Monday, February 06, 2006



The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had
covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past 5 years,
whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in
four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUV's in an effort to determine in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 41 of the 50 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh Shit!"

Only the states of Oklahoma, Nebraska, Missouri, Kansas, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas, and North Dakota were different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were:

"Hold my beer, I'm gonna try somethin."


Larry and Bob wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00 between them.

Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea."

He went next door to the butcher's shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage.

Bob said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"

Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

They went into the pub where Larry immediately ordered two double shots of JackDaniels.

Bob said, "Now you've lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will be in?

We haven't got any money to pay for this!"

Larry replied, with a smile, "Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!"

They downed their drinks.

Larry said "OK! I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you get on your knees and put it in your mouth."

Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth bar, Bob said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this anymore.

My mouth is sore! and my knees are killing me!"

Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage at the third bar!!

1 comment:

Basemomb said...

OMG LMFAO--Good one!!!