Saturday, June 21, 2008

And Now...The Rest Of The Story

I generally commute back and forth to work on Independence Avenue. It's just a straight shot from Independence to downtown KC and it keeps me off I-70 during rush hour. Driving on I-70 during rush hour would make me very angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Plus, Independence Avenue is just so, I don't know, scenic. Especially this time of year when the crack whores are in bloom and the rising heat makes all the native denizens all itchy and irritable. Anything could happen. It's generally a good idea to keep your doors locked and try to avoid eye contact because no good could come from that.

So last night I leave work about 4:30, anxious to get home, shut out the world (I really don't care for humans very much), and celebrate the end of another work week.

A few blocks west of Van Brunt I get stuck in this MASSIVE fucking traffic jam. The cars are just not moving. At all.

I consider getting off the Avenue and taking an alternate route, but I can't. I'm in the left hand lane so I can't get over to the right and head for Truman Road. All of the side streets on my left are One Way leading ON to Independence Avenue. WTF is up with THAT?

There is no fucking escape unless I want to execute a Bat Turn and head west to flank the line of traffic.

At this point, I have enough time and frustration invested in this clusterfuck that I want a payoff. I want to see what the fucking problem is. Is it a wreck? Was there a shooting. Did somebody shank somebody in the middle of the street. Because if you are going to suck up this much of my time on a Friday commute home, it better be fucking worth it.

I finally manage to make it past Van Brunt and I see it. The source of the traffic jam that at this point has taken probably 20 minutes out of my life that I'll never get back.

No wreck. No dead bodies. No street littered with shell casings and fire trucks hosing down a bloody gutter lined with body bags.

Oh no. Nothing like that.

No, the obstacle that by now has traffic backed up all the way back to the downtown loop was this.

Apparently the ignorant fucktards, those inconsiderate, cocksucking doorknobs over at KYYS thought it would be a BRILLIANT fucking idea to get a gas station on Independence Avenue, during a Friday night rush hour, to sell gas for $1.99 a gallon.

The radio station was there, KCTV5 was there, the satellite trucks were there, reporters were there, the police was there, the fire department was there.

What a fucking mess.

Luckily for me, I had just filled up that morning at $3.85 a gallon, so I was all good.

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