I just needed to make a quick run to the grocery store to pick up a few items.
I go, I get and I head for the express lane.
Who pulls up in the Express Lane right behind me?
Jackson County Executive and former Prosecutor Mike "Baby Face" Sanders.
The guy looks like he's 12 years old playing grown up in one of his dad's suits.
He also looks a bit like this guy.
I don't know why it bothered me. I don't have any outstanding warrants or anything. I just like to keep as much distance as possible between me and people in authority. It's an old survival skill that's hard to shake.
I tried to keep my back to him as much as possible. I don't think that anyone would ever recognize the "real me" based on the picture from my blog (which I'm sure he reads daily). But why take a chance?
I glanced in his basket (no homo). Couple of gallons of milk, a brisket, a tomato and some chocolate syrup.
I looked in my own basket. A pack of razors, some dryer sheets and some low fat non-dairy creamer.
Made me wish I'd had something more interesting. I mean, I had the former Prosecutor and current highest ranking person in the county in line behind me.
If I had known this would happen I could have planned ahead. I could have had a basket full of interesting stuff:
Roll of duct tape
Bottle of Vodka
Some grape Kool Aid mix and a pack of crazy, curly, sippy straws
A bottle of KY "Personal Lubricant"
A box of discounted Valentines Day chocolate
A pack of green army men
Some condoms. Magnums, of course.
Some coloring books and crayons
Some comic books
A stocking mask and a pair of gloves
Just to see if he was paying attention.
I doubt that he would have noticed as he was yapping on his cell phone. Always hungry for blog fodder, I tried to eavesdrop.
"Well, that's all I had. I just wanted to remind you. I understand. Well, that was what we agreed to. We're looking at opening that back up again. I'm sure you would be given full consideration. I understand. You know, the folks down at the jail are really doing a great job! Five dollar copay."
It made no fucking sense whatsoever.
He was even behind me as we slogged through the slush to our vehicles.
Our only exchange occurred as some fucktard started backing out right in front of me, completely oblivious to my presence.
I heard Sanders say "Uh oh."
Since I wasn't in my vehicle yet and Mike Fucking Sanders was just eight feet behind me, I suppressed my road rage and simply stopped walking. The driver (some scruffy, baseball cap wearing, cigarette smoking, trailer park living, NASCAR watching, alcoholic, cock sucking door knob) finally saw me. He waved some sort of apology and I nodded some sort of acceptance.
As the potential vehicular manslaughter defendant cleared the parking lot and Howdy Doody and I headed for our cars, I heard him say "That almost got ugly".
He has no fucking idea.
I just said "Yep."
Just in case you were curious, he drives a silver Ford Escape with only one bumper sticker. Uh huh. You guessed it. One of his campaign bumper stickers.