Sunday, July 02, 2006

Superman Returns

OK. I don't really do movie reviews.

But just saw Superman Returns with my daughter, little Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis (GTO) and had a few thoughts to get down on e-paper.

First of all, I liked it. Go see it. It's fucking Superman. You can't go wrong with the Big Blue Boy Scout and state of the art CGI.


I won't give too much away, but if you want to see the movie completely virginized, stop reading now.

OK. Still with me?

Supes and Kent are both gone for 5 years and both come back on the same day with nothing but a pair of glasses to account for the difference?? C'mon. I can suspend my disbelief long enough to account for an alien coming to earth with superpowers. But I have trouble swallowing the idea that anybody could be that blind and stupid. But then again, GWB is in his second term and a lot of folks seem to believe that Iraq was somehow involved with 9/11. Maybe I am overestimating people's critical thinking skills. Sorry. Political digression.

Plus. he's fucking Superman. He couldn't cobble together a Clark Kent robot or something to fill in while he's gone? He had a whole warehouse full of Superman robots in the comics.

I loved the bit with the gattling gun. But why someone robbing a bank would go to the trouble of hauling a gantry mounted, swiveling, counter-weighted gattling gun to the roof of a building is beyond me. Seems to me like getting in and out quietly and unnoticed might be a better plan of action. But, criminals are stupid and it made for a great scene, so who cares?

But the thing that really, REALLY bugged me was this. With all of the Kryptonian's advanced technology ( building entire continents from crystals, holographic memory, interstellar flight, the Phantom Zone, etc.), don't you think they could have come up with a more elegant way of landing a space craft than hurling it into a flaming crater, destroying the craft and incapacitating the occupant?? I'm no rocket scientist, but I'm thinking, maybe put some wheels on the fucker. Or a parachute. Something. Hurling it into the ground at reentry speeds and leaving a flaming gouge a mile long behind you just seems a bit wasteful and overly dramatic.

But it's still a good movie. Brandon Routh does a good job channeling Christopher Reeve and doesn't look quite as gay in the redesigned Superman costume as George Clooney did buckling his Batman Utility Belt.

Go. See. Enjoy.