Hip Suburban White Guy

MY FIRST CUSS WORD

This happened when I was about 6 years old, back in Coffeyville, KS.

Me and some friends were out in the yard, getting ready to play baseball.

We were arguing over who would be the pitcher.

Hearing the raised voices, my dad came out to see what the problem was.

I thought he was coming out to play with us, so I pointed at him and yelled to my buddys "I know! Let's let that sonofabitch pitch!"

Have no idea where I picked it up from. Must have thought it was a term of endearment. Or baseball slang. Who knows.

I'm 50 years old now and my ass still hurts.

Try to avoid calling your dad a sonofabitch.

[In true memoir form, this story has been embellished. Just like that guy on Oprah. Neither I nor anyone in my family can remember whether I got an ass whoopin' or if he just fell down laughing. But the "lesson of redemption" here is, "Don't call your dad a sonofabitch". It's not very nice, and if HE doesn't go all "Chuck Norris" on you, your grandmother will. And nobody wants to be on the business end of a roundhouse kick in the face from their grandmother. End of lesson.]