A Huge First

If you follow me on Twitter, you know that last night was a big night for me.

If you don't follow me on Twitter, well, I don't blame ya. I probably wouldn't follow me either. But I digress.

Last night was the first time I met my only daughter's boyfriend.

This was the scenario. My daughter, young (15 y.o.) Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis, her friend Chrissy, my daughter's boyfriend Johnny and his friend Jerry, were coming to my house on Halloween to watch movies while I fixed tacos for dinner.

All in all, the evening went very well.

Johnny seems about as harmless as any 16 year old boy with a driver's license, guaged ears, a crooked hat, who plays guitar in a band (but can't name The Beatles), and who is sitting in my living room on my couch with his arm draped around my daughter's shoulders with his left hand dangling dangerously close to where it shouldn't be dangling.

Which is to say NOT VERY FUCKING HARMLESS AT ALL!!!

Actually, I think I handled things as well as can be expected. I didn't embarrass her (too much) despite making many unannounced and random trips downstairs to an incrementally less illuminated living room.

There are more lights on downstairs when I'm asleep then there were while they were watching movies!

Still, the boys left by 11 and the girls spent the night here.

This morning I got word that Johnny and Jerry think I'm funny and my tacos were delicious. Which GTO of course hates. All of her friends think I'm cool and funny and she can't stand that. Which amuses me greatly.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not stupid.

Are my daughter and I best friends? Absolutely.

Have I relinquished my roll as a Parent? Oh hellz no!

What I have been doing for the past 15 years is cultivating a relationship of openess. I want her to know that we can talk about ANYTHING without me having some melodramatic meltdown.

Because in that environment, when I DO have to throw down the Father Card and say "that's not going to happen and this is why", I have a lot more credibility and she takes me much more seriously.

It's my theory of Gravitational Parenting.

It's not very well thought out, it has absolutely no grounding in science and it has never been proven to work because I'm just making this shit up as I go along like everybody else.

But so far, so good.

Gravitational Parenting

A recent post prompted a discussion in the comments about the appropriateness of a 14 year old getting her belly button pierced.

A typically anonymous commenter kicked it off.

"I hope you've already made the doctors appointment for the birth control because you are clearly giving her permission to grow up way too soon"

Since when do children need permission to grow up and when were parents granted the power to control it?

I think a child growing up is like Class V Rapids flowing down a mountain. You can't stop it or even slow it down.

If you try to build a dam the water will find it's way over it, around it or through it and go places you can't control.

As a parent, what you want to do is carve a channel ahead of the flow and guide the water into the course you want it to take.

Not only can you control the direction of the flow, but by judiciously widening the banks at critical points, you can calm the flow and make the waters less turbulent.

By trying to keep the banks as restricted and narrow as possible at all points, you only succeed in increasing the turbulence and violence of the water.

If you view each parent as a bank of the stream, it becomes self evident why both parents need to speak with the same voice. Doesn't matter whether you are married or divorced. When it comes to raising a child, you have to have the same destination in mind. If one of the banks is missing or takes a different course, you can't control the flow of the water.

But by letting nature take it's course down a path that you can control (by being rationally and picking your battles), it is possible to raise a sane, well behaved, intelligent young adult capable of making good decisions.