Wednesday, May 14, 2008

My Gramps

See that guy in the middle? The guy in the white hat?

That's my grandfather. Seriously.

Look at that sense of style...that attitude. Can't you just picture him in a pair of wrap-around shades?

He was a policeman and detective in a small Kansas town in the late 20's and early 30's.

What follows is a true newspaper article about a "high speed chase" that he was involved in that appeared in the local newspaper.

Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.


Driving the police Whippet down Walnut street at a speed of fifty-five miles an hour in the hopes of catching a chicken thief on Harrison street, Capt. X.Onassis about 4 o'clock yesterday afternoon collided with another car at the intersection of Ninth street and succeeded in avoiding traffic from the west and brought his car to a full stop on the sidewalk at the southwest corner of the intersection within a distance of sixty feet from the point of collision--and was sitting pretty at the end of the journey, with Chief O'Hara beside him and right side up.

Bystanders expressed Onassis' handling of the police car during and following the accident as a "miracle." "That fellow had three ways of killing himself and he missed them all," one observer commented.

The other car, a Cadillac coupe, driven by D.B. Cooper with Mrs. Cooper beside him, was proceeding westward on Ninth street when the accident occured. He told the officers he heard the siren but interpreted it as a fire alarm and spoke to his wife about the necessity for getting off the street pretty quick. He did not see the police car until the moment of collision, he is quoted as saying.

The fenders and right door of the Cooper car were badly damaged, but neither occupant was more than slightly injured, the police reported.

The police car suffered a bent front axle and a bent down left front fender and other damages.

Capt. Onassis was uninjured. Chief O'Hara complained of a hurt finger and sore knee.

Returning to the station Capt. Onassis entered the police Buick and resumed his chase after the chicken thief, but arrived too late to catch him, in the act at least.

Later he arrested Robert Nightmare as a suspect in the theft.

Capt. Onassis, in describing the accident last night said the street was
seemingly clear from cars as he and the chief roared down Walnut street and
that when he saw the Cooper car he turned toward the west to avoid hitting it, but it was too late to succeed except in part. When he had turned his car westward he observed there were cars ahead of him and he was left the alternative of smashing into the other cars or taking the curb and he chose the latter

In case you missed it, after wrecking and fucking up a police car in hot pursuit, he went back to the station, got another car, and continued the pursuit and finally made an arrest.

For stealing chickens!

Anal retentive, tenacious bastard! Some things never change.

Here is another compelling crime caper that doesn't involve me or my grandfather in any way.


Poodles said...

Your grandpa was a badass!

Nuke said...

What I was gonna say Poodles!

Captain X was gonna beat some guy with a hose for chicken thieving!

Nightmare said...

So you're saying that my Cousin Bob was nabbed by your G-Pa? Well that sounds about right.