Here is how we are celebrating Independence Day at my house.
My daughter is here and we only left the house once to go pick up her niece.
We didn't buy any fireworks.
We're not going anywhere to see any fireworks.
Last year we tried to see fireworks. Picked a spot across the highway where we would be able to see the World's of Fun fireworks. The area we selected turned out to be populated by the most hillbilly, white trash, rednecks I'd seen since moving out of Ray County. Empty beer bottles were rolling down the street and unsupervised children were setting off fireworks dangerously close to cars and to each other while the parents drank and argued.
I decided then that two things were true. One is that Independence Day seems to bring out a "certain element" of our great society that I would rather avoid. Two, there isn't any celebration or circumstance where bringing drunks and explosives together is a good idea. Unless you are intentionally blowing up drunks.
Given our complete failure to live up to the ideals and values expressed by our founding fathers, and enshrined in the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, I don't see much to celebrate.
I'm not alone in that assessment.
"(CNN) -- How would the likes of Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin feel about the way the United States has turned out 232 years after declaring its independence?
Most Americans say they're proud to be citizens, but most also think the Founding Fathers wouldn't be pleased.
Not pleased, a majority of Americans recently polled said.
According to a new CNN/Opinion Research Corp. survey, 69 percent of adult Americans who responded to a poll June 26-29 said the signers of the Declaration of Independence would be disappointed by the way the nation has turned out overall."
Maybe I'll feel more like celebrating next year when President Obama has Secretary of State Bill Richardson shuttling around the globe attempting to repair some of the damage that the current administration has caused.
But in the meantime, we are hunkered down at Casa Onassis. Avoiding the drunks with explosives, avoiding the stench of cordite, avoiding the sobriety check points, avoiding the ambulances rushing maimed children to the emergency room, and enjoying a nice, quiet evening at home.
Oh, and I almost forgot to mention the menu. No hamburgers on the grill (we had those last night), no hot dogs (ground up pig anus' shoved into intestinal casings give me gas something awful), no apple pie topped with vanilla ice cream (trying to lose weight).
No, per my daughter's request, I am about to go downstairs and fix TACOS! Ya know that stuff that those illegal aliens who are trying to destroy America eat. Hell, I might even throw in a little refried beans and spanish rice in the mix, what with it being a special holiday and all.
¡El Día feliz de la Independencia, las rameras!
P.S. I used freetranslation.com to translate "Happy Independence Day, bitches!" into Spanish (which is what you see above). But I always like to "retranslate" things just to see how they come out. Translated from Spanish back to English, the above text reads "The happy Day of the Independence, the prostitutes!" I guess you get what you pay for!
Have fun, my friends.