Monday, August 18, 2008

For Fiery

That sultry atheist Fiery tagged me for this meme.

Well, I was a second-string tag because she knows I don't do very many memes. Anymore. Somewhat of a recovering memer.

And since my chicken pot pie won't be ready for another 19 minutes, what the fuck? Let's kill some time together.

1---Soda v. Pop. ~ I don't really make this distinction. All I drink is Diet Coke, so that's how I refer to it. Unless I'm being clever and witty, in which case I call it a Sody Pop! Which again, is no distinction. Is this the longest answer anyone hase ever given to this simple, binary, solution set? Because I could go on. There are cultural differences between yankees and southerners. All sorts of cultural nuances around this first question. But in the interest of time (pot pie done in 15 minutes), I'll stop. Let's move on.

2---Regular v. Diet Soda. ~ Um, see above. Next!

3---Diet Coke v. Diet Pepsi. ~ What the fuck? Are you, NASA? All "triple redundancy"? Asked and answered! Move along!

4---Beer v. Wine. ~ Fucking pussys. Neither. Bourbon.

5---White Wine v. Red Wine. ~ Jesus H. Christ in a Chicken Basket! Do you hear the words coming out of my mouth? BOURBON!

6---Panty v. Underwear. ~ Panty for wimmins, Underwear for doods.

7---Thong v. Other. ~ Thong for WILFs, Other for all the rest.

8---Silk v. Cotton. ~ Silk, baby!

9---Boxers v. Briefs. ~ White Cotton BVD Briefs up until my last divorce. Now I'm all about the silk boxers!

10---McDonald's v. Burger King. ~ Burger King! Although the Burger King guy in the commercials CREEPS ME THE FUCK OUT! But then so does a clown who hangs around kids.

11---Chocolate v. Vanilla. ~ Duh! Chocolate! The synonyms for "vanilla" are plain, boring, generic, yada, yada, yada. The synonym for "chocolate" is "ORGASM!" You do the math!

12---Sweet v. Savory. ~ How is this even a distinction? I call SHENANIGANS! Trick Question!

13---Plaid v. Solids. ~ Solids unless you are Scottish and can prove it by producing documentation and eating haggis without projectile vomiting.

14--- Flats v. Heels. ~ I really prefer flats. Heels give me a ba-donka-donk.

15---Automatic v. Stick Shift. ~ Stick! Automatics are for cell phone chatting pussys!

16---Black v. White. ~ Black as my cold, dead heart!

17---Cursive v. Printing. ~ Printing!

18---Length v. Girth. ~ I got both. Can't be separated. Deal with it! (what you just read was hollow male bravado unsupported by physical evidence. I'm XO and I approved this message.)

19---Butter v. Margarine. ~ Butter BABY!

20---Paula Dean v. Rachel Ray. ~ I'd do 'em both. At the same time. With butter.

Are we done here? Can I go eat now?

6 comments:

ozatheist said...

I just knew someone would mention 'last tango in paris' to the butter v margarine question.

Fiery said...

Sultry am I? :)

geez louise XO. You're a bourbonite tooo????? Tell me if I knew that? I don't know. But I hears ya on the bourbon yum!!!!

You, XO, have the most fantastic wit on the whole bleeding internet. I love reading your stuff especially when the sarcasm is as thick as.... you are.
>:)

Thanks for playing!!!!!

crseum said...

XO, you've outdone yourself. With a beautiful little vision of the RR/PD/XO menage a trois to end with a flourish. I applaud you sir.

DLC said...

personally I find the image of XO in heels slightly more disturbing than aforementioned menage.

Lance Hafner Rocks said...

PD? That thought creeped me out.

Xavier Onassis said...

lance - don't be h8tr, mon! Ain't nuthin' wrong wit da PD. Besides, ebryting go betta wit butta! :)

Sorry. Had an inexplicable Jamaican moment for some reason. No fucking idea where that came from.

OKAY PEOPLE. Move along. Return to your homes. Nothing to see here. Clear the streets. You. Yeah you. Put that down and go home. Now!