Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Warning Labels

Microwave experiments cause sponge disasters

People are STUPID!!!!

As soon as I saw this story I thought, "I'll bet they used REAL sponges, and not those plastic ones with the scrubbers. And they would have to be wet enough to create steam." But not THESE rocket scientists!!!

"WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Reports about a study that found microwave ovens can be used to sterilize kitchen sponges sent people hurrying to test the idea this week -- with sometimes disastrous results.

"Just wanted you to know that your article on microwaving sponges and scrubbers aroused my interest. However, when I put my sponge/scrubber into the microwave, it caught fire, smoked up the house, ruined my microwave, and pissed me off," one correspondent wrote in an e-mail to Reuters.

"First, the sponge is worthless afterwards so you have to throw it out instead of using it. And second your entire house stinks like a burning tire for several hours, even with windows/doors open," complained another."

You FUCKING IDIOTS!!! How do you even manage to take a piss without a warning label on the toilet reminding you to first unzip your pants and take control of your penis before urinating? Do you need a warning label on restaraunt menus? "Forks are sharp. Forks with food on them should be guided towards your open mouth; not your eye. The complimentary knives are for cutting your food into easily masticated pieces. Not for scratching mosquito bites on your balls or trimming your eyelashes."

"Aaron Hoover, a press officer at the University of Florida, said several other news organizations received similar complaints, although no one had complained directly to the university.

"We figured, 'Wow, we better let people know right away that the sponge should be wet,"' Hoover said in a telephone interview.

The university issued the following advisory: "To guard against the risk of fire, people who wish to sterilize their sponges at home must ensure the sponge is completely wet. Two minutes of microwaving is sufficient for most sterilization. Sponges should also have no metallic content. Last, people should be careful when removing the sponge from the microwave as it will be hot."

Jesus H. Fucking Christ in a chicken basket.

No wonder Dubya was elected twice and NASCAR is so popular. Also explains this.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (But that's the only
time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside (the shoplifter special?).

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."(and that
would be???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." but, it's
just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside
down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(..and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head colds off those bulldozers.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (...I'm taking
this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoors or outdoors use only."
(as opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions:
Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: say what?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly."(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish Chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."(Oh my God. was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Ya know, this would be a really nice planet if it weren't for all of the people.

Damn shame.

Nice place.


emawkc said...

If this gets your blood pressure up, make sure you DON'T see Idiocracy by Mike Judge.

Faith said...

That was EXACTLY what I thought when I read that story, XO! I would have thought that there might be some slightly dumb folks out there that this would happen to, who might light the sponge on fire, put it out, and stand back to scratch their heads while wondering, "What went wrong? If it worked for the people who were interviewed for the article, then it must be doable!" And THEN they would realize that they missed a variable in their own home experimentation, and they'd get a new microwave, try it again with a WET sponge, and then kick themselves in the head for being so stupid the first time around.

But nooooo...these people felt strongly enough about being "misled" that they wrote LETTERS announcing their stupidity to the press! I think it's only fair that names and addresses for these folks be released to the general public, so the rest of us can avoid them if possible.

Spyder said...

Saw this on a snow blower at Sears " Don't use on roof".

Janet said...

People like that should have to wear signs that say "I'm stupid". - Bill Engvall

ahhhh, the stupid! it burns!

Iwanski said...

I love stupidity. I am an aficiando of dreck and lunacy.

That's why I love living in the city so much. Everywhere I look I see an idiot, behind registers, crossing the streets, in taxis, and in every single mirror I look into.

travelingal said...

I'm going to admit something here about myself and you can laugh but dammit I'm not stupid but I shoulda known better.

NEVER microwave a SMALL baked potato using the "potato" button on the microwave. I did, walked away for a bit and returned to a fire in my new friggin microwave! I mean it was flaming and scorched the entire inside of the over which to this friggin day I cannot get clean.

The moral of the story here is that moisture is critical to microwaving and that friggin ... well hell FUCKING company shoulda put a big WARNING label ALL OVER EVERY baking potato that says TOO BIG OR TOO SMALL to microwave in this oven!@


Xavier Onassis said...

travel - I'm proud of you for going for the gold.

"Friggin" implies a lack of conviction to your principles.

"Fucking" is shoving all of your chips into the kitty and daring anyone to challenge you.