hawk a chunk of chaw at a Terrebonne Parish’s Sherriff’s deputy.)

Frankly, now that the Astas are older, we don’t even find 5 year-olds amusing.

Poodles said...

Swearing leads to sodomy? Bring it bitch!