Thursday, December 28, 2006

FDA: Cloned livestock is safe to eat

Goddamned right it is! Because it is 100% identical to uncloned food!!

Maybe this would be a good time to define the word "clone".

It means an EXACT COPY!! EXACT! No difference!

I am so sick of stupid people. This anti-cloning hysteria is ridiculous.

Clones have been around forever. See these slobbery little bastards? That's right...

CLONES! They just happened to have been cloned in their mother's womb instead of a laboratory. Small distinction, if you ask me.

How about these guys?



SMOKIN' HOT CLONES! Who can also sing! If you consider Country to be "music".

My point is that hysterical zealots with an agenda to sell seize on the word CLONES and wrap it up with evil and unnatural connotations.

Get over this cloning paranoia crap!

Cloning of all sorts is going to become as ubiquitous as fertility clinics, liposuction and 15 minute oil changes. Get used to it. In 20 years, we won't be able to imagine a time when it was unavailable.

"Jim Greenwood, president of the Biotechnology Industry Organization, said labeling meat from a clone would be as absurd as telling consumers that a steak was produced through artificial insemination, or by cows actually mating.

"None of that information would be useful to consumers," Greenwood said.

Federal scientists studied reams of data on the composition of meat and milk from clones and those of conventionally bred animals.

"You can't tell them apart," said L. Val Giddings, a vice president of BIO and a former Agriculture Department geneticist. "There is not an analytical, scientific test you can use to tell one from another. You just can't do it."

Human cloning and stem cell research (embryonic or otherwise...I don't fucking care) go hand in hand.

Here is the way this is going to work, people.

Somewhere down the road, your doctor tells you you have lung cancer.

No biggie. Neither one of you bat an eye. No chemo. No radiation.

He just scrapes a few skin cells off your arm, or takes a swab from the inside of your cheek. He sends them off to the lab with a prescription for "new lungs".

The lab reboots your skin or mucus cells into stem cells. Blank slates. Then they program those stem cells to grow into lungs. YOUR lungs. The ones you had when you were 18 years old. With growth accelerants it takes 30 days. Maybe even 10.

The lungs get shipped back from the lab, a surgeon removes your cancerous lungs and replaces them with your brand new, 18 year old, genetically identical (no chance of drugs) lungs, and you go on living. It's all covered by insurance company because they just got themselves a 70 year extension on your policy payments.

Stem cell research and human cloning are good things!

Hysterical paranoia, waving of arms, screaming about "unnatural processes", "frankenfoods", "ethical dilemas", and "scripture" are bad things.

Woody Allen once said "Most people try to achieve immortality through their children. I prefer to achieve immortality by NOT DYING!"

Let the Luddites die off. May Unnatural Selection reign Supreme.

Give me all the cloning, genetic splicing, nanorobotic-patrolling Bio-SWAT Teams, cybernetic implants and artificially boosted glandular secretions that modern science can provide. I'll take it all, baby!

Keep me alive forever!


JW said...

The idea of you living forever is fucking scary. But you do have a damn good stew recipe.

Happy In Bag said...

You realize, of course, that your forecast doesn't apply to the state of Missouri.