Tuesday, December 26, 2006

I'm more of a Cracker Squirmer

As an extension to my James Brown tribute, here are a bunch of white people "dansin".

Note: The difference between "dancing" and "dansin" is roughly equivelant to the difference between "wrestling" and "rasslin". Or "naked" and "nekkid".

Actually my daughter, young Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis, has seen me dance and she calls it the Flopping Fish dance. The closest analog in this vid is the Hip Breaker.

It just don't get any funnier than white folk dansin.


travelingal said...

Obviously, you didn't watch Championship Ballroom dancing on Channel 19 Christmas Day nite...well I gotta tell ya, you really missed something. There are people that can really dance, white people even though I can't pronounce most of their names ...

Quite frankly I see hip suburban white guy competing in the swing category or perhaps quick step..

Shake that booty white guy

Xavier Onassis said...

Well, travel, you're partially correct. I do LOVE swing music. I've liked Benny Goodman and Glenn Miller since I was a tween. But I cannot even begin to dance that shit. I can barely dance at all.

I would much rather sit and appreciate the music (while enthusiastically nodding, swaying and pounding a table top) than try to dance to it.

Dancing takes to much concentration on what my feet are doing, what my partner is doing and anticipating what comes next.

How the hell can I enjoy the music if I'm thinking about all of that crap?

Just give me a stiff drink, a comfortable seat, a friendly waitress and start playin'! I'm content just to sit there, tip the waitress, buy the musicians drinks and enjoy the show.

Except on those rarest of occasions when I bring my congas and sit in.

Joshua Xalpharis said...

Ever since those damn movies were released, I'm sure people no longer blink twice at the name Galadriel.

Anonymous said...



I saw you yesterday as you began your daily chores.
You woke up without a
prayer. As a matter of fact, you didn't even bless
your meals, or pray before going to bed last night.
You are so unthankful, I like that about you. I cannot
tell you how glad I am that you have not changed your
way of living. Fool, you are mine. Remember, you and I
have been going steady for years, and I still don't
love you yet. As a matter of fact, I hate you, because
I hate what Allah made out of dirty clay and told us
to bow it. How could I bow a dirty clay, when I am
made from fire. "I" am more superior then you. "I"
don't make mistakes. Whatever "I" do, is right. I am
only using you to prove Allah (God) is wrong.

He kicked me out of Jannah (Heaven), and I'm going to
use you as long as possible to prove I am right and I
am better then you fools, in every sense. My life (my
last resting place) is Hell, but what ever time Allah
(God) has granted me, I will do my best to take as
many of you fools as possible with me, to Hell.

You see, Fools, ALLAH LOVES YOU and HE has great plans
in store for you. I know that I have no power on you if you haven't
yielded your life to me and don't forget that I made a
promise to Allah (God) that I'm going to make your
life a living hell. That way we'll be together twice.
This will really hurt Allah (God). Thanks to you. I'm
really showing Him who's better from us, and Allah
(God) has made a mistake.
With all of the good times we've had... We have been
watching dirty movies, cursing people out, partying,
going to discos, staying out late with friends,
stealing, lying, being hypocritical, indulging in
fornication, overeating, telling dirty jokes,
gossiping, back stabbing people, disrespecting adults
and those in leadership position, NO respect for the
mosque, bad attitudes: SURELY you don't want to give
all this up!
Come on, Fools, let's burn together forever.
I've got some really hot plans for us.

This is just a letter of appreciation from me to you.
I'd like to say "THANKS" for letting me use you for
most of your foolish life. You are so gullible, I
laugh at you. When you are tempted to sin, you give in
HA HA HA, you make me sick. Sin is beginning to take
its toll on your life. You look 20 years older, I need
new blood. So go ahead and teach some children how to
sin. All you have to do is smoke, drink alcohol,
cheat, gamble, gossip, fornicate, and listen and dance
to the top 10 jams.
Do all this in the presence of children too, and they
will do it too. Kids are like that. Your children will
be with us in Hell too. That's the best you and I can
give to your children.

Well, Fool, I have to let you go for now. I'll be back
in a couple of seconds to tempt you again.

If you don't get smart, you wouldn't run somewhere,
confess your sins, live for Allah (God) with what little
bit of life that you have left. It's not my nature to warn anyone,
but to be your age and still sinning, it's becoming a bit
ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, I still hate you ...
and I wont go to Hell alone!

Always waiting for you,

Shaytan .. Devil .. Iblis

P.S. -And if you really love me, you won't share this
letter with anyone! "


Anonymous said...

you gays, lesbians and atheis have no space in this world. i think you lot should fuck off as you are not excepted in this world or the next.

Oi, Xavier Onassis you are going to burn in hell for creating this kind of website. Why dont you get a life before its too late for you. Oh dear dont you look terrible, ugly, discusting, sick, revolting person. Maybe if change yourself, you would look better in person

Anonymous said...

Oi egg head 'Xavier Onassis', fucking nasty shit ass hole. you look like you get fucked up your ass by the devils dick all the time.