Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Minnesota Karl vs. XO

OK. Some guy up in MN called me out for my last post and basically accused me of hating bicycle riders who use busy roads. I responded to him. You can read it if you want.

BUT, I want to make one final point here. And since this is my blog, that's what I'm gonna do.

I'm not just against bicycles on busy roads. That would be narrow minded and shallow of me. XO is much deeper and more complex than that. You can't put XO in a box! Don't try to label me!

I'm also against 18 wheelers that you can't see around and that take about 2 weeks to go from a dead stop to highway speeds.

I'm against those stupid little fucking four cylinder cars with loud exhaust pipes that make 'em sound like a cartoon squirrel farting.

I'm against bikers who like to rev their loud pipes just to be pricks.

I'm against stores that think they need to know you're fucking zip code just to ring up a sale.

I'm against those friendly fuckers at Quick Trip who want to be my best friend when all I want is a fucking Diet Coke and to be on my way without any needless, superfluous human interaction.

I'm against ANY missionary of ANY persuasion who comes knocking on my door uninvited. Their worst nightmare would be me actually opening the door and talking to them. I can do a very credible impersonation of a "baby eatin' Satanist" and giggle like a schoolgirl for days over the expression on their faces.

I'm against the war in Iraq, against the Republicans, the conservatives, the Neo-Cons, far-right religious fanatics, extremists of any kind and I'm against intolerance.

I absolutely cannot tolerate intolerance. It is abhorrent to me. If I had a bumper sticker on my gas guzzling SUV, it would say "DEATH TO ALL FANATICS". I'll wait just a second until you absorb the irony of that statement.

Hmmm, hmmm hmm............................

OK. Got it? Let's proceed.

What am I for, you ask? Well thank you for your interest! Let me tell you!

Kinky sex, small batch bourbon, good cigars, porn on the internet, and anything that makes my life easier and less stressfull no matter what the cost to the environment or future generations.

Oh, and lesbians. Love those lesbians!

I sincerely hope this clears up any confusion.

Have a nice fucking day. Or not. I really don't care. Just trying to be "polite".

Thanks for stopping by.


Lunatic Biker said...

You have a nice fucking day too and thanks for the hilarious rant.

Tom Stormcrowe said...

SNort, Snicker, SNort.....I am one of those spandex wearing cyclists, but I DO have a sense of humor and recognize Hyperbolic humor when I see it, now I gotta run before I start channeling Roy D Mercer.....ooops. to late, ....How bigga boy are ya anyway? ::GRIN::

Xavier Onassis said...

lunatic: I did have a nice fucking day! Thanks!!!

Xavier Onassis said...

tom: Thanks for "getting it"!

Jane said...

haha GREAT I love it...especially the zip code at the cash register...what the hell is that?!

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